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I hate me...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by channel48, Oct 19, 2012.

  1. channel48

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    I hate me. It stared in 6th grade. The previous year my parents got a divorce and my mom was still depressed. My teacher bullied me in 5th grade and in 6th grade I was bullied for hanging out with a lesbian. When my mom got depressed over the divorce she'd kinda let me take care of myself. I felt neglected but u couldn't tell anyone how I felt cause they'd take me away and she was good mom most of the time. I resented her for it but she doesn't remember it that way she only remembers taking care of me. Now I feel bad for being mad at her and now I hate myself for hating her. She's on a diet now and she restricts when I eat and how much. It makes me feel fat. I'm obsessed with my weight now I can't leave the bathroom without getting on the scale. I hate being around a mirror cause I hate looking at myself. I just wanna feel good. :help:
     
  2. Mogget

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    How old are you now? What's your situation?

    I would strongly suggest finding a counselor or therapist. While they can be pricey, many do charge on an income-based sliding scale, and many universities offer free or reduced counseling to their students. I also suggest getting in touch with your local chapter of NAMI.
     
  3. Caudex

    Caudex Guest

    Don't hate yourself! Here, have a (*hug*).
    To feel good, try to find something at which you ARE good. It could be anything. French literature. Physics. Nude roller-blading. Waterskiing. A sense of humor. Alliterating all appellations. Memorizing 230140123423571059314512 digits of pi. Eating pie. Eating pie in the nude. Whatever floats your boat. Oh, you could also be a buoyancy engineer.

    My point is that you're good at something. So go be good at it and you should feel better.

    IT'S EXAMPLE TIME!
    I used to be suicidal. When? From 4th to 8th grade. Why? Because of my teachers and peers. How? Because all of my life, I had adored things like the space shuttle, but my teachers were so bad that I stopped having anything I was good at. I was never good at sports. I was never good at French Literature. I was never good at nude roller-blading. And my peers certainly didn't help. But now I have an awesome chem teacher and an awesome physics teacher and I like what I'm good at again! So I'm happy! And I use more exclamation marks! So just find the thing you're best at. Let's say it's alliteration. Go find a poetry contest. Those things are ridiculously common. Let's say it's waterskiing. Go waterski for a team! It will help you will college apps. Let's say it's French Literature. Well, if that's the case, good luck. :lol: No, you can get a good teaching job in that!

    About your weight, as you become happier through this (hopefully) the issue might start to go away. If you want to feel better about your body, join cross country! If you're fat, and I doubt you are, you'll be skinnier; otherwise, you'll be in good enough shape that you won't be able to feel falsely fat anymore.

    Good luck!
     
  4. channel48

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    I'm 13 now almost 14. I live my mom and stepdad but my mom isn't depressed anymore. I don't think I'm good at anything and anytime I tell myself that I am good at something I feel like I'm bragging or full of myself. I'm not good at sports or running or anything. *sigh*
     
  5. Mogget

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    Depression, as I experience it, does two things to my perception of myself and the world around me: the first is that it completely distorts my ability to realistically assess myself, the second is to convince me that I have never been more rational. The two work in pairs, shaping my perception of myself until it's completely out of whack and I'm totally convinced that I'm seeing myself as I really am for the first time.

    In order to break out of this trap, I required therapy, the professional and detached advice and assessment of myself that I could trust even if I didn't fully believe or understand it.
     
  6. Alexander69

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    I worry about my weight all the time... Don't worry about your weight you are way way way to young to worry about that or to diet or anything! If you felt the need just eat healthy walk or work out (lift weights) I doubt you need to Hun. I'm on diets that make me eat 900cals or 1,200 cals a day which is crazy but I can't bring myself to eat more and it's sad and you don't want that! I eat very healthy and work out everyday but I start to sweat at the sight if junk food I can't bring myself to touch it I start shaking and sweating. People who are very skinny for the wrong reasons are very unhealthy, wouldn't you rather be fit and healthy? Thats why you eat healthy to be healthy not to be anorexic. Please don't worry about your weight or appearance you are far to young you are still developing and your body will change as you age. I knew girls who were sticks in elementary by high school they had big boobs hips and a beautiful shape yet thought they were fat because they looked like a regular woman. You want an hour glass shape not a pole. Just don't worry ok :slight_smile:
     
  7. Eleanor Rigby

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    I am sorry you're going through such a difficult time. Being a teenager is never easy, handling parents divorce and a depressed mother is kind of the icing on the cake.
    You have a right to feel angry. That doesn't make you a bad person. Your parents divorce, your mother's depression, the fact you had to take care of yourself during that time, these are difficult stuff to deal with for everyone, especially for a teenage girl. If you're adding to this that teenage daughter usually have a conflicted relationship with their mom, I think the feelings you're having toward your mother at the moment are perfectly normal.
    The main problem is that you're hurting and that obviously, you're not in a position where you can tell your mom about what you're hurting about. But there are other people who can listen and help.
    For example, you can go to your school counselor or your school nurse. Don't worry about being taken away from your mom. It doesn't seem your mother is abusive with you and even if you had to take care of yourself after your parents divorce, that's not going to be enough to take you away from your mother. I think it will help you a lot to have other adults to talk to and to rely on while you're having a difficult time trusting your mother.
    Keep in mind that being a teenager is uncomfortable but that we've all been here. You're not a monster or a bad daughter or anything like this. You're just a 13 years old girl who could do with a little attention from a benevolent adult, that's all.
    If you feel like talking about all this, you're always welcome to send me a PM :slight_smile:

    Take care sweetie, and keep in mind that in the end you'll be fine, I promise (*hug*)
    Cécile
     
  8. channel48

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    Thank you