Feeling the pressure of the closet

What I've found to be easy (I have not done it yet, be warned) is to wear a shirt like this. Man Love (Black-Pink) T-Shirt by phantomgraphics
You don't even think about it. If you wear it a lot, or even a little, people will figure out.

 

Ha, I have a shirt that says "I like girls that like girls." I've gotten several compliments on it, too, lol.

Have any of them ever given a hint about how they feel about homosexuality? Maybe try broaching the subject sneakily. Try something subtle, like when you're all sitting around talking and someone mentions the subject of homosexuality, try asking leading questions or making comments to see if they will state their opinion, without letting them know what you're doing. That way you can get a feel for how they might react.
Also, starting out "smaller" may help. Instead of saying, "Guess what, I like guys," if you're having a serious discussion about it, try something more like, "I don't have a problem with homosexuals", or something like that, maybe. That way they know your stance without you giving everything away. Then later on, when you feel comfortable, you can let them know in your own way.

Good luck!

 

I'm posting because the above section of your post resonated with me. I went through the same thing in the early stages of coming out. I had one close straight friend who I fantasized about and over time started to get more and more angry every time he did anything, well, heterosexual. It's very easy to build up a fantasy world in your own head when you're not allowing yourself to live openly. Ultimately it's another issue that will mostly go away once you come out. Your mind will drift away from fantasies (hopeless crushes on straight guys) and more on developing your actual life.

At this point you need one close friend to be there to kick your ass a little--someone who you're open with and will support you and help you go to your first few GSA meetings. You really just need to get over that initial hump.

 

Hi. First of all, there's nothing wrong with being afraid when it comes to coming out. It's terrifying. I can relate to your difficulty in coming out to your parents. I originally came out as gay to my mother and it took me forever. We talked for about fifteen minutes, my nerves getting progressively worse until I was hugging her and crying on her shoulder by the time I actually said it. I'm honestly not sure I've been that scared since.

As far as my friends; Male and female, gay and straight have all responded well. It sounds like from your post like your friends have a pretty decent attitude toward homosexuality. Odds are good that if, as you say, they're okay with others then they'll probably accept you for it as well. I have one friend, one of the first I told, that was admittedly a bit homophobic. When I came out to him, he admitted as much, but told me that my friendship was more important to him than those views, and he's since become much more positive in his view of alternative sexuality in general. From the people who are really my friends and important parts of my life, I have yet to get a negative response.

It's not really my thing, but I know it works wonderfully for a lot of people who are extremely nervous about the initial conversation; have you thought about writing a letter?

I can't tell you with certainty what's right for you, but I think your life is going to improve if you come out and are open with your friends. Even if there's some initial awkwardness or uncomfortableness, things are going to be better in the long run. The sense of relief you'll feel from simply being able to be yourself without hiding alone will be worth it.

That being said, good luck!

 

Hey, It's usual to have such problems. What I do, when I can't make me to do something, is tell someone to make me do it, despite of how much I try to avoid doing it. I'd ask them, JUST TO MAKE ME do it. ( I guess I make them to make me, hm.) But of course, the success depends on that other party. As most probably you'll be coming up with reasons to avoid it or them. So, if you aren't sure whom to select, better try with people, who are most likely to have a such control over you and suitable personality.

So why not talk to your parents about how you fear to have that therapy, and ask them to badger you by phone or anything, until next time, and make sure that you turn up there. Ask to make you do it in whatever way, despite of whatever reason you'll give them to prevent it. You'd finally be off with it. (At least for me, as I get irritated when it happens)

Or you could try your best friend ( or ...), without telling him exact reason why you're seeking help for. Letting him know that you aught to have it or/and that your parents arranged it for you and also you want to do it. You could try with some other reasons without bringing up sexuality, like telling him that you've got problems to deal with, that you can't open up easily to anyone, even to him even though you want to. Also that you'd be able to let him know afterwards about what's going on with you.

As it's just normal to have therapy for other matters besides sexuality, it shouldn't be an issue. Only we seem to stick with fear about our secret. If you start and go there once or twice, that problem will get over. It would open the chance to come out to your friends, too. Sure he'd be curious whats going on with you, if your his best friend, right? You'll be out to him some day. So it wouldn't be any risk to confide in him.

I like Onyxknight's idea. Furthermore, starting to chat about a gay friend/associate or a celebrity, might also be good. After a while (/some time), if he doesn't input, you could move along slowly to express your ideas on it and also ask how he feels, casually. I think it's better to come out to friends, individual and gradually with most likely person to accept in the row, with one person at a time and alone, and so on. Good luck!

