Ok so first of all this isn't really a "gay issue", I just really needed to post this to get some feedback and hopefully advice. Long story short, both my mother and father had substance-abuse issues, and I have had to experience my dad's alcoholism firsthand for years. As a result, I have learned to absolutely hate alcohol. I'm a senior in high school, so you might see how this could pose a problem. None of my friends are real partiers really, but everyone is starting to explore a bit more with this stuff, which I guess is normal. I can rationally say to myself that its normal for people to try, but when my friends tell me they tried it or got drunk I literally start to shake, I am so angry. I've never felt myself get this mad before. The important thing to remember here is none of my friends drink a lot. For example, on New Year's my best friend called me after drinking a bit, telling me he liked trying it all out. I was so mad I didn't talk to him for a week. If a friend of mine drinks a single beer I get so pissed off. In my mind, alcohol is such a negative thing, I can't possibly imagine my best friends who i love a lot being exposed to it. I feel like crying when I think about this, I'm just not sure what I can do about it. Because I am really the abnormal one who has a problem with drinking, they are in the same shoes as nearly every other teenager trying it for the first time. I'm becoming increasingly worried about this, because after Prom this year my group of friends and I are going to the shore, where I'm sure drinking will be involved. I want to ask my one best friend at least to not drink, would this be too much to ask? Thanks to anyone who replies
If it's anything like my prom party, everyone will be trashed.. you won't be able too change them or that fact. You need too learn too deal with it yourself. Ask one if they wouldn't mind staying sober, but i know none of my high school friends would have - but then again i was trashed myself.
Honestly, it's probably too much to ask. Young people do get drunk, and you're going to look like the unreasonable one. It sounds to me that you understand intellectually that all of your friends are okay, but you don't emotionally. It sounds to me like you have a phobia of alcohol. While this is understandable, if you didn't talk to your friend for a week after ONE beer it's something you need to look into. I would suggest looking into some kind of therapy to come to terms with it. You don't have to like alcohol, and that's completely normal, but being crippled by your fear of it isn't something you want to be stuck with for the rest of your life.
Well I actually didn't talk to him for a week after he had gotten pretty drunk, I don't think one beer would've called for a week of the cold shoulder lol. All of my close friends know about all this, and honestly I don't care that they think its unreasonable. I definitely know its too much to ask for all of them to be sober after prom, but is it really that hard for my one closest friend to just not drink on that one occasion? I know its his decision and I can't just tell him never to drink, but I'm hoping he would be considerate enough of me just this ONE time...I mean I want to have a good time too, I don't wanna be stuck with them if they are all drinking.
I disagree. It isn't too much to ask, particularly if you explain why it's bothersome to you. And if your friend is a really good friend, who will put your desires in front of something that isn't a necessity for him... then he'll agree to do it for you. But it being too much to ask is different from him agreeing to it. It is a big request, and if he doesn't want to do that, it's not because he doesn't care about you, but because (most likely) he cares about "belonging" which is an incredibly important thing for people in high school. I should think, if properly explained, he'd understand. I can completely relate to everything you're saying. I grew up with an alcoholic father, and completely understand all of the feelings you have, they're very typical of an adult child of an alcoholic, and I've been there. But over time, you need to learn to adapt and understand that your friends, because they get trashed here or there, aren't going to turn into your father. That understanding doesn't come about overnight, because it's been patterned into you over many years. So for the meantime, I think it's very reasonable to explain to your friends why this is such a big deal for you, and that you understand it's irrational, but not completely within your control. And, hopefully, one person out of your group will "get that" and choose to stay sober with you. Honestly, one can have a fabulous time around a bunch of sloshed people, observing how ridiculous they all are. And it comes in even more handy at business conventions where you're there working for a company, because everyone is drunk out of their minds and will spill all sorts of proprietary business secrets, which you... as the sober one... are there to absorb and use to your own advantage. Done that more than a few times... and still had fun. If you haven't read any of the books on what goes along with being an ACoA, there are a couple of excellent ones I can point you to. And there are ACoA groups, as well as Al-Anon and Alateen, which might be really helpful for you as well. For what it's worth, I very rarely drink now, not because I fear becoming an alcoholic, or have some hatred for alcohol, but simply because... I don't like the effect, and it holds no interest for me. And among my circle of friends, we're all pretty much the same way (ranging in age from early 20s to 50s and beyond). One or two are recovering substance abusers but the rest just never had any interest. And while our group might be a little "boring" by conventional standards, we have a really good time together... with no hangovers or other worries about the aftereffects
Thanks for the reply And I don't think I'll honestly ever be able to actually enjoy myself around a bunch of drunk people. I've spent too long "babysitting" my father when he was drunk and I don't really want to do that anymore. In the few conversations I've had with my friend about this he seems like he kindof understands, although I'm not sure if he will agree to not drinking. He only got drunk once that time on New Year's and never again after that, so he probably just wanted to try it, its not like he is looking for reasons to drink.
