How do I accept that I'm gay?

Is there anything you feel that could be holding you back from accepting it? Family, religion, friends, or maybe just scared in general?

 

Mmmmm, I don't think you have a problem accepting it (you're convinced you are gay after all).

Have you considered to be bisexual? If that's the case, what made you think you are gay instead of bi?

As for a tip, I tell you about how I accepted I'm bisexual.
Since I was 12-13 years old, I started having some attraction to men. Some men, anyway. But that conflicted with the fact I like women.
When I started to have fantasies about sex with males, I got worried, but as with my woman side, I just didn't think on that and let it slip out my mind.

One time, I was tired of deny it, and I said out loud (actually said it, not just thought) "I'm gay" and it didn't fit. Nothing moved, it was just wrong. And thus, I continued living in denial.

3 months ago, I became confornted with the fact I liked soooooo much a guy I seen that I had to question myself directly. I researched quickly through the internet, and looked at the concept of bisexual. I looked at the Kinsey scale, and that just clicked in place. I knew I had hit the point. I positioned myself at level 2 on the scale, and then I said out loud (again, actually said, not just thought) "I'm bisexual" and it marvelously clicked in place too, it moved, it was right. Almost inmediately after saying that, I felt a heavy load lifting away from my shoulders.

At that moment, I knew I had accepted myself as bisexual.

Hope this helps you at all!!!


P.D. When I say that "it clicked in place", and "it moved", I'm referring to a concept map I use to visualize things (a 'gearmap'). It's too complex to explain it here, but I may get it done on my blog sometime.

 

Well, I've just been through that phase of self deprecation I understand where your coming from, and I hope the advice I can give will help. (Because I know how much that time hurts.)

Now this advice is what personal introspective philosophies I came up with for myself and as such they may not work for everyone but honestly if I can help anyone I would be the gladest person in the world.

First off, this is completely normal. It happens to a lot of us and know that you are by no means alone. It's also a part of you, you're not a part of it. By this I mean, your sexuality is not the end all be all for your existence, whether you're gay, straight, or something else in the wide spectrum that is sexuality life will go on. It is what it is, and let me be completely frank, for every asshole who doesn't accept you for how you are, there are so many more people who will hardly bat an eyelash and just be like "Okay cool."

Talking to someone like a therapist/psychiatrist may also help. Personally the first person I ever told about my not so hetero sexuality was my therapist. It got SO many emotions off my shoulder and there was a lot of crying inability to speak properly involved in all of this. Sometimes it really is good to just talk it out with someone, they can give you some perspective and allow you to let out all the emotions you're bottling up. If your situation is any bit like mine was it will be hard for a while, but I promise it will eventually improve. Several months ago I was a sniveling ball of self consciousness, now I'm pretty far out of the closet, and quite confident in myself and my sexuality is hardly a huge deal in the "soap opera" that is my life.

Anyway, I hope this helps and if you need anyone to talk to I'm more than willing to listen (or you know read as the case is)

 

i think your going to accept the fact your gay bo i went though the same process.here's a hint for you its a faster process if you find people in history or in the present who you admire who are gay. my gay idol is peter thiel.

 

For me it was something that came simply with time, and perhaps some influence I gained from passively observing gay friends and acquaintances who were already comfortable with their sexual preferences. From there it was just a couple more steps to realising that I could be that way as well. I'm sure the experience is different to varying extents for everyone though. I would say to always keep in mind that conflicting with yourself over what you know you really feel and want will forever be a losing battle. And that the support of friends and family who love you for the right reasons will always give you that much more reason to stay true to yourself and your own personal needs should you ever question them for any reason again. So long as people like that are on your side there's no reason being gay is something to be irrationally embarassed, unsure, or depressed about anymore. I think you just need to do a bit more soul searching before worrying about anything further.

 

Hey, I'm really sorry, and I know it's terrifying. I think you asked a great question, and I am glad that you want to know yourself.

I know this is going to sound seriously corny, so you can reject this if you want. It has helped me to verbalize, and also think about my sexuality. Just say outloud to yourself (when you know nobody is listening of course) "I'm gay. I like men. I want to be with men. I want to share my life with men." I actually went farther than that and had a more arrogant mantra: "I'm not straight. That's okay. This is a gift, and it makes me special. Nobody can make me feel lesser because of this. They don't know what the fuck they are missing." Now, I don't really advocate that you think of yourself as superior, but it helps to elevate yourself so that you can get over the shame. Finally, it can help to verbalize what you want to do with men. I am not going to tell you what I say outloud on that score.

