I think I really need some advice here. See, I've only recently come to terms with the fact that I'm gay and am probably in the so called stage 2 of the process. As if the whole thing was not hard enough, I've recently began having feelings for a close friend of mine (girl), which really screws the whole process up. I've known her for a long time and she's the only girl/person I've ever had such strong feelings for. I told her all about it several times but she was always with someone or not interested. Yesterday we began talking again after a year (we los touch) and she tells me she is fighting with her boyfriend again. Just like last time, I got all hyped up for nothing. It's just not fair. I got over her and in that thime discovered my sexualty and now this feels like a huge step back. I just don't want to go through the whole process all over again. I sacrificed too much last time. Ahem. Anyway that's a very long rambling, sorry. I could reaaaally use some advice. What do I do?
You might be bisexual? I think if you're sexually attracted to her, then it's totally legit. I can't say I haven't tried each. It's like, you don't have to be COMPLETELY gay. There's always room for someone if they're special enough. But you can't change your feelings; at least not on purpose, lol. [Honestly I thought, because of the title, that a girl liked you, lol]
Time will tell. I consider myself gay, but there is ONE girl who I have had a genuine sexual attraction to (fantasies and all), but ALL other girls do nothing for me. I think you'll figure it out, but why bother with labels? Just go with the flow.
Well something similar happened to me.... I was in stage 2 denial and there was this girl at school who I had this weird crush on...then I found out she liked me so we went out. I actually loved her because when we broke up(lol she had crazy parents) I was lying on my bed like the whole day crying ( I even cut myself - Dumb thing to do) and she said she was going to work I said il meet her there even though i knew I would be able to see her for only like 3mins( thanks to my wonderful biking skills( I biked across town too) well we decided to just be friends... and later on I reliased I only loved her platonically( I think that means as friends lol :/) and not in the way you're supposed to in a relationship. So it could be the same kinda thing??
Agreed. Youre being far too quick to label yourself. You are starting the process to finding out who you are, but now you're suffering from this setback. I think a large amount of this is not only worry from trying to find out who you are, but also worrying that you may have to start all over again. There is no simplicity when it comes to liking somebody, especially when you don't even know your own sexuality. The word "gay" is nothing more than a label. Just because you like this person does not mean you don't fit into this label, as lots of people are not 100% homosexual/heterosexual. The only reason we think these exist is because it is how society does it. It is natural for us to want to be labelled as something so that we can be identified, but you need to take a step back and think what you really want. You can't worry about the acceptance stages as right now they are not the issue. You need to discover what you want before you even think of going any further, and i'm afraid it is unlikely that you will do so if you concentrate on trying to admit you're gay. There is a reason i have brought this up. I think it is important you take a step backwards. Sometimes things do have to get worse before they get better, and although postponing your sexuality acceptance will cause you some emotional stress it will work better in the long run. By concentrating on your feelings you will be able to figure out if you are bi who strongly prefers males, or if you are gay and maybe you are just attracted to your friend because you are close and both bond well together. If you accept yourself as gay without clearing up these feelings then you are just going to be in more doubt about your sexuality, and that itself will result in you going through the stages yet again. Just make sure you tackle the issues one at a time. I can't make you do them in my desirable order, but you really need to consider which you need to work on first. You have plenty of time to discover yourself, but you will have great difficulty doing so whilst you have these unsolved feelings.
You've had some good advice ^^^ When I was a bit older than you I had a crush on a girl and imagined all the sexual things I wanted to do with her!! This made me realise that perhaps I wasn't gay but Bi. I chose not to label myself for years (and I'm still not 100% sure) because although I was having sex with guys I still enjoyed sex with girls and loved them. I married one!! Don't be in a rush to label yourself. None of us fit neatly into any category - there are always some grey areas. Don't see this as a setback but more as a further realisation of how we can't neatly lable ourselves. You will eventually discover whether you do fancy a girl enough to want to have sex. I sure some of us have had sex with a girl just to convince ourselves that it's not what we want! If you continue to have sexual crushes on girls then you're probably Bi. KatoKumi above ^^^ somes it up beautifully. Good luck.
If you have feeling on any one, boy, or girl, then go for it Dont wonder who you are, soemtiems it cant be describe as gay, straight or bisexual, I say that Im gay but I dont want to say' I am gay, so I must not have feelings for ghirls' because that will just leave me confused not knwo what to do, so I just express my feelings for anyone, male or female who I have a crush on If you already show them your feelings, and they are not interested, that's ok, because it happens alot. I have read that it said " The key of your orientation is the romance. If you are a male and you're able to fall in love with a guy, rather than sexual contacts with him, then your gay", but I dont think it's always true
Hm~ I always like only girl in past but I love best friend who is boy. Because he is boy is not mattering. Maybe this is same with you. Most time you are only liking boy but you are liking this girl any way.
Thanks to all, it's really great advice. I'm seeing things from a different perspective now. I guss I must accept that I'll stay in the grey area. It's just confusing, I never thought of coming out before coming to EC, and now... well I wonder if I should leave it pending before I figure out this feelings for that girl. And yes, there is some sexual attraction to her, as well as... "platonic?" love or however it's called. Maybe i'm Bisexual maybe I'm gay with exceptions or maybe I'm just someone who likes boys and sometimes girls... There's still that question, I mean... what if I go for it with her and leave my gay thoughs behind. Should I just hide it all until it's over with her and then I start exploring again?? Sorry for the loong questions and really appreciate your concern.
The risk there is that if you're truly gay, then those feelings will always dominate. It's nature! In my case, I fell for a girl and have been with her since. Although gay feelings are always in me, they never dominate enough to want to leave her and find a guy. Hence Bi. You risk nothing in the short term. Go with her and explore what you really feel. It's one way of finding out but be careful of hurting her. BTW - Platonic does mean a loving relationship without sex.
Being gay but occasionally going out with or having sex with the opposite sex is known as being homoflexible. I've known a lesbian who had a long (and eventually sexual) relationship with a man. So it is possible to do and not just leave homosexuality.
Gosh this is me! Just as I think I've got it all figured out and I am definitely gay/definitely bisexual (I would never claim to be straight lol) I change my mind and realise that I actually like mostly girls/boys. I think I'll always be like this I guess I tend to fall in love with people rather than a particular gender.
Well, it's settled then. I like people, not gender. How deeply philosophical eh ? One thing's true though: I will always like boys better. The feeling is... indescribable. But many of you know how that's like, i guess. And it works any way you can think of, I mean... you like what makes you happy or gives you satisfaction in one way or another. Oh and just so you know, it's most definetly not likely to work out with this girl, apparently she is working things out with her old boyfriend. Funny though, it seems to match with the time she stops speaking to me. Hehe, EC is a great place..
