Let me just start off by saying i am jealous. Incredibly jealous. Any type of comment will set me off and turn me into a horrible monster filled with insecurity and hatred. Ive never had a boyfriend before, so no traumatic experiences to excuse my ways. So my boyfriend is best friends with his ex. (I get angry just by typing this (!)) They dated for four years and broke it off during the summer, however they have always been close and shit. Due to my extreme jealousy I tend to check his twitter and all that shit, I dont know its something that I cant control. It is rediculous how many probable cheating situations I have come up with in my head. He has told me that there isnt anything between them, but his ex STILL has feelings for him :bang:. The other day we were skyping and him and his ex were also talking because his ex was helping me with some work, and my boyfriend copied the work and sent it to me. He copied the conversation and along with it came something from him, "you are the best ex out of them all love you xoxo". Haha, for some reason that hurt me a lot. Yesterday I was on my tumblr and I saw an ask that an anon had left my boyfriend, it said "you're my crush", I check and there was one note.. his ex liked that post. So what do i do? I send his ex an anon. It was probably really obvious who it was coming from because his ex already knows I hate him and Im extremely jealous. This is what i sent him "I advise you to stay away from past exes, dick head" :eusa_clap Woo... I wasnt even going to send it, but I did. So now here I am, he sent me a message asking me what I sent to his ex, and I tried to play it off, but he knows. His ex told him, so that makes it even worse. I really dont know what to do...:help:
First of all, you took the wrong approach in sending the ex a message, especially one that comes off as threatening. However, you are justified in feeling uncomfortable. The best option was to talk to your boyfriend about why you are uncomfortable with him talking to his ex who still has feelings for him. I think you need to talk to your boyfriend about how you are feeling and then apologize to his ex about what you sent over tumblr.
A bigger issue than this specific event is your jealousy. If you don't get it under control, it will kill your relationship, and it will interfere in every relationship you have until you do get it under control. The jealousy comes from a very deep insecurity. My guess is that somewhere down there, you don't feel like you deserve a good boyfriend, and you're deathly afraid that anyone or anything that comes along will steal your boyfriend... because you don't believe you're worthy of him. So you need to work on your self-worth and self-esteem. It's not going to be a quick fix, but one of the first steps is just owning and understanding it. The next is talking openly with your boyfriend about your fears. Not your fear that he's going to cheat on you, but your fear that you aren't good enough for him, and that's where the jealousy is coming from. If he understands, then perhaps he can help you to learn to feel safer. Finally, I strongly suggest you check out Brené Brown's three TED videos, you can find them on Youtube. Watch the TEDx Houston one first, then kansas city, then the TED one. Dr. Brown's work goes straight to the core of self-esteem issues, and she helps us understand the underlying factors, and how we get past the things that are in the way of feeling happy and self confident. You may also want to directly ask your boyfriend how it feels to have you being so jealous. I think if he feels like you're concerned about how it makes him feel, as well as what you're feeling... both of you can start to have a more open and honest communication, which is crucial if you expect the relationship to be able to get past these current difficulties.