Also, I am not going to pretend accepting yourself is a fast or easy process. It's hard. It took me six years.

 

This was the deepest and darkest period of my life. Feeling so torn between my religion at the time, my masculinity.. feeling like I had to sacrifice it to be gay, feeling like my world as I knew it was going to become unbearable to exist in. Every single day was a struggle, I forced it to the back of my brain for as long as my body could bare it. You accept that you're gay by taking it one step at a time.. I didn't feel a sense of, I'm gay, i'm pride or ok with it. It took me a long friggin time to just feel like I was ready to talk to other men. The only thing I can compare it with was, you know.. when you have to move and go to a new school. You spent ALL that time building your reputation as the smart guy, jock, musically inclined, senior, funny guy etc etc and you go to a new school and you have to essentially start from scratch. I questioned every part of my being first before I was ready to accept that. I think if I had one word, it's patience. Be patient with yourself. It really affects us differently. I think people are just ready at different times honestly. I wasn't willing to accept that me messing around with boys and wanting to kiss them and just play with their hair made me gay. I thought I was normal actually lol. It takes a lot of soul searching sometimes. The acceptance phase is on going for me personally, so don't expect some grand leap to being completely ok with it. You're going to reason that it presents challenges in your life that you would otherwise not have. And it's totally not true. My straight friends have a whole hell of a lot more things going on with them then I do right now lol. I guess if I can give any advice it's be patient, don't get frustrated with this. It takes a long, long time to get the confidence needed. But once you get there, you begin to really really look at the bigger picture. I hope you stay with us! We'll love you know matter what dude. And you can message my wall thingy whenever dude. I wish you the world sir!

 

I agree mostly with you Pat....except I am 51 years old and grew up in a time where gay men simply werent accepted....

Knowing that times are quite different now, 'life is short', do not postpone things toooo long........I just allowed myself to deny things for WAY too long.....

Having just told my family yesterday, I was not perceived in the way my mind had constructed the scenario.......thought I was going to be rejected and ostricised by my family......

It didnt happen, they all agreed I had been sooo depressed and unhappy for so long, they were extremely understanding and desparately wanted me to be happy again!!!!

Dont delay things forever......I havent wasted my life for Im a blessed man, but I now hope I can be truly happy in the future......:bang:

 

Oh right lol. Don't take too long And I don't think you wasted anything, I guess you could argue your youth, but hell. I was thinking the other day at every period in my life I can find something positive about just coming out gay. In your 50s you have a broad understanding of life, you may be better off financially, I think it's arguably the prime of your life. Well, it is for some. My mom is 47 and she's just coming out of a pathetic marriage lol.. She's nearing her prime, first grandson on the way, i'm becoming happy. We've been really all she's had and when we're stable and she's just thinking about her, she's going to have to adjust obviously lol.. but she'll have a blast. She told me some guy was even catching her eye the other day.. it's all in how you look at it.

 

Well, I'm not sure about the wasting of youth thing. Being gay was fucking hard at that time. StevieD probably came of age back when gay men sometimes had sex packed like sardines in the backs of semi tractor-trailers. No joke.

 

Right, I actually saw a few documentaries on this. That's why I said I guess you could argue it. I feel like I wasted my high school years already but that doesn't necessarily mean I have regrets. Wasn't really shit to miss but trouble. And in his case, diseases most likely. I think coming out at any age is commendable.

 

Well absolutely. It's an act of valor. Perhaps we watched the same documentary. One about Stonewall?

 

THERE YOU ARE!!! You already accepted yourself!!!

Remember: denying you're gay and not telling people you're gay are 2 different things.

Just look at the status bar of your fellows EC'ers, and you'll see a lot that accepted themselves as gay, but hadn't came out to everyone (just a few, a couple, just one, or even none at all).

It's natural to feel the fear of rejection. I feel it all the time. Everyone on EC feels it, or has felt it before.

But not telling people out of fear is not the same as not accepting you. You already accept you're gay, you just not ready to tell people.

When you're ready, you'll know. You'll get to it eventually, without any rush. Of course people will jugde (we always do, aren't we?), but you don't need to come out when you're not ready.

Congratularions!!!(*hug*)

 

Eww, I don't know lol. Sex in the 70's? lolol. I dunno.