I fell in love with a girl. I thought she loved me. I asked her to marry me and she accepted. But, since them, her family has made her know how much they hate the idea of her marrying me, so she quit. She dumped me and found some guy. She still talks to me and says she loves me, but all it does is hurt. I'm tired. I'm tired of breathing. I've never loved someone so much in my life. Yeah, I'm just 20, but I've never even had so much as a crush until her. I just am done with life. I don't know what to do and, more than anything, I'd like to you this knife well, but I promised her I wouldn't leave this planet. She said she needed me here, so I'm just stuck. Stuck with everything and I'm just tired.
Hey sweetie (*hug*), I'm really sorry that you're going through such a hard time. Heartbreaks are always painful and the only thing that really helps with them is time. I think it would be a good idea to try to take your distances with your ex-girlfriend. I know it's difficult, but seeing her without being with her does nothing but hurting you more. Especially as she says she loves you when she decided to broke up and date a guy instead. I'm not judging her. She probably is in a very difficult situation herself with a family who doesn't accept her for who she is, but it seems there is nothing you can do for her at this point. So I think the best thing you can do is to think of yourself and try to find a way to move on. That's going to be much easier if you put some space between the two of you. Not having to see her or to talk to her won't make your memories and pain disappear like magic, but at least, it will allow you to process through grief at your own pace. You're only 20, you have plenty of time ahead to move on, get back on track with your life and fall in love with someone who will be able to be fully committed to you. All you need is to keep holding on Take care sweetie, and if you need to talk, you're always welcome to send me a PM. (*hug*) Cécile
Hello, I'm so sorry for the pain you are going through. I remember 20, it is a very rough age for some. I'm no expert, and I'm NOT diagnosing you, but it sounds as though you may be having some very real depression. I did too, at that age. My suggestion is to at least do a little reading about depression, the symptoms, and consider talking to a health care professional about what you're going through. IF you are suffering from some clinical depression, there are ways for professionals to help, and you might get to feeling much better quite quickly. There's no reason for someone so young to have to feel so exhausted by life. You shouldn't have to endure this, to the point you just want to quit life entirely. Please understand I am only saying this because I've been there, and there is help. I wish you the very best.
Without the marriage bit, I was in a similar situation. Long read, but this is how I got closure: I fell madly in love with a girl that I knew loved me. Neither of us were out, and when we agreed to go out on date she freaked out and said she didn't want to be a lesbian. We remained (flirting) friends and talked to one another about the guys we were dating. 99% of the time, our conversations turned into arguments. It wasn't a healthy friendship. I moved 1,000+ miles away for school, and it took me a few months to realize that any type of contact with her was still hurting me. I told her that I still loved her, she denied ever giving me the impression that she liked me, and I never spoke to her again. We can't control how others feel or act; we can only take care of ourselves. If she still feels the same way about me, then I know it's her loss, but I will never have to regret not telling her how I felt. I'm not going to say I don't still think about her, but I truly believe that I did what I had to do in order to move on. Everyone deals with heartbreak in their own way, but I hope my experience helps.
I was dating a woman for a few weeks. She was the most amazing person I had ever met. We had everything in common and she was beautiful. She told me she she had hoped that we could only date each other, as she assumed I was dating others. I wasn't. We were a couple. It was great. We made long-term plans and were even looking into a vacation after christmas. A few weeks in she stopped talking to me completely. I was a mess for a while and it became even worse after I found out she was now looking to date men and wanted children and marriage. She had told me she knew she was a lesbian for a long time and was out to everyone in her life. These are the things we go through to find love. It's not a journey without heartbreak...some just get it worse than others. Eventually you will know that if she's willing to do that to you then she's not the kind of person you want to spend the rest of your life with. It hurts now, but eventually you will feel better...and find someone better for you!
