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I uh... want a boyfriend but I'm tired of being single

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by D4rk Sp4rt4n, Oct 17, 2012.

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  1. D4rk Sp4rt4n

    D4rk Sp4rt4n
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    Hi guys.


    I want a boyfriend, and I'm really self conscious, mostly because of my weight. I'm 275, I am a lot of muscle but still pretty freakin chubby. Another detail is that I'm in the closet.

    Im sure there is someone here who has been in a situation similar to this one that could give me some golden advice.

    I'm just tired of being horribly attracted to my best friend, he knows I'm gay, he loves the hell outta me, but he's straight and married . He says I just need a boyfriend, or "You just need to have a fling with some guy, d4rk! It doesn't have to be a serious relationship, just go have a fling."

    He understands, he supports me greatly, but he doesn't understand all of the way.


    Please guys, does anyone here think a guy like me could get a boyfriend?
     
    #1 D4rk Sp4rt4n, Oct 17, 2012
  2. CTJ

    CTJ
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    There is always going to be somebody out there that likes you for you, its just gonna be almost impossible to find when you're in the closet. Unless you go for online or app hook ups and then its more than likely that you'll end up just having a fling like your friend suggested.

    I know how you feel though, im big, while alot of muscle im still chubby, deeply closeted and seriously just want a boyfriend to come home to after work. I realised after being on EC for a while that relationships while one or both parties are closeted dont work, Its not fair on either person to have to hide something like that. So i'm working on self acceptance and trying to build up the courage to come out so i wont have to hide it, Maybe you need to do the same before you can start dating?
     
    #2 CTJ, Oct 18, 2012
  3. Luke Matt

    Luke Matt
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    If you're unhappy about your weight (I'm not sure if you are or not), why don't you use 'finding a boyfriend' as an incentive to lose some of it? In saying that though, not all guys are that shallow to disregard someone purely based on physical appearance. You sound like you have some self confidence issues, though; I bet that if you lost some weight, you'd feel 100x better about your self.
     
    #3 Luke Matt, Oct 18, 2012
  4. Gravity

    Gravity
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    First of all, yes, you can find a boyfriend - your weight is no barrier to that.

    As for your friend, though - have you talked to him about how you feel, specifically that you're attracted to him? His heart may be in the right place, but if you don't feel like a fling is what you need, then obviously you don't have to do that. I'm just wondering if he's trying to "shake you off" by making that suggestion, or just doesn't realize how you feel.
     
    #4 Gravity, Oct 18, 2012
  5. D4rk Sp4rt4n

    D4rk Sp4rt4n
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    You're completely right, it's just difficult because I love my best friend to death, and his wife has no idea I'm gay. Once she finds out I don't think she'll let him be around me. But definitely, I must come out, I've been working on it, it wouldn't be fair to whoever I get with if I wasn't out, too true. Thanks for your response.

    ---------- Post added 18th Oct 2012 at 07:18 AM ----------
    Yeah I've actually joined this martial arts gym, I love boxing, and I've been going religiously for about a month now, I love it. My confidence has definitely skyrocketed since before I joined. Thanks for your response.

    ---------- Post added 18th Oct 2012 at 07:24 AM ----------
    Yes I've told him how I feel, he tells me he loves me all of the time and I do the same. He's definitely not trying to shake me, when I'm sad he askse why I seem so down, and I tell him, and after telling him that I want a boyfriend he suggests I go have a fling. He knows I'm in love with him, and he says maybe he'll try being gay one day, but for now he's married and we both have to respect it. He's not trying to shake me, he's just trying to make things better. Hell, he even said he'd go to a gay club with me to help me find a boyfriend, he's truly the best friend ever, I love the hell outta him, it's hard to let go :frowning2:.

    Thanks for your response dude.
     
    #5 D4rk Sp4rt4n, Oct 18, 2012
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