Over the past few months, I've started allowing myself to start questioning my sexuality instead of repressing it. Almost immediately after, I started desperately wanting to tell someone, but I don't actually know anyone past the casual acquaintance level who isn't extremely homophobic. I literally have no good choices. I decided to set up an appointment with my university's counseling office, and my appointment is for next week, but I'm starting to get cold feet about going through with the appointment. I really want to tell someone that I think I'm probably gay, but I'm also scared. Intellectually, I know that the meeting will be confidential, and that my university has all the therapists go through training specifically to help them counsel LGBT people. But on the other hand, I've been told so many times by so many people that being gay is disgusting and not even legitimate as an orientation that I also want to pretend that I'm just making this up and hang out in my closet. I need a little extra encouragement to take this next step. Thanks in advance.
You've got the right mindset - these people are tailor-made to be non-judgmental, and to help you through whatever it is you're currently grappling with. If you think it'll be tough to "get the words out", you might try typing up a paragraph or two about what you're going through. You can then print that out, and hand it to the therapist at the start of your first meeting. That can get the ball rolling. Lex
Seriously, don't worry about it at all. I've been out for forever, but I went to my university's counseling office last fall, and I'm going there this fall, for other issues. And I came out to both of my counselors and they've both been amazing about it. They're not there to judge you. They're there to help you. I came out to my new counselor in the first session, in the first 10 minutes actually. Later on that day we were filling out an OCD diagnosis checklist in her office, and she was reading the questions out loud to me. T: "Do you have any inappropriate sexual fantasies? Dealing with incest/polygamy/violence?" Me: "No." T: Do you have any homosexual fantasies? Me: "Well.....yeah." T: ........ T:"That was a dumb question. As soon as I said it I was like, errr..." And then we had a good laugh about it and moved on. You're probably going to be one of dozens of LGBT students that have walked into their offices. You aren't going to tell them anything they haven't already heard before.
I came out to my therapist a couple of months ago. It felt really good. I simply uttered the words, "I came out of the closet" and then awaited a response. My heart was beating a million beats a second and my mouth was dry but it wasn't all that bad actually. And I felt really good saying it out loud. He was very supportive and sensitive about it, and asked me if I've met anyone yet. Of course I came out to a few people prior to our meeting, but it really is a liberating feeling if you feel you just have to come out to someone. And therapists are supportive and non-judgemental, so you will feel so much better afterwards. All the best to you (*hug*)
