So, because of the way I came out to everyone, I am being kicked out of my house, and the country. *SIGH* Just because my soon to be ex step daughter, wants to control everything I have to leave, or else. I hope and pray that I can see my ex wife and grandson some day. I hate this sooo much. :tantrum:
Surprisingly, Greg56 and I are similar, as we both had sexual abuse issues. This is why at 42 I find out I am gay. I am married and have been for the last 12 yrs. We met on the internet 14 years ago when she was going through a terrible divorce. She was introduced to me through a local friend. I dunno this is a long story are you sure you want to here it Chip, I can just let you know the recent hi-lights if you wish
My wife still loves me romantically, and doesn't want us to separate much less divorce. But I don't think that is fair to her, as I now know that my feelings for her ARE love, but just not the romantic kind. I care for her and my grandson/son DEEPLY, but I feel that I am hurting her just by being in her sight. I wanted to separate and live nearby so that we can still see each other. BUT her daughter says no way and is forcing me to leave not only the apartment but the country as well.:icon_sad:
And how excactly is she forcing you out? I mean, she can't decide wheter you be in the country or not just because she is kind of homophobic.
That sounds like a very tough situation. Maybe that would help if you could sit and talk, just you and your ex-wife. She's probably hurting a lot, but you've also been together for 12 years and have a family together. I think it's important she can hear what you have to say without having her daughter making a tantrum around. It's not to your step daughter to decide what you're going to do, or where you're going to leave, nor if you're going to be able to see her mother again. That's your and your ex-wife decision to make. Now, maybe she is trying to protect her mother and herself, and maybe she is hurting too, but she doesn't seem to be in a state of mind where it's possible to talk with her. So maybe you want to avoid this, and try to keep the communication open with your ex-wife only so far. Here is a link to a Pflag booklet you may want to print and give to your ex-wife. I think it could be helpful for her. http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/Publications/Straight_Spouse.pdf Take care, Cécile
The surprising thing is that my wife is fine with me being gay, as we have not been intimate for 8 months and maybe had sex 5 times in the last 3 yrs. I always knew that it was me I just didn't know what was wrong. When I thought 2 yrs ago I was transgender, She was supportive, but others in my family made sure that I knew how terrible and bad a husband was to do this to my wife and grandson, and made sure that I really really knew it. Ie INTERVENTION: Priest's, and Catholic councilors, and lots of meds to keep me calm and quiet. Also added testosterone to make me feel more like a man. Well it worked for 2 years, then a little over a month ago I started dreaming about guys, and all that sexual desires and stuff. I mean it felt like my mind was dropped into a lake of gay porn. I couldn't get it out of my head, my libido started coming back 1000% percent. That's right 1000% This I thought was all taking place because I hadn't had my T shot in over two months. Due to lack of any in the area to buy. *legally of course* Then I read about people being Bi. I thought That's it, that must be it. I must be bi, because I still love my wife and I am still interested in giving her pleasure. I always found I was soo much better with my mouth then any other part of me. Anyhow, it was about two days later that I was house sitting for a friend, and just starting crying, and then sobbing, like beyond anything I have ever done. after a few hrs of a massive crying jag. Everything clicked inside of me and I knew just knew I was gay. After crying over that revelation for a couple more hours, I was calm and very much at peace with myself. I could say I am gay to myself in a mirror and it didn't bother me at all, in fact I felt a little happy?? Because of a pedophile of a grandfather and him teaching me that what he did to me and taught me to do to others was OK. I buried my sexuality for 30 yrs. When at the age of 19 I found out how terribly disgustingly wrong he was, and failing in my suicide attempt, I believe that I was a monster, and never could conceive any different. So sorry being GAY? was much better then being a monster. At least I wasn't some freak. I mean yes I was a little homophobic, but nothing to the point in hating someone for being gay. I just believed it was always a choice. and I would never choose that. BOY was I SO wrong, no choice here, I just know. Sorry someone is coming I can't be seen on the internet talking about this, its not safe.
I'm sorry to hear about your past and what's going on now in your life. I still don't know how you'd be forced to leave the country though... are you not an American citizen? I'd think that the only person who could do that would be your wife, and if she doesn't want that, then you should be OK. It might be wise of you to consult a lawyer if there are immigration issues here. On the emotional side, counselling would help. For you, for your wife, and for both of you together. This is a difficult time for both of you, and having a professional help you through it would be ideal. Good luck.
Sorry in advance for the long story. Ok. My stepdaughter was raped at 14, she had a boy at 15, *duh* I know. But by doing so at such a young age, she almost died giving birth. The doctors didn't do a good enough Episiotomy and she almost bled to death. So once she came back home she couldn't take care of him. My wife on the other hand takes strong meds for her bipolar and high anxiety. So when he was fussy or crying I *being a light sleeper* would take care of him, after 5 months of this, he just came to sleep in our bed. for the next five years. She moved out and got married at the age of 18. Our grandson her son, stayed with us. She had another son and he was fine. *sorry back peddle* First grandson is autistic and adhd, and second grandson is adhd . Anyhow. Five years after that she got divorced and is now in a new relationship and has a daughter. So sorry this is long trying to explain where she has her ability to tell her mother what to do. Her first son *our grandson* has become like our son. BUT,we have no legal guardianship of him. Even though we have raised him, and he thinks of us as his parents. When she wants to push an issue like getting rid of me in her mom's life she threatens to take him. And he fiance has threatened as she happily told her mom to take care of me, so that I won't be an issue. So *sigh* it is better I go then cause even more pain and suffering, to my wife or my son. Yes I am Canadian, I have a green card but no place to live as I quit my job four years ago to take care of my wife, who also has Fibromyalgia and MS. My daughter told us she will have mom move in with her and take care of them herself, although she has a hard time with *our* son. So she says they don't need or want me around their family anymore. *sigh*
I think it might be sensible to see if you and your (ex) could see a therapist for a couple of sessions. The entire family dynamic sounds incredibly unhealthy; your mother should not let her daughter be threatening her living situation, whether or not you are there.
