Hi everyone, so I'm making this thread because I am still pretty unsure about my feelings for this one guy who happens to be my best friend. If I just tell you the basics its pretty obvious to assume I like him as more than a friend, so let me try to give you the full background. First of all, I think its important to note my really low self esteem....I rely on my friends sooo much and they mean the world to me because I honestly don't know how I am good enough for any of them. This is especially true for my one friend (lets call him Steve.) My group of friends is pretty much all girls and then me and Steve. Since I was little I have never really had a good friendship with a guy, and now that I am really close with Steve I love it, I value his friendship over all of my other friends (horrible to admit lol but its true). The problem is I'm not sure whether I like him so much because of this or because I may have feelings for him. Also, Steve is a very private person so I sometimes get frustrated when he doesn't directly tell me everything and I think this might have something to do with the fact that I really want to be closer with him. Another thing to note is that I fantasize about him almost every day...What's odd though is they are rarely sexual fantasies. Most of them involve us just cuddling and even just him acting like the best possible friend to me (e.g. consoling me when I'm upset). There's been the occasional sex fantasy but I don't enjoy them as much as these. I love every minute I spend with him, my mood gets better whenever he is near me. After all of this though, do I really like him romantically? Or is it just that I'm really craving a guy friend I can consider like a brother who will be there for me through anything? Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated
From your post, it seems like a combination of both. Usually when someone has low self-esteem then they will pretty much fall for whoever gives them the attention and sense of worth that they crave. There is a very high possibility that this might be the case for you. Its not a bad thing or a good thing, but it is a thing that you have to be conscious of since most of the time unhealthy relationships start with these kind of feelings. What do you want to do with these feelings? Do you want to act on them or just want to know what they are?
Well there really is no way I can act on them since he is straight :/ but I would act on it if I could. What you said makes sense....I feel like a relationship with him would still work though just because its not like I'm falling for some random guy, he and I are really close and get along great. But for now I guess I just want to be aware of what exactly these feelings are, it gets so confusing!
I know this is slightly off the topic of the original post I made but I have just been finding out new things and didn't feel like making a whole new thread. I've been trying to figure out if and how I should come out to this friend I've been talking about. HE IS SO FRUSTRATING, he sends so many mixed signals when it comes to whether or not he accepts it. He jokes about it occasionally, but when ppl really are gay he doesn't act like its a huge deal, just mildly funny. I sometimes think he just says gay jokes, not because he is personally against them, but because he is trying to be funny. But like today he told me this one kid who he just met came out to him right away and he thought it was odd. But he made it seem like its odd cuz he doesnt know this kid AT ALL (which i agree is strange). then again he could have meant it was odd that he was gay at all! I just don't know If I tell him and he treats me differently I will literally fall to pieces
First off, try to figure out why you have low self esteem and see if you can turn that around. You deserve it. You sound like you are a good friend to Steve so don't sell yourself short. Sounds like Steve's joking is just that. A lot of that just comes from not understanding things and therefore feeling awkward about it so making a joke about it lessens the discomfort. There is nothing wrong with you for wanting a close relationship with another guy as just a close friend.
