I hope this isn't the wrong place to post this or that any of you will mind. If it is misplaced, please forgive me and help me put it in the right forum? I've been doing a lot of very serious thinking about my gender lately, even more so since I joined this site and began reading encouraging and supportive posts. I saw the advice to try saying something out loud and see how it fit. And i'm still not 100% sure, but after a few things, when I said, "I'm a crossdresser", it seemed right. I kind of laughed, because I didn't expect that. It still sounds a little funny, but not uncomfortable. Whatever else might be the case, I definitely have to crossdress to feel I'm presenting myself accurately to strangers. I have been taking steps for a long time. Although it's only looking again from a distance at my past that I see all those steps, because they've been so natural they were mostly invisible to me. So I guess this was a moment of progress, or clarity. And kind of a small relief. Even though I'm still uncertain, I could breathe easier and felt better about being seen and interacting with others today. The down of today came just now, when I was reading some discussion on tumblr and people were attacking the ideas of trans*, genderqueer, genderfluid, and non binary gender identity, saying it was just bored girls misunderstanding how gender works, comparing it to otherkin, saying anyone who believed in it was an idiot. I know they're not right, in my head. But it was still like a punch to the diaphragm to read that whole thing. My stomach is still twisting a little. Maybe this isn't the right place to post something like this, but this forum is the first place I thought that might understand my feelings, and the only place I have really discussed issues like this with anyone. I'm not really looking for advice, I guess I just wanted to talk to you guys. Thanks for reading, wandering
Yeah.. There are some places on Tumblr that really attack trans* identities. The main thing for me is that I know how I feel, so I don't let those people bother me. As for your gender, I'm glad to hear that you are figuring things out. It can be hard because there are so many different identities. It took me a long time to figure out the right name for how I feel.
Yeah, thank you. I haven't left the house since that day but when I think about going out again it gives me a strange new source of strength, even if it's quiet and small right now. I know when I have to go outside I won't be so trapped in my own head with worry.
