So I had a girlfriend for about 10 months. The relationship was really stressful and I was losing the emotion in it besides stress and sadness and it was bad. So I broke up with her and it was a pretty okay breakup. She seems to be doing pretty well as far as I can tell. Fast forward. Okay. I recently got into a relationship with a guy. And I'm very emotionally attracted to him. But. Uhm. I kissed him. And it was just kind of meh. There was nothing there. I was just devoid of any reaction whatsoever except for some awkwardness. And then, on attempting to kiss him again later, he stuck his tongue in my mouth and it was disgusting. I just. Ew. I thought kissing him would be somewhat pleasant but it seems as if the reality is that either I don't care or I dislike it. Can I just never kiss him again without hurting his feelings? Is there some magical way to avoid kissing? Do I have to talk to him about it? I know I probably should, but what do I say? Also, lately, I've started to kind of miss my girlfriend. I admitted to her when I broke up with her that I still had feelings for her, but there are times when I'm with my bf and I just start thinking about her and thinking about how much less awkward things were with her. And this gender flopping business. I don't think I'm physically attracted to guys, and that kiss backed up that thought. But I am dating him. Is he just a bad kisser or something (the tongue in the mouth was terrible kissing, and we both know it, but more normal kisses)? Or am I just not attracted to males... to him? Will I be able to figure this out? Because right now I'm just kind of grossed out by him and I don't want any physical contact. I know I'm attracted to girls, and it feels natural. Oh goodness. I apologize for the long, scatter-brained post. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you.
Alright, sounds like a very clear situation to me, but the solution to your problem sure isn't that clear! What I understand though is that you had good reasons to break up with your girlfriend, so that's that, Also, something drove you to date this guy. Not just being a friend, not brotherly love; dating. What was it? I think you owe yourself to figure that one out. Is he open and accepting about you having dated a girl? Because if he is, I suggest you admit to him that you're questioning your sexual orientation, and that while you do that you'd really need to slow down physical contacts with him. Like kissing. As in, give yourself time to think. To analyze your fantasies and to figure out where he fits in them exactly. Maybe you love his personality but you wish he was a girl? Maybe stubble turned you off? Because if that's just the tongue, eventually you could experiment by asking him to barely respond to your kissing, and to see if you like kissing him without tongue! It may sound weird but... you can cuddle up during a movie, and say, try to smell him and figure out if you like his scent. Hold his hand, and figure out if you like his hand. A part at a time, no hurry. I think that if he's patient enough to let you do that you'll have your answer about if you're really gay or if you're somewhere in the gray shades of bisexuality, and if he's the problem or not. I sincerely wish you good luck.
Yeah, he does know that I've had a girlfriend (actually, I talked to him a lot about her while we were still together, before I realized I liked him), and he's extremely accepting. I had been calling myself a lesbian before. I was pretty sure, but now I'm not. It's confusing. I wish I just knew whether or not I was attracted to males. Or attracted to him. As far as what drove me to date him... Probably somewhat curiosity, definitely romantic feelings. And I do like holding his hand. Thank you, that's all helpful advice. ^-^ And thank you for the good luck, hopefully I don't need it too much.
