I finally came to accept that I'm gay about 2 months ago. I am currently a junior in a Co-Ed Catholic high school. My mom and me decided that in order for me to avoid bullying and harassment I have to publicly retain a heterosexual appearance and lifestyle until I leave for college. I thought I could handle hiding it for two years, yet I'm having a hard time of it. A positive is that I'm not all that feminine, expect for the fact I LOVE showtunes. Does anybody have any advice that could help??
This may sound harsh, but you just have to suck it up and do it anyway. One way I like to think of it is that I'm hiding a secret that none of them knows; it makes me feel better.
For me, I just act how I want to act and not explicitly tell people I like girls. People can assume I'm just a very tomboyish straight girl if it makes them more comfortable but I am who I am so I don't feel so lost. Like my family is super conservative so although I act and dress "totally gay" they pretty much ignore it. Just because you are in the closet doesn't mean you can't act and dress how you want to.
You have to figure out what it means for you to come out. For me, it didn't mean telling some random ass hole that I didn't care about or posting it for the whole world. It wasn't that liberating for me. I rather tell close friends and if they are caring they'll do what it takes to be careful with telling just anyone that part of who you are. I actually don't care if my straight friends have told other people. It's not like they are going to put some lynch mob together and kill me. And dude.. honestly. Your friends will annihilate them for you lol. If you feel like you just don't have friends, it's up to you. I wouldn't call any more attention to myself than necessary.
Coming out shouldn't just be about who you tell. You've accepted yourself, but it's not clear what is making your burden difficult to bear. Is it just that you want to be accepted publicly, and are afraid that people wouldn't support you? You could always test the waters, see how the topic is treated among your peers, and build a decision on that. I'm sure you've given it a lot of thought already, I just hope that if you feel the need to share that part of yourself, you start with people you know will support you.
What I have to hid is that I'm gay. The biggest part is having to hide it AT LEAST until next August because I've already committed thousands of dollars to go to the 2013 National Scout Jamboree, and if you know anything about the BSA, they HATE homosexuals. So my parents would MURDER me, because we're unsure if they would refund us. And that's another sad thing is that I'll have to give up Boy Scouts, which has, so far, generated some of the best memories of my life. So, as you can see, I'm in a tough spot.
But why do you HAVE to hide it, other than for BSA? Is there so little separation between say, school life and BSA that you couldn't be more open to one without the other finding out? You said you and your mom agreed to keep it quiet to avoid bullying and harassment, but from who? Is it such a problem around you that you know there's no way you could be even just a little more open, without drawing too much attention?
What do you mean you and your mum decided that you have to pretend to be straight? Because to be honest it sounds more like your mum decided for you and now you are living a lie that is eating you up inside. And why would you want to be part of an organisation that hates you for who you are? To be honest it sounds more like your parents care about losing money than they care about how their own child feels.
