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Hitting a depressive state...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by BudderMC, Oct 15, 2012.

  1. BudderMC

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    I know there's probably a million of these threads already, but hear me out. I'm pretty sure I'm falling into a depressive state again. Not entirely sure why. It's only happened a couple of times, but each lasted a solid month (if not longer) and I can't afford (nor do I want) for it to happen again.

    I guess I'm looking for tips, if anyone's got them. The sooner the better, if this is even a "you can nip it in the bud" kind of thing.
     
  2. Gravity

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    (*hug*)

    Well, my first instinct is to ask - if this has happened before, how did you handle it last time, and what could you do different this time? Do you have a counselor available to you?

    Also, just a suggestion: try not to prioritize other things over your own health (mental or physical). It's an easy thing to do, but do remember, school can wait if it needs to. Dealing with this depression is more important.
     
  3. Mogget

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    Seconding Gravity.
     
  4. BudderMC

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    I don't think I really handled it the last times though. I mean, I played a lot of games or went on a lot of walks, basically whatever I could do to take my mind off my worries. My marks definitely suffered during those periods, so I don't want that to happen again, since I'm finally bringing them back up.

    I think both times I largely attributed my depression to being closeted and not knowing how to deal with accepting myself and coming out, so after I did come out I figured I solved my problem. I guess it's looking more like that I just rode a high for a while and I'm sinking back to where I was before.
     
  5. smprob

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    I also had fallen to a bad one about a month ago. At first I didn't deal with it well . So I turned out to be in a real bad state.
    However, it's given me chance to analyze possible reasons, what could have occurred it, and to realize that they were different from what I was thinking before. May be you also could use this as an opportunity for a such thing, to understand yourself more. But I think keeping calm is needed in that.

    And there's no need to think it's going to be worse as before. That thinking could even drive away the peace that's still left in you. You know, past is not a guarantee for something to happen again or in that same way it had happened before. So there's still a possibility that there could be never another such phase again.

    But I think best is to take precautions. As for me, now I always stay aware of any thought that could drop me into such situation. As what happened is still fresh even now it seemed to have gone away.

    I think analyzing thoughts and avoiding on thinking further along with those negative kind of ones, or better even if you could contradict them.It should give you the chance to stay away from any depressed state. That was what I used, and still do, and it seems to result well.

    Also when it comes to difficult moments when I can't cope with those negative thoughts, positively, I'd just start repeating in mind most optimistic things about me. Like I'll be healthy, happy, etc. It's a known kind of meditation. But it has to be done without ambitions or dislikes when thinking such. Then it moves the mind to be relaxed.

    Or another I do is, distracting me to a completely different task, like watching a movie or reading a book, on a story of winning something with difficulties. That had helped me to gain, a positive mindset.

    Recently I remembered one we were told by a lecturer, to relax before studying. I have yet to try it on this situation. But it should work, as it gives a peaceful mind. I think its a popular one. To count backward rhythmically.

    Trying it, one should not bother about the correctness or if any number is forgotten. Just go on counting, without force, backwards until zero or to any before until you feel relaxed. Counting can be repeated.

    Best position is to lie on back without anything under. Then relaxing all limbs like a cloth to hang without trying. And turning head a bit to a side would make it easy to breathe.Then start the counting. Anyway any position works well for me if body is relaxed. So it can be used anywhere. But lieing get me drowsy and fall asleep, but still awakes me fresh afterwards.

    Those are some of I do, hope it's some help. :slight_smile:
     
  6. silentdr3am3r

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    I find myself coming into depressive states consistently throughout the year as well. Please hear me out when I say that under these depressive moods, your thoughts are NOT clear and rational. That's what I tell myself every time I go under depressive states. I very much agree with smprob's response with meditation. It's a wonderful tool to distract yourself from the depressing thoughts.

    Some other things that depressed people tend to forget is to take care of themselves physically, mentally and emotionally during these kind of periods. Eat regularly, get sun as much as you can, and try and force yourself to interact with your friends. Exercise, no matter how unappealing it sounds is honestly the best way for me to kick me out of depressive states. Go for a run. Believe me, I'm overweight, I hate exercise but just from experience, you'll feel 100x better after exercising.

    One thing that I let myself do when I'm depressed is cry. It's an odd thought, but biologically crying releases great amounts of stress and tension. Of course, if you find yourself crying too much, it could be a sign of deep depression and you should consult a counselor/psychiatrist immediately.

    One last advice that I can give is to try writing things down. I know when I get very depressed, I write all of my feelings down. It's like confessing to someone without the risk of someone knowing your secrets. Just let it all go and don't even think about filtering yourself. After you've had enough writing, read it and hopefully you'll see that some of your thoughts can seem fixable.

    But please, if you do feel like this is a chronic problem, or that you cannot take it anymore, DO NOT HESITATE to see a counselor or a psychiatrist. Depression at times can be self-curable, but serious depression needs professional help. You are too valuable to ever believe that you're too broken to be fixed.

    I do hope it gets better for you
     
  7. BudderMC

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    Thanks guys, I'll actually give meditation a shot.
     
  8. wandering i

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    I agree with all of the above, and hope you have a counselor or close friend to talk to. If not, be sure to talk to people here about what specifically is worrying you, to get it out of your mind before it warps and gets bigger.