 

I am in the same situation exactly. I have a crush on my best friend and am not out of the closet even to my family. I keep telling myself that it if I come out it will be no big deal but when I go to do it I freeze up. It sucks, really sucks but we have to stay positive the right moment will make itself available.

 

I think you need relief from the pressure you're feeling. I encourage you to attend the GSA group. Just and hour or two a week where you don't have to hide yourself can make you feel better long after it's over. If you don't want go at your school, check if there's a group at a community center if there's one near you.

 

Hi there,

A few points, and I hope this helps...

1. Having a crush on your best friend is par for the course! just look back through the threads and there are sooo many people saying "don't know if its strange but I fancy my straight best friend". Not its not strange, you get along with him really well and its not surprising that you end up thinking what if? And yes, it is tormenting knowing that he doesn't know, and worse, if he knew it wouldnt magically make him gay. Plus you have to see him going home with girls which sucks. So yeah, dont worry about that and there is nothing much you can do.

2. Coming out can be as difficult or as easy as you want to make it. As you said, your parents already knew, so whats stopping your mates from knowing? I was in a similar situation and came out to my mates. Their reaction was like "okay, well thats changed things but at the same time we sort of knew already!". Even if they dont know, it smuch healthier to be honest and your going to have to do it at some point. Thats a pretty black and white way of looking at it but I wish someone had told me before I spent so many nights overthinking it and working myself up about it.

3. I was not all that fond of the idea of spilling my guts to some guy with a degree and a couch. Its not particularly natural but it actually works. I didnt go to a one on one session with a man in a white coat, but went to a gay workshop instead, which was sort of a less pressurized situation where we just chatted about problems (you might have one in your area). The good thing about either method is that you are not the only who has had these problems as (1) and (2) should have made clear. Go talk to someone, even if its just your parents as you need to get things off your chest.

Finally, enjoy yourself, try not to let it drag you down and things will evolve naturally. :icon_bigg

 

Hmm...
I honestly think you should keep on going to your therapist.
It seems like you're about to come out and he/she might help you put things in perspective.
When I came out to my parents, my mother suggested to see a shrink (yep, for conversion therapy). I was very biased against the guy, but he was awesome. Just the first meeting with him I knew he was LGBT friendly despite the fact he's straight as a board.
I didn't want to keep on going because I didn't find it necessary; but my sister insisted me to go... and given that my parents were still "weird" about "it" (yes, it was an "it" and not a "my daughter likes girls"), I went for like three or four months. The first two sessions were about me being gay; all the others were mostly about my OCD.
I have tricho... and this duded saved my eyebrows. I ADORE the guy.

Go to the therapist. If she/he is gay friendly, then you know they won't judge you. Also they don't tell anyone what's going on... and chances are you're not their only gay patient, so what's to lose'??

I have female friends that are a bit homophobic towards lesbians. They're all like: "I love my gay male friends, but I feel unconfortable around lesbians".
So, I knew I had to tell them... because they're really dear to me. And I wasn't nervious about it, just annoyed by the fact they were not completely lesbian friendly. But I did and everything was fine. One of them (the most homophobic one) said: "Needless to say, you know that whatever you do, you'll always have nothing but my support". And I was like: "Alright!! I love you, dudette!! lol".
I still think that they don't quite understand how this thing works, but they've been very cool about it. Sure, I still have to educated them a bit on this regard but nothing that has made me unconfortable and made me feel bad.

I really don't have much wisdom about you and your friend... because I have never had a crush on my best friend(s); but in all honesty I think, if your friend is really your friend even when you tell him you have a crush on him, he won't turn his back on you. He'll let you know easily that he doesn't play for our team; but he's on your side.

---------- Post added 23rd Oct 2012 at 03:41 PM ----------

Also go to the GSA.
LGBT people know that coming out can be hard, so they won't pressure you into doing things you won't feel confortable with.
You can start mentioning people that you went to the GSA group... and if the ask you how come, just tell them: "because I play for the cool team".
Or wear the rainbow bracelets. I do that... but, somehow I still get hit on by guys. (-_-")

 

Maybe you can skip the "I have a crush on you" part, if you don't feel confortable about it.
Once again if he's TRULY your friend, he won't be an ass about it.
He'll just say: "sorry, man. I'm not into dudes"... and he'll say it NICELY.

I really wanna refrain to tell you what to do regarding that one. I haven't had crushes on my closest female friends. There's some sexual tension with one of my friends, who happens to be bi (the sexual tension goes both ways); but I honestly don't want to go there. I think it'd ruin the friendship and frankly I don't think I could trust her (she's sooo promiscuous).

I think that, given that you're reaching your boiling point (and there's no need for that), you might want to start coming out. After you do it, you'll start growing more and more confortable with that... Hell, you'll start singing the Gay Song!
LGBT people will always be easier to rely on.