Ehhh, let's call him, Ryan. I love my friend Ryan so much. I met him on a site that went away. It was awesome because it was my first experience with meeting intellectual gay men who weren't about sex and really just had great advice to lend and experiences, kind of like this site. Anyways, I began talking to Ryan, he was in the midwest, had a rough life from being in an extremely abusive relationship, being stalked by his ex, homeless at times, distant from family who had abandoned him for being gay and really just a rolling stone. I lost contact with him for about 7 months after talking to him for nearly a year. He's almost two years older I had a big time crush on him, still do. Anyways, he ended up moving down to alabama. surprisingly, he ended up in Atlanta and just popped up on my "dating app" one day. I was able to get in touch with him and actually had the chance to meet up with him downtown while he was in town. We took a walk.. Everything that I imagined this boy to be, he was. He was stronger than me, he was humble, he was charming, he was still vulnerable in my opinion or maybe it's the competitor in me that makes me feel like I can make him happy. Anyways, he was everything that I could have imagined him to be. One kicker, he's an escort and comes to georgia for that from time to time. We just talked and talked in his hotel... love him a lot. Anyways, his plan was to come back to georgia, but he was unable to find a place in the city. He moved north where has friends and now he's going through a lot of things I feel overwhelmed with and can't help him with such distance between us. He tells me tonight on FB that he's feeling suicidal again but he doesn't want to talk to me about it and I just feel like my hands are tied. He's always trying to be so damn strong and doesn't want me to worry, but that's impossible. I just try to make him smile when he has times like these, which works but I really wish I could say something to trigger him to let him know he can talk to me about anything.. Any advice with dealing with suicidal or people with stifling defense when it comes to their emotions?
The best thing you can do is listen, keep them talking, and keep them engaged. The majority of suicidal people *want* help and are looking for a reason *not* to harm themselves. If you feel he is in serious danger (which can be hard to tell), encourage him to get help... have him call a suicide hotline, or go to an ER, or even call 911. That can be a challenge to get someone suicidal to do so, but you just have to do your best to be supportive and help him as best you can.
Yeah, I just wish I could be there for him but he won't let me.. very frustrating. I'm surprised he told me that. he then backed out of it.
One of the hardest, and most important, lessons in life to learn is this: you cannot live someone else's life for them. At the end of the day, all we can do is offer our support and help, we can't make someone accept them. It sucks, because it means we have to watch people suffer when we could help them, but as my friend says, "You can lead a horse to water, you can pull its head down under the water, you can pull open its jaws so the water rushes in, but you can't make it swallow."
