I like my closet.

Hey once you're fully accepted by yourself and comfortable with being gay. And as I was also completely comfortable in my closet but when I realized I was just denying that I was gay and not bisexual I really just wanted to let someone know. And maybe the same will happen to you. Hope feel better soon, people are always here to talk if you need it.

 

Once you can accept yourself, you can accept others' thoughts of you. I almost came out on facebook tonight, but decided not to since I have family members/close friends/church members on there who don't know my orientation, so I'd better not. :lol:

I guess I'm not fully willing to accept myself either, but isolation is definately not the answer! Not for me anyway. I want meaningful relationships with people who love me for who I am and not what I pretend to be. I'm a sap like that.

 

Stress is different to us all. Some people missing a phone call to the world can kill them where to others breaking both their legs is nothing. You are not pathetic in any way.

 

You sound a bit similar to how I was.

I knew I was gay for a while, Yet, I was prepared to stay in that closet, make a nice lonely life for myself and call it even. Sounds... manageable right?
I had no reason to be afraid of reactions I would get from people either. My parents and friends and my family(most) are pretty tolerant. I even told myself I was asexual, avoiding that I was gay, hoping that somehow I would turn straight.

But... After while, that closet gets really dusty, and really dark when the light-bulb burns out.

You can do it, I know you can. It takes some effort and courage, but after you tell your first person, you will feel better, and you will look back at the closet and wonder why you confined yourself there. You think that staying closeted is what you will for the rest of your life be because you don't know of another alternative feeling.
You are NOT pathetic. I promise.

Step on out,

You'll get some fresh air out here.

 

There's nothing pathetic about you. When I was younger, I went through a similar phase before I came out. For a long time, I convinced myself that I was perfectly happy to remain in that closet for the rest of my life, and I really believed it. It wasn't so much a fear of the outside world (Save one person ), but more something I was facing within myself. I was in the same position though: I couldn't see myself ever coming out. It just wasn't going to happen. If you'd asked me about a year before I came out for the first time, I would have told you with absolute certainty that I was never going to tell anybody.

For me, things just changed within. I'm not exactly sure how I got there, but one day I just decided it was time. Maybe, if you give it some time, the same will happen for you. Just a thought. There's no rule that says you have to come out right now anyway. You're the one who gets to decide when it happens, and nobody else can tell you it's the right time or the wrong time.

I also wouldn't worry too much about the lying about it that you've done. If you decide you're ready one day and go on to come out to them, they'll probably understand if you explain your reasons, and they'll probably be happy that you finally feel up to telling them.

Good luck Crassus. Let us know if things do change

 

Wow, okay, are you me? I'm pretty comfortable in my closet as well, I have nothing to really worry about if I came out fully but I'm safe in this small closet. I don't think that there's anything wrong with finding comfort in your closet as long as you're not trapped in there forever. It's hard if you're still questioning, like I am, too.

 

A lot of people live all their lives alone. But no one is ever prepared to live alone. Nothing can prepare you for that.

I understand (at some extent) what you say. I never been an icon of the woman's desire's (fat and ugly is hardly what a woman looks for). Though now I accept I'm bisexual, I'm still more attracted to woman, but a loooong time ago I made up my mind, so I knew I'll be alone the rest of my life. I set my mind to it.

But, now I live at an apartment, alone of course. When I return home, I'm alone, and I feel freakishly sad, because I don't have a person I can share my life with.

I'm not pessimist, however, and I'm still 25, so I won't give up, and hope I find someone someday.

The same goes for you. You're only 20, you still got a lot of life in front of you. You still have a lot of time to come to terms with your sexuality. And once you're comfortable with yourself, you'll still have plenty of time to come out to family and friends.

And, when that time comes, you don't worry about saying you were straight to your friends, they're most likely to said "I knew it!" than to get angry with you.

Remember, you don't need to get out right away, eventually you'll find the right time (and the right "urge") to come out.

 

Basically, here's how it works. You've kind of already stepped out of the closet by admitting to yourself that you're gay. That means you're no longer in that safe space any more. But you can move from a safe space to another safe space. The safe space you were in is "I am straight." Now you're actually in a pretty dangerous place, which is the "I know I'm gay but don't want to admit it to anyone" space. Where you'd like to be is "I'm gay, and everybody knows, and that's okay."

Right now, you're kind of bargaining with yourself. You'd like not to be open, and you're justifying this by saying you can handle being alone. Maybe now you can, but there's going to be a certain point where you can't. You will need another woman in your life; and to have a healthy relationship with another woman, you'll have to be open about yourself to other people.

But it sounds like you have many allies out there. I would try to talk about this with your real life gay friends.

We'll be here for you every step of the way.

 

I knew that you would struggle, and I somewhat regret putting it such alarmist terms as I did. My intent was to try to give you a sense of urgency but also hopefulness about the need to come out. I think you know that on some level, you won't be secure in this place forever, especially as the dissonance builds between who you are and what you present to the world. Another thing I tell people is that you can't really date on the down-low. Not only is it harder to find mates (because you're scared to be seen going to lesbian spaces, and because you'll be trying to present hyper-straight, etc), when you are able to find one, you may not keep her (because out gay partners want to be publicly acknowledged).

When I said "urgency," I don't mean rush the process. I think that you should go through the coming out process as you feel safe to do so, but at the same time, I encourage you to push the envelope a little bit as far as what you consider safe to be. Coming out is like sex--always a risk, but more often than not, it has fulfilling outcomes.

It wasn't fast for me. It took me six years to become fully comfortable with myself.

Blessings to you.

 

Don't make yourself feel bad for not wanting to come out. It sounds to me like it really is just all about you exploring and discovering who you are and then accepting whoever that may be. Easier said than done and it may take years, but it is the only way you will ever be happy.
Don't worry about others right now and stop downing on yourself. Be yourself and I hope you can accept that person. I was lucky in the fact that it hasn't taken me that long to accept myself, but for a lot of people it takes a long time. I hope this is helpful and I hope you find the courage to break free of your closet when you finally get comfortable with who you are.