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I miss my old boyfriends?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by tomas, Oct 16, 2012.

  1. tomas

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Armed Forces
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Married with child. Homosexual past. Found it to be, in my case, self-centered, envy-based, obsessive, and ultimately toxic. Abandoned it. Much happier now, but really missing the skin touch camaraderie, and fearless surrender to deep male friendship. Was it all an illusion caused by sexual feelings? Or is there a true non-sexual brotherly love that I'm not allowing myself to have, because of dissatisfaction with my past experiences? Anyone?

    And I'm not a repressed homosexual or afraid of coming out. I came out to everyone when I was in high school. It just didn't work for me, emotionally, even though the sex was enjoyable.

    Am I the only one?
     
  2. hypersonic

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    A few people
    Hi. I'm new on this forum. I do believe a true non-sexual brotherly love exists and I call it unconditional love. I would think that if a person can transcend beyond his sexual feelings (for a person having a certain crush/lust towards a certain individual) or if sexual feelings are not in the picture, a person who can look past stereotypes and prejudices (about bromance and close male relationships), a deep bond ensues between two male beings encapsulating their souls, making a brotherly love possible. That's how I see it (quite philosophical, I apologize). Just knowing you can be close to someone (sharing life stories etc.) makes it all worth it.
     
  3. Jim1454

    Full Member

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    Hi there, and welcome to EC!

    I'm not sure I understand your question - or your situation. When you say you came out in high school but it didn't work for you, what do you mean? You 'thought' you were gay, and had same sex experiences with other men, but in the end decided you weren't gay?

    I would think that if you still think of yourself as gay but you've entered into a long term heterosexual relationship that you're likely keeping a safe distance between you and other men for fear of actually establishing an emotional connection.

    Because if you were to establish a real loving emotional relationship with a man, and you know already that you enjoy physical relations with a man, you're really be all set to have a homosexual relationship - but that isn't an option any more now that you've taken the heterosexual route.

    Does that fit at all?

    Personally, I never had any real close 'buds' when I was growing up. I had good friends that I did lots of activities with, but I think I always somehow felt a little different from them. And it wasn't until I was in my mid 30s that I realized I was gay - and that's likely what I was feeling and couldn't put my finger on it...