Bear with my ramblings, I just need to get this out there. I know a couple months back my boyfriend and I broke up so he could see how far his attraction to men went. Good and fine with me, even told him so. We went our separate ways, deciding to stay friends. I worked through the week of tears and longing and thought I had gotten over him. Lately though, I don't think so. If I let my mind wander (generally do during deep meditations and writing exercises) it generally goes to him. His name will pop up at random times and then recede. Sometimes it will persist until I call him but for the most part I suppress that urge and go about my day. We do still talk and hang out regularly, but it isn't like we used to when we were in a relationship. On top of that, I've found myself checking out women and men alike. I'd always feel guilty/weirded out doing so afterwards and even yell at myself mentally for doing it in the first place. :tears: I've tried talking to the councilors the college provides b/c am too broke to go see an actual therapist. I really don't want to have this kind of discussion with my parents, let alone my friends. I don't know what else to do. What is wrong with me?
There is nothing wrong with you you've just gone through a break up over difficult circumstances and you should absolutely not feel guilty for checking other people out you are not with your boyfriend any more although it sounds like you feel like you are mentally cheating on him still. You say you are still hanging out with him regularly but perhaps that is part of the problem maybe you need to get some distance? Hang out with other friends, pursue new hobbies and interests, date other people?
There's nothing at all wrong with you. I got dumped by my boy friend this summer and you better believe I didn't take it that well. Every time I thought I was getting over him and looking forward to the potential in the future, I'd hit a road block and go right back to desperate longing for him to take me back. It takes a little while, but you do eventually get over them. Getting over a relationship is in many ways similar to getting over a drug addiction. You are addicted to the feeling caused by the release in dopamine when you are around them. Your instincts are going to be to spend more time around them, but if you do, you'll never really get of him. Perhaps you should stay friends down the road, but for now I think it would be good if you kept your distance for at least a few weeks. A few weeks of no contact is what finally helped me to get over my ex. Keep seeing the college counselors. They'll help you work out your feelings. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having some bisexual feelings. Don't think that just because you are checking out girls means you have to run out and tell your family and friends right away. Take some time to settle things with your break up first. Get your mind clear before you start tackling any other problems. Good luck (*hug*)
