Help! Dysfunctions caused from being closeted

Hey (*hug*), you're going to be fine honey.
Don't be too hard on yourself. You're in a difficult position here : it's like you've started to cross a river and then froze from fear right in the middle, you can't go back and you're too scared to move forward too, so you're stuck here in the middle, drowning yourself.
The good thing is : you know what's going on. You realize that this is related to the fact you're closeted. That you want to be truly yourself and that you're scared of other people in the same time. That's ok. Most LGBT people have been there too at some point.
I think that what you should give yourself a break and keep in mind that coming out isn't a race and that you have to do that at your own pace. What may help you could be to find a space where you can be truly yourself without fears and able to interact with other people about that may help you to go back to interact with other people, even people you're not out to. I hope going to a support group for LGBT people will give you that space you need to be truly yourself.
Maybe you should also think about getting an appointment with your college counselor. Obviously, you're dealing with a lot of stress and paralyzing anxiety right now. Talking to a counselor can help you a lot with this. I can only encourage you to take that step.
Last but not least, I think you should think about letting your teachers know you're not doing ok. I know it's something that looks scary and can be very difficult for you to do, but keep in mind teachers are human beings too. That's not going to solve your issues like magic, but I think that if you can find the strength to talk to them and just say "I know I haven't been at my best lately. I am sorry about it. I just wanted to let you know I'm having a hard time right now and I don't really know how to deal with this.", that may help you to reconnect with your teachers. Maybe not all of them would be able to listen, but I am certain that some of them will listen and care and acknowledge your feelings.
That doesn't mean that you have to come out to them if you don't feel like it, but just let them know you're not doing ok may help you realize that you can still talk to people and be understood even if you're not out to them. Fear and the feeling to be isolated are part of every human experience, what you need is to find a way, your own way, to feel connected to other people again.

If you feel like talking about it, you're always welcome to PM me or any other advisor you'd feel comfortable with.
Take good care of yourself (*hug*), Cécile

 

Hey Andmow, I've been in a sort-of similar situation. I used to go to a college far from home and being closeted made things difficult for me there. I'm still in the closet btw. But being up there, I found it hard to get to know people because I don't put myself out there and I "wasn't myself". I'm still trying to work that out as well. Anyways, the next year I ended up living with people without really talking to them- a truly uncomfortable situation. That, along with not knowing anyone enough to be comfortable/relaxed with them sorta contributed to me not doing well in school. I also didn't get help from TAs or the prof since yeah, I didn't feel comfortable about not knowing how the exchange would go.
You say you're in your last semester, so you're almost there! Its normal to worry, but don't overdo it. I know first-hand that some days it can be hard to get up, because of what happened or didn't happen the day before, but you've got to get up and go on.
I agree with Eleanor's suggestion of talking to a counselor as well as that going to the support group should help you with some of your fears and worries. Somehow, I feel pretty strongly that you should consider talking to your professors/TAs. I hope you can do that which I was unable to do myself. Please hang in there and graduate!

 

I went through a similar situation, although in grad school. Remaining closeted and lonely/isolated while my friends went on to marry and have kids made it hard to concentrate on my immediate schooling issues. On top of the stress of trying to finish up data analysis and begin writing my thesis, I was also a TA for a few labs. My thesis adviser and I never got off on the right foot to begin with and I found it hard to ask him for help since I thought I should be able to figure it out on my own being a grad student. My progress on my thesis suffered along the way and I received some rough criticism during my second committee meeting for not being farther along. A short while after that I began coming out, telling my best friend and my parents first. Months after the committee meeting it came to the point where my adviser sent me a scathing email wondering what the heck was wrong with me. Coincidentally it was national coming out week where I actually began telling my friends, so I used that opportunity to come out to him too and it helped our relationship a little bit. He was actually more understanding than I thought he would be, as he told me that his sister is a lesbian. I also decided to check out counseling at my college for a bit to deal with the stress of all of this (along with my mother dying at that time too). Although I still had residual anxiety from the way my relationship with my adviser and committee used to be, at least the working relationships improved enough for me to finally finish writing my thesis and successfully defend it.

As others suggested above, I would strongly suggest seeking counseling. Also, I would recommend talking to your professors and TA's, at the very least telling them that you are having issues outside of school affecting your school work. You could either leave it generically as "personal problems/issues" or you could use the opportunity to come out to them if you feel like they would be accepting of your orientation. Most people in college tend to be more liberal, so you would probably be fine coming out to them. If you do come out it will probably help more with your overall coming out process and prepare you for telling people later on in life (& make you more comfortable with it).

Just realize that it is completely understandable that years of suppressing your emotions will manifest itself in some manner, in our cases via struggling with schooling. The procrastination and lack of focus that you're feeling is associated with depression. Outside of counseling, the best thing you can do for yourself is to keep busy so you are not just sitting around (or laying in bed all day) constantly thinking about all of your problems and feeling helpless to it. Even if it isn't initially schoolwork, keep busy doing something productive (e.g. working out, cleaning, doing something with friends, etc.).

Hang in there! (*hug*)