How to deal with the stress of it all?

Hi everyone, I just recently joined this community as it looked like a safe place to find support, and, well, vent

My life is crazy right now. It would be crazy enough trying to get into college at this moment of time, but now I have a slew of other problems that are making my head spin.

I am having trouble concentrating on my work because of my immense confusion, and constant daily migraines that I get (not fun, but that's a different story). So basically, there was this girl who flirted with me all of my freshman year, but because she's scared of admitting her feelings, I think, she left me for a boy (a fairly attractive one) and it's been eating away at me for three years. I seriously was in love with her.

I am questioning my gender now at the same time. I have always known that I was romantically attracted to girls (not sure if I'm bisexual/asexual though), so always used that as an excuse to cover up my feelings of gender confusion; from the time I was a kid I wanted to be a superhero and be called Michael...

Ahhhh. I just don't know anymore. I can't *come out* to this girl as gay because I don't think I am 100% gay, and it would really be to tell her I like her, and I really see no reason to, so I suffer in silence as her and her boyfriend (who I don't think she even likes) get all lovey-dovey in the corner next to me. And now I'm pretty sure I'm at least gender queer, possibly trans, and freaking out. You see, I'm no butch female, but I've always had the desire to look like a boy and the confusion is killing me. Could I be a feminine boy? I'm pretty sure now that's what I am, but I'm deathly afraid of T, partially because of my uncertainty, and patrially because of my health issues.

I have a therapist for plain old therapy, and have mentioned my gender; should I just completely take over the session and be like, dude, let's just talk about gender? I mean I have other issues too so... maybe I should find a gender therapist? But I'd have to go thru my parents to do that...and well... they have no idea what's going on with me.

phew I just needed to vent. Thank god empty closets exists!!(!)