I just need to get thoughts out somewhere, and here's as good a place as any. Don't get me wrong, I have no problems being gay. I'm fine with liking guys. That I'm not bothered about. What's been getting me down a lot lately is the fact that I'm just... "abnormal". I mean, it's not strictly an issue of being looked down upon or anything like that. I get that LGBT people are becoming more and more accepted, but that in itself is what's getting at me... I mean, straight people don't need to "be accepted". They just are. They be themselves with no problems, no second looks, no having to guess if your safety will be at risk for acting on your emotions. It's the fact that we even have to go through this massive process of self-acceptance and working that into society just because we're so radically different from the norm. I feel like even though things are getting better, it's still at a point where we're either terrible to some people, a big joke to others, or a "special" case in a sense. Very rarely are we just the same as other people. It's a conscious, active acceptance, you know? I dunno. Obviously it could be much worse. Like I said, just a vent.
It is indeed a conscious acceptance, but it's necessary. I know that we didn't ask to feel the way we do, but we have to learn that fighting for acceptance seems to be common. Back in the day black people had to fight for equality, yet racism still exists. We're going to have to just accept that certain people are not going to like us and there's nothing we can do about it. Accepting their ignorance makes me stronger. I'm abnormal and I'm cool with that lol. I'm a Mom with 3 boys; I have piercings and tattoos. I'm far from the ”typical” Mom, but it's what makes me ME! And there are plenty of people who look down upon me, but I'm a damn good Mom. I think we should stop wanting to be accepted, it should just be like, with straight people. It gets easier once you stop caring about what people think.
Hi there! Even though it is just a vent and it doesn't sound like you are looking for any suggestions/advice, but while reading your post, I thought maybe try to think about it this way: instead of terming yourself 'abnormal,' try to look at yourself as 'normal.' Yes, we have to go through a lot to feel accepted and feel we can finally let go of our guards however a mentor of mine once told me the following and it might be applicable here too: "instead of waiting for someone to ask you about your significant other, and you have to think about how am I going to explain it now I'm not out to them, just throw it into the conversation. If someone talks about their weekend getaway with their significant others or partners, just tell them what your plans are with your boyfriend." In other words, by being open, and just talking about yourself, and even though your are making yourself vulnerable, it allows you to cast what ever you say into the light of being 'normal'. There is nothing special about it, there is nothing that you bring out of hiding. (*hug*)
Venting is important, everyone needs to air out every once in a while ^-^. I see what you mean. Sometimes when I hear various opinions of others about the LGBT community or me specifically, it does sting for a bit. But I think the main thing to remember is that there will always be people who dont like you. If you spend your time depressed over the fact that some people dont like you, you will never be happy. In my opinion, there are billions of people on this planet. I dont have the time to convice all of them to love me. :/.
This is difficult for me to respond to, because I see two different levels of normalcy. I think what you're wanting is to be treated the same as everyone else. Not revialed, but not placed on a pedistal. You just want to be you. Gayness is just something you'd like people to be able to see, and not subtley treat differently. Just take it or leave it. i get that, and I agree. On the other hand, I think that as gay people, we really are different. We might be masculine, but because of the way we're oppressed as a group, we simply socialized differently, and I think that gives us special qualities (and not in a euphemistic sense, either). In my view, because of that socialization, we're not normal. We're on the outside fighting to get in, but at the same time--and I don't know how you feel about this, but this is just me--I kind of like being on the outside.
