So, a few of my friends now know that I'm gay and I've started getting really confident about it, but I've had a little bit of a setback/dilemma. I want to tell all of my friends on my own terms, and my terms only, but somebody that I don't even know has found out and thinks it's okay to tell people for me. The girl in question is best friends with a guy I told when I was drunk - he promised not to tell anybody and I thought I could trust him. He told her and now she's is just casually bringing it up in conversations with my friends, luckily the friends that was present already knew, but my best friend doesn't. If he finds out through somebody else I will be really upset because I want to tell him when I feel comfortable - I seriously have no idea what to do. Do I message the girl? Do I leave it be? I'm afraid that she could be the kind of girl to not listen and just be a bitch about it, so I don't know how to approach sending her a message. UGH! :bang:
I would have thought you would tell your best friend before anyone else. No matter, tell him now so he hears it from you first. Once you tell ANYONE, you have to assume it becomes public knowledge, whether you like it or not.
I've told my female best friend, but it's the guy I'm having a tough time with. I really can't predict how he'll take it.
I personally would message her. She has no right saying anything, I would remind her that it's not her business and implore the 'good' side of her. Most people back down when directly confronted anywho.
Yeah I agree, I just don't know how to approach telling my friend. If he takes it badly, I just don't know how I'll be able to go on with college etc. I'll probably have to leave. I do think I'm overreacting and I think he'll be cool about it, I just have NO idea how to tell him. I hate the thought of being like, 'I'm gay'. It's such a cliche. I want to explain (in a better way than I'm about to) that I'm the same person, being gay doesn't mean I'm attracted to every guy I meet, being gay doesn't mean I like him and that I see him as a friend and only a friend. Ugh.
I think you should message her, explain that you want to tell people on your own terms, if she's any kind of reasonable, she'll understand.
I know the anxiety you can get from thinking about coming out to male friends as gay. You think it'll be really awkward and they'll start to wonder if you're into them, etc. I got myself really worked up about telling my friends on the swim team. I mean, we strip down to nothing but form-fitting swim suits and train together everyday! But, I did eventually tell them, and they were all cool with it. Good luck with coming out!
I think you should do both. Message her, and tell your best friend all ready. It's freaky to tell the one you care about hte most, yeah? But he'll be hurt if he's the last one to know, if you're best friends.
