so i mustered up the courage to tell a girl from my past that she was the one that got away she is the one i think about all the time she is the one i messed up with and so it turns out she still thought about me she still has feelings for me she still wants to be with me. one problem though...she has a boyfriend. he lives with her, he is such a wigger tool and it drives me nuts. she has to hide that shes texting me i cant see her she has to make up lies to see me and she tells me she wants to leave him and she plans on it but she cant bare to break his heart. and honestly i dont know if shell even do it. i feel like i might be wasting my time. what are my chances here? shes not even gay or so she says. im the only girl. im the only expection...i cant stand to be a secret or a back burner or even a second choice for that matter...so what do i do..advice? please...ill feel better once i make up my mind
The way I see it, there are two situations to consider. Situation One: For a long time you've thought about that girl as ideal for you. She is the One, you wrote, and you mustered the courage to tell her. Situation Two: She is not exactly who you thought she'd be. For one, she lies to her boyfriend, and she stays with him despite what you two could have. The truth is, situation One is all about You. People normally fantasize about a better life and such, about a person for you, but you forget to take the reality into account. There are aspects of this girl that you love who don't fit your dream to be with her, and as much as you wish you could just dismiss those aspects, they are part of her. Your ideal idea of you and her together, well... it only exists in your head, and I think life has just proven you than it will either stay where it is or disappear. Situation two is about reality though. You want her? You need to step out of your fantasy and actually consider what it's about. That may imply being sneaky and dramatic in order to have her leave her boyfriend for you, and then you'd have to take it on yourself when she misses him afterwards; she can be mourning her relationship with him for a long time. That may imply to have a secret relationship with the girl and everything that implies.. the sneaking around and the burden of secrecy. That may imply that you stay just friends with her for the time being and stay single, hoping that they will break up someday... ...but I don't know for you, none of these plans of action sound like the fairy tale you wish for. They actually sound very degrading and disrespectful (of yourself mainly..). What I suggest is that you save that fantasy, keep it in your head instead, and don't ever try to make it real again. In your head it's going to stay perfect, ideal, and it won't be destroyed. It's healthy to fantasize... Just keep fantasy and reality separate!
thats great advice actually i never thought about what shes doing now and how that really doesnt fit what i put in my head as her, who she is and who i want to be with. i dont want to be with someone who is so easily tempted from their partner, i hate to give people ultumatiums but im thinking about maybe just saying be with me or him ? i am prepared for both outcomes but i dont know if thats the best choice
I don't think there's a best choice to be had... If you give her an ultimatum, she will ultimately have you feel disappointed because she's not who you wish she was. Though maybe being disappointed is the only way for you to get rid of a fantasy of her... and that it'll help you move on.
