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HELP: Did I just got Friendzoned? What happened? Confused!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by tabasco143, Oct 17, 2012.

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  1. tabasco143

    tabasco143
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    I just got into this confusing situation, and I need your feedback guys..

    But first, let me tell you a little about myself to make it a little easier for you to give me advise:
    - NO ONE knows that I am gay but MYSELF. (and probably some men I had discreet sex with. But I was never out, never will be.)
    - If you see me / know me, you will never have a CLUE that I am gay, because I am naturally "manly-acting" and because of my physical appearance (goatee, muscular, shaved head.) My friends and people around me thinks i am totally straight.


    Anyway, so I saw this certain guy at school and I was instantly hooked by his great looks. We do not know each other at first, but I see him everyday since we are just confined in a specific area at school..

    At first, I was just looking at him from afar, but for some reason, these past weeks, he finally noticed me. To make the long story short, I just found ourselves exchanging looong glances, smiles, and little conversations. And this happens every day.. Our glances lingers for several seconds and ALWAYS ends with a smile, and this happens for like, the whole day, for weeks. I always catch him staring at me, then when I do, he smiles and nods his head, and vice versa.. This happens for the entire week as well.

    My infatuation was getting stronger and stronger and I can't help it. My instincts tells me that this guy MOST probably likes me too, but the big question is, I am not sure if he is STRAIGHT or not. I saw his Facebook and he has a girlfriend, but I still has doubts because of the actions he displays with me. No straight guy will hold that long of an eye contact with another guy, I just know.. But then, I'm not sure.

    Then, last week, we bumped into each other and just out of the blue, talked about grabbing a drink out sometime.. We exchanged numbers, but I didn't text at once coz I dont wanna come off as too clingy or agressive.. I waited until today to text him and ask him out for a drink or two, and he gladly said "SURE! I'd love to!"

    Here's the problem: After we have set the time and place on our supposed to be "night out," (we are conversing over text):

    He: "..Cool, it's set then.. Hey, by the way, bring some of your friends."
    Me: (in my mind: WTF!?!) "Oh..... I'll see if I can invite some... Why, are you bringing some of your friends?"
    He: "Hmm.. I'm planning to bring 3 of my friends... Is it OK with you?
    Me: (in my mind: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!) "Sure. Thanks!"

    What did just happen? All this time, I was assuming that we will be going out just the two of us.. I didn't react violently of course, because we are not yet really that close and I don't wanna come off as demanding or anything.... I don't wanna say "DON'T bring your friends coz I want to get you alone with me!" That would be too awkward.

    But WTF, did I just misinterpreted every signals he showed me for these past weeks?! Did I just got friendzoned? What should I do? Need your help, this is really confusing. :bang:
     
    #1 tabasco143, Oct 17, 2012
  2. ryan the human

    ryan the human Guest

    Maybe he just decided that he would rather hide his feelings? If you're so sure he was reciprocating those feelings at first, and suddenly he tries to bring people into it, maybe he's even more afraid of getting seen in that situation than you are? It sounds like a friend-zoning -_- but it doesn't sound like he was trying to shoot you down. You said he has a girlfriend, maybe he's just embarrassed, or really shy? You could always casually state that you thought it was just going to be the two of you, I suppose.

    I'm not really sure what else to tell you, sorry it took a sad turn. :/
     
    #2 ryan the human, Oct 17, 2012
  3. TheEdend

    TheEdend Guest

    Honestly, there is no way to know except to ask him. He could be hiding his feelings, he could just be uncomfortable being with a new person alone, you could have just read the signs wrong or he could just be straight and really friendly. Only one sure way to find out, though.
     
    #3 TheEdend, Oct 17, 2012
  4. Mirko

    Mirko
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    Hi there! Welcome to EC! :slight_smile:

    Given that he has a girlfriend, and has asked you whether or not it would be okay to bring friends along, my guess is that he is either deeply in the closet, or straight. Often times it is best to err on the side of being 'straight' unless he comes out to you.

    The decision you have to make is whether or not you can be a friend and move on from your crush on/feelings for him. When we feel ourselves drawn to someone, it is easy to misinterpret signs and words.

    See how the get together goes, and how he acts and what he says. Get to know him some more, and if you feel comfortable (at some later point in time) come out to him, and take it from there.
     
    #4 Mirko, Oct 17, 2012
  5. ryan the human

    ryan the human Guest

    OR... and bear with me, he might not be sure that you're interested in him. He might even be willing to reciprocate, you said yourself that nobody would know you're gay, maybe you gave him some kind of sign that he took to mean you weren't ready/interested?
     
    #5 ryan the human, Oct 17, 2012
  6. justinf

    justinf
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    ^ that's what I was thinking.

    Just like you're not sure about his sexuality, he might be really unsure about yours. If he thinks you may be straight, he probably wants to make sure it's not gonna be awkward. It sounds to me like he's just as confused as you are. Maybe he even wanted to gauge your reaction.
    I think it's a good idea to mention you thought it was just gonna be the two of you.

    Keep in mind, though, I might be wrong.
     
    #6 justinf, Oct 17, 2012
  7. ryan the human

    ryan the human Guest

    Even just saying you thought it would just be the two of you can be useful, you could get a lot of information by gauging his response, and it doesn't have to imply something you'd rather keep secret if you ask it the right way!
     
    #7 ryan the human, Oct 17, 2012
  8. tabasco143

    tabasco143
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    Thanks for your help guys.. Darn this depresses me big time. This is the worst part of being in the closet / being in the third sex. It's really unfair.

    We haven't set the date yet, he will be informing me of the final date of the "date-turned-into-get-together" thing. LOL. Im assuming this weekend..

    The thing is I have no plan to bring ANY of my friends along. He on the other hand will bring 3 of his. If I push through with this and go with them for a drink, that would be tooo awkward for me, ill surely be out of place since I don't know his 3 friends that will come along.

    When the time comes, Should I just make an excuse to totally back off from the night out? I'm planning to say:
    "Hey, none of my friends would be available, and to be honest I'm really shy to be together with 3 of your friends.. Bec. I really thought there will be just the two of us.. Maybe next time.. But anyway, have fun bro!"

    Ill try my best to say it in a casual way. But we will probably talk this over text message because it's too awkward to talk about this in school where a lot of people are around.

    What do you think? Should I just move on and forget this guy, or at least try to join the night out and see what happens from there?
     
    #8 tabasco143, Oct 17, 2012
  9. Lance

    Lance
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    Why not join them? It's also a possibility that he could be bluffing about the friends, who knows? There is a certain saying that I like and try to follow myself, it's: Life begins at the end of your comfort zone. Recently I've been trying to live by that a bit and have had some of the most fun times of my life so far because I pushed myself to do things I normally wouldn't be comfortable doing. If you do go, I'm sure they won't exclude you, especially him if he does in fact want to get to know you.

    If you really can't get yourself to go, then that text sounds fine though. At least he would know you prefer a one-on-one get together next time.
     
    #9 Lance, Oct 17, 2012
  10. ryan the human

    ryan the human Guest

    Lance is right, he might be just as shy as you, he might have brought up the friends just to test if you wanted to go alone. Don't forget that not everyone is brilliant, this might be his ham-handed way of trying to get comfortable! I like what you are thinking about asking him, you've found a good way to ask the question that hopefully, if he returns the feelings, will encourage him to leave the friends behind :slight_smile:
     
    #10 ryan the human, Oct 18, 2012
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