I've never had a problem with anyone having a problem with me. I'm pretty open and honest about my life I've brought up my boyfriend with guests of the hotel, people I work with and people in every day life and never had anyone react anything but neutral towards me regarding being gay. I think my life is pretty normal and I can say I've never gotten a reaction from anyone to show that they believe otherwise. I say treat yourself and how you live like your normal and the more you do that the more everyone else will do the same.
i just act as if everyone knows i'm gay and won't have a problem with it. i don't hesitate to mention my girlfriend at work, around my friends, family, etc. so far it has never been an issue, and i've been treated just like any heterosexual mentioning his or her significant other. so i can't say i particularly feel not-normal
I totally hear what you're saying about how easy it can seem to be straight. When I spent all those years dating men, I never had to announce anything. I may have gotten flack for my choice of individuals, but I never once had to defend my basic position of preference. Now I am with a woman, it's a whole other can of worms, and not an attractive one. America seems to have some "acceptable" types of bigotry. I think the majority of people would at least think twice before openly showing their racism, their sexist tendencies, their scorn for the disabled, etc. Not to say they wouldn't act on those feelings if they thought they'd get away with it, but they at least recognize those prejudices aren't considered socially acceptable anymore. Even with protection under the law, bashing gays seems to still be ok for many. They just do it, then hide under the umbrella of religion, and "what about the children?" baloney. If you're fat, they pretend it's all about your health. Sorry, I rambled. But yes, it's frustrating.
I see your point. However, I think to look at it the other way around. It's not you (or LGBT people in general) who are abnormal. The amount of LGBT people in the population is pretty much always the same and you can find examples of homosexuality in other species. That, to me, proves that it's how things are supposed to be. Just the same as there are left handed people and right handed people, there are straight people and gay people (and all those who are in between). That's a norm of nature so to speak. What is abnormal is that people have to fight to be who they are and to be respected just because they don't conform to a social norm. The fact being straight is considered as "the norm" is a social and historical fact. Some societies were perfectly fine with gays (lets say the Ancient Greece for example). In Europe, the fact some people were gay was commonly admitted until the XVIe century. It's the social and political changes that during the XVII and XVIII centuries that made heterosexuality to be considered as the one and only acceptable sexuality. Fortunately, social norms can change, but that comes only with fight. To give you a very simple example, my parents used to point out people who they think they were gay when we were taking a walk in the city. It was getting on my nerves very very much. So, every time they pointed out someone, whispering "Look ! They're gay !", I pointed out some random people in the street and shouted "Oh ! My God ! Look ! They're STRAIGHT !!!!!". It lasted a few times, then my parents stopped pointing at gay people in the street. That came along with other things, including tremendous amount of heated conversations with me, but I think my parents look on homosexuality changed during the last years. That being said, you can tell me that it's easy for me to say that because I'm straight. So I can fight the prejudice gay people have to face without having to feel as a target myself, and you would be right.
I forgot about this post, but thanks everyone for your replies. This in particular... I feel like you read me really well. Normally I do like playing the outsider, so this does naturally fit my personality. I guess that even though playing the outsider is hard work it feels a lot more rewarding at times. When I started this post I was at a point where I was tired of having to work to fit in with everyone else. I just wanted a break from being the outsider, I guess.
I feel the same way as you. Why is it that Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender people must be accepted while straight people are fine? What's wrong with us? Nothing. We're normal. The problem, however, is that it seems the majority's definition of abnormal is something foreign to them, such as being LGBT. They aren't, so they don't understand and respond with hostility and prejudice (at least that's how it goes in my school, mind you I'm stuck going to an all boy's school and 14 year old boys aren't really well known for their acceptance and compassion). I wish that you could be gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender and no one would take a second glance. Even before I realized I was transgender, the idea that there was prejudice against LGBT's for just being themselves baffled me. It's not like it affects them in any way. But, yeah, short form: I wish we were just regarded as people and not as 'different'. Everyone's different, we just restrain ourselves from pointing out what makes them different (usually).
Aw, I feel that. It gets really tiring, I know. It's hard to maintain because you have to keep up a special kind of strength others don't have to. We pay a definite price, and sometimes it sucks to have this orientation because of how we're treated and because few others are gay like we are. But, it still feels like a gift to me, and I hope I can make my very special arrogance rub off on you. *Bro shoulder check*