    Even if you don't like exercise like running or going to the gym, go for walks, go swimming, do something that's enjoyable that requires you to move your body or be outside. Dancing is great. Swinging, jump rope, crunches & stretching. Sitting in one place all day in the dark or only doing the same few activities every day can make you feel a lot worse/in a rut. So doing something different and active, and seeking new experiences can help bring you out of your own head.

    Also I don't think distraction is a bad strategy, but be sure to spend at least a little time focused enough to write a list of everything you need to do. Then, make a separate list of only what you need to do today, and maybe tomorrow. Though daily only is less overwhelming for me. Try to do at least two things from your daily list- if you can cross off three at any point in the day, you have succeeded and can do whatever you want for the rest of the day. Then, pull the next priority things from your main list and make a list for the new day.
    I find that getting so distracted that I forget to do necessary things, or feeling like I have a billion things to do but not having a clear goal of how to break them down and accomplish them will drop me into self loathing and hopelessness really fast. So staying organized and keeping simple, manageable goals is an important way for me to prevent that.

    Lastly, sometimes reading the accounts or seeing someone else's story of struggle helps me. If their situation is a lot worse, I realize what I have to be grateful for and focus less on my own issues. And if their situation is similar it helps me realize what I'm going through is not alien or something I should be ashamed of. Life brings great hardship to us and we can only do the best we can with what we've got. Just try to take care of your body, do what makes you feel better, and don't beat yourself up when things go wrong.
     
  9. BudderMC

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    I don't like bumping threads but it's better than starting a whole new one.

    I retract what I said about "getting depressed", I'm pretty sure by this point I'm full-blown depressed. I went to bed by like 10pm yesterday, slept till just about now... lethargic most of the day, little motivation to do anything, bagged out on hanging with my housemates, all the usual stuff.

    The thing is, I don't know if what I'm thinking is the cause or the effect of the depression. Essentially, I feel like I'm failing at everything. Usually I'm used to being a jack-of-all-trades: good at a lot of things, but great at none, and I'm fine with that. But now, it seems I'm just... not good at anything. My academics aren't great, I don't think my mom is particularly happy with me, I haven't gotten a chance/made the effort to do a bunch of extracurriculars I wanted, I should be looking for jobs too... and I think I'm slacking in the effort I'm putting into my current one. Of course, I don't especially like being gay right now either. And I honestly can't tell if it's just because I'm overloading myself or because I'm feeling like crap about everything, but regardless I'm feeling like nothing's really within my control, like the effort (or what I feel is effort) I'm putting in doesn't make a difference.

    I really don't know what to do guys. Talking to someone is an obvious one... I'm not sure why but I'm not comfortable talking with my friends (I guess I feel bad whining about my problems onto other people), so I'm looking into a counsellor or something at the university. Thing is, I'm rather against going on meds too (if it comes to that), probably because of the stigma, but whatever.

    I could use some help, if there's anything anyone can do, because I feel like I can't do it myself anymore. :/
     
  10. Jim1454

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    Hey there. You're not alone. I struggle with this on a regular basis.

    For me I know it's seasonal as well to some extent. I always get down in the fall. Is that your cycle as well? People attribute that to lack of sunlight - so last year I tried one of those 'blue lights' that simulate blue sky. I'm not sure it worked - but it wouldn't have hurt.

    Know that it will pass. It won't last forever. And that way, it's a little easier to simply push through it. This isn't forever, and the thoughts that are plaguing you for the most part aren't true.

    Do what's in front of you. If you have assignments to do, break them down into smaller pieces so they don't seem so overwhelming - and then do them. You'll get a sense of accomplishment and a boost to your self esteem if you can start them and make some progress. Half the challenge is starting.

    Talk to someone. I think everyone should have a therapist to talk to. And in these times when we struggle it's even more important. Your friends aren't qualified nor is it fair to burden them all the time with this kind of stuff. You do need to stick close to them - because isolating yourself is the worst thing.

    The things we want to do the least are the things we need to do the most. This I got from my recovery work - but it applies to everyone. Again - do what's in front of you and what you know makes sense to do. You'll feel better for having done it.

    Exercise. I'm sure it does help. I can go to the pool and be in a really miserable state and I always feel better afterwards. Maybe not much better, but better.

    Finally, meds aren't necessarily bad. I was in a really, really bad place 6 years ago. Didn't want to go on. Couldnt' see anything hopeful in my future. It was bad. Medication helped lift me out of that. It doesn't sound like you're in the same place, so meds likely aren't necessary. But don't write them off entirely. They helped me, and they help lots of other people as well.

    Stay in touch. Keep talking. We're all here for you. You'll get through this. It will pass.
     
  11. burg

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    i find depression well mine is kind of cyclical.some real problem will get me down ,then i start being less social and doing things i should be doing,which gets me even more depressed .i dont like the idea meds either. i haven't been on them but i think they are over prescribed . i think there is good reasons people get down its very human.usually one real mission picks me up.i went looking for caves the other week with some friends i was starting to get done before but i had fun and it picked me up.and now im feeling good.i don't know if its the same for you or other people but mines that cycle aye.
     
  12. smprob

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    Hey, sorry to hear that. Did you try meditation? or some other way to relax your mind? May be something you have ignored in past is bothering you. As to my understanding those feelings you mentioned there are likely to emerge later with depression. The original reason might be hidden beneath. Anyway try to stop thinking further on those negative thoughts, it get into a practise until you try to break it. May be you're worried about your expectations, try to forget them and relax. I Hope everything will be solved soon! hold on. (*hug*)