"I hate what you're doing, how you did it and how smug you're being about it." - my stepdaughter. I guess I can't even come out right, and I really wish she would explain how I am smug about being gay?:icon_sad:
What a little BITCH! I had trouble with my ex & her daughter although it sounds a bit different...but, I may just not understand. My wife beleived everything my step-daughter told her over me...which was extreamly hurtful to me...but, I soon decided to get out between the two...not take anyones side. After our divorce and through the beginning of our re-friending faze, my step-daughter was doing some very bad things to my ex. finally, I had enough and told my ex. that I did not want to hear or know anything about my step-daughter, she was not allowed to talk about her while in my home and that the step-daughter was not allowed near me for any reason. I told my step-daughter the same thing, she didn't even flinch, for at the moment she didn't need me. It changed our (my ex and I)relationship. When I decided to help my wife move in next door, In order for her to receive my help, I made up a contract that stated for no reason was my step-daughter to stay at the house(I own the house and lease it to my wife), that she could visit during the daylight hours, if the grand daughter was with her, but must be gone before it got dark or I would charge my step-daughter with trespasing and my wife would be in danger of losing her lease. Her lease is extremely cheap and is valid for her lifetime. My wife became hystericaly angry(I understand this) at me. I told my wife that that her daughter was a manipulative bitch and I would not put up with it on my own property(her daughter actually threw my wife out of my ex's own apt. at one point) My ex finally began to see her daughter for what she was, and agreed to the contract. I'm horrified at your predicament...the way that some people can manipulate us is intolorable. ---------- Post added 16th Oct 2012 at 02:09 AM ---------- If we lived closer together I would offer to have you stay at my house until you got things straightend out!!
OMG I couldn't stand someone like that I'd punch the shit out if her! Sorry for saying that but she has no right to talk to you like that treat you like that and you wife should remind her if that and tell her hat se still loves you an supports you, and that if you move he moves with you, I'd file for custody on your grandson since you raised him and have supported him (financially?) and he doesn't sound like a well suited mother. If anything I think she needs some intense therapy and needs to talk about her past! I can't stand when people treat others like she is treating you OMG of she was my step daughter I'd let her know her place. But that's just me. I'm sorry If I was aggressive in this but I can't stand bullying I used to be one and I can't stand how I made people feel! I hate my self for hurting people in the past. So I try to stop it when I can. Hang in there ❤❤❤ be strong
While I have to admit my feelings about Michael's daughter are similar to the previous two posters... please try and keep the violent thoughts to a minimum, folks. One thing to remember here is a mantra of sorts that I read in one of Brené Brown's books, and that's the phrase "She's doing the best that she can." No one wants to be an asshole. No one wants to intentionally hurt anyone else. When people lash out, accuse others of being smug, threaten, take control... it's because they, somehow, feel out of control. Or hurt. Or angry. Or all three. And some of us are better than others at learning how to channel those feelings in a healthy way. I agree that this whole situation is really, really messed up. I would hope your wife would see the value in trying to make things work in a way that are best for your grandson as well as for you. Your daughter might be a tougher challenge, but hopefully she'd at least be willing to listen. If you can get one or both to a therapist with you, perhaps everyone can talk and some of the issues can be worked out. I think it's worth a try.
Yes - counselling for sure. But I'd look into family law as well. I'd be interested in knowing whether or not you actually had any rights - given you are the grandparents, you've raised this boy since he was born, and his mother essentially abandoned him, leaving him with you. Maybe if you had a legal opinion on this your step daughter would stop throwing around these threats that she probably doesn't really mean anyway. Can you imagine the mess she'd make in helping her mother and her autistic son? She doesn't sound much like a Mother Teresa...
Sorry it took so long to get back, I am using a friends internet to get on for a few hours tonight. It's times like this that I so wish I could turn back time and just forget that I am gay. It would make everyone else happy. I don't like seeing people hurt especially if its because of me. I have always tried to do what's best for others. Like I told Greg56, I bend over backwards to help anyone. I love my wife and grandson very much :tears: I hate hurting her like this, she has begged me to stay, she says she will do anything I want just please stay. :tears: I just don't its fair to her to have to live her life thinking we can be a husband and wife still. I love her so much, but I have zero attraction to her. I hate it, but there is nothing there, I've tried to fake it, but now that I know I am gay, zero interest. Why is it such a terrible thing to want to be myself, I wish I had remembered sooner. I knew I was gay at 8 yrs old, *not gay just really interested in boys my age* and that damn b@stard of a grandfather took that away from me. I believed all those thoughts were because he was training me to be like him a pedophile. I never imagined I was gay. For 30 frigging yrs its been buried, why now of all times did I have to remember.:bang:
