Please do read it......... I know its a little long ........... Sorry any incorrect grammar i am writing from my smart phone. I met this guy 3 months ago we are both crazy about each other. We can't stay a day without talking or seeing each others. The thing is for a while our feelings have been written in fb and twitter in the person 3rd person writing. We listen to love songs together and we cant take our eyes of each others. We both express we mean a lot to each others. But here is the problem. He has a wife who he married because she got pregnant and has no feeling for. He has a girlfriend who he keeps on down low with me. He doesn't talks about women with me. But i know he frequently has sex with women he meets on fb. Its easy for him because he is too sexy and handsome that women chuck themselves on him. He hasn't said i love you or i have feeling for you. I haven't either, but some attempts to get a bit sexual didn't work he gets scared or backs off. He regularly tells i look beautiful or hot. And asks how he looks i've said sexy,hot, beautiful and good looking. His two closest friends look a bit gay or effeminate. Even a trip to the beach he was laugh with some gay men but i don't think he noticed they were gay. He was raised by his mum and she got married quite a lot, i found out quite early and i searched the effect it has on people. So i knew how to act with him basically i understood him to well. The thing is he is not much of a talker and he is always nervous around me. I fought with him a lot. With him always asking me talk him again. He would never ask why i got mad ignored him for days we talk again like nothing happened. Its because people around him tell me is depressed lately or sad that i go back talking to him because it hurts to know someone is sad because they miss me. But he is hot and cold, he changes quick from being crazy about me to acting strange like he doesn't like me. We go out a lot but its always to the internet cafe or somewhere public not enough alone except if i am at his shop but still not alone enough. last night was the longest time he stayed over, didn't talk much but just look at each others and smile a little. I noticed when ever i am not looking he keeps peeking at me ever couple of sec or so. He even told Me he missed me even though i saw the day before couple of times but didn't talk to him. He gave his, phone, fb,twitter and email passwords. He trusted with that. Its been 3 months, he doesn't want much alone time, he has nothing gay on his phone or fb except his email that had some gay website msg which he doesn't know why its there.... he was lying i think. I don't know how move foward with him. He is too closed. He is either scared of saying he likes me or he is just effeminate. Plus he acts mucho around other people. He has said i was more then just a friend when i was mad with him and he has one time said.i was his bestfriend. ...... Any thoughts please.
It sounds like a potentially dangerous situation. There is a lot more wrong with this relationship then right. He is married. Does his wife know that he is seeing other women? You? He has a baby at home and that is a huge responsibility. I can't believe he gave you passwords to all of his accounts. I'm not sure exactly what that says about him, or what he is trying to accomplish by it. I think you need to think long and hard about why you should stay in this relationship. You are young and I'm sure you can find a lot less complicated relationships to be in. Maybe you should move on!
From what you've given there is a strong possibility that he may have feelings for you (meaning he's definitely not straight) but he hasn't told you so you can't know for sure. He may be straight after all. But my advice is to run, run far away. Too many people are involved and too many people have a chance of getting seriously hurt. These kinds of situations often turn out very badly.
Well, I have a lot of straight friends. It can be confusing to build a bond with them. A lot of them just don't have close friends, especially after they get married and have a child. So they can just be really excited to have someone around who likes to be with them. Definitely when they never really had close friends like that, they really do go a little crazy to be around other men. A guy that's comfortable with his sexuality should be able to tell another man when he looks good. With that being said, not that he looks hot or whatever, that's a little...different. The only thing that jumped out to me is that he's unfaithful to his wife. And you're seemingly ok with that, especially if it means he becomes unfaithful with her by messing around with you. You need to ask yourself if that's the kind of guy you want to impress or be with. I know I wouldn't. I don't care how good you look either, cheating is cheating. And if he does it to her, he'll do it to you. I don't know what you're thinking you guys have together, but it's nothing..trust me. Even if he did want to have sex with you or be with you, could you really trust this guy?? So yeah, protect your heart before anything else dude.
Jim you are right about this. His wife knows about him seeing other women. I Try to keep my distance with him. When ever i try to cut connections he would even try harder to get my attention. The thing is i am tired of him this isn't fun and i don't want it anymore. The hard bit is how emotions are over powering me. I think i hoped it would be a small fling. This was my first feeling of love and it got to deep. I am bound to leave to another city by end of the year.
I think it would be the best for both of you. I just wonder if he is seeing, in you, what he would have loved to have seen in himself. Just a thought. He is in a very complicated situation, one that is not going to end without a lot of pain. You don't need to be part of that. As I said before, you are young and have a lot of time to find that perfect guy, one that doesn't come with a lot of baggage. That being said....it's never easy to end a relationship, especially when you've fallen for him.
I totally agree Pat. I put my heart out there and i did a lot of things i didn't like. I won't regret its part of life. Yeah he could be like you said a straight guy overly excited. The things is i am new to the city i live in and leaving soon. I don't know much people here. To be honest he gets jealous about me hanging out with anyone else especially men. He doesn't say it but he asks alot where we went what we did, u know. He owns a store quite close to the one i manage, it makes it hard to avoid him even writing this he sitting near me, he came over uninvited. I noticed he has a lot friends but not close ones. How do i distance myself with hurting myself because i have to much feelings for.him right now.
Well man, I'm actually going through something similar without the sexual side. My straight best friend has become pretty clingy with me since i've told him I was gay. He went from not saying much to saying a whole lot over the phone or through text. It's exciting to them to have a close bond. You're very much so involved emotionally in these peculiar friendships. Over time, they calm down. I hope he calms down LOL. And yeah, tim gets very jealous if I blow him off to hang with another guy. He hates it. He also rushes me often and wants to do things, so yeah, it's a routine at times. I love him though, he's like my little bro and I definitely like spending time with him but it does have similarities to a relationship at times lol. I think you have to be up front with your emotions. Just tell him that you're leaving soon and that you're gay, if you haven't told him that. He may be curious, but I've been where you're considering going and it always ends up in turmoil and you end up losing a good friend by trying to inspire that curiosity by coming on to them. Even if you get what you want, you still lose when you hook up with a friend. Just let him know that you enjoy spending time with him, you're gay and that he's confusing you with his actions. Lol..this is what communicating is. You would think that you've been communicating with one another but you really haven't. Communicating is being able to tell him what's on your mind at that given time. I mean, just spark a convo. "how do you feel about me?" tell him how you feel about him. Just talk to him like you're talking to us.
Your story rings bell with me too. He is clingy and very emotionally expressive with me. I have told him early on that i will be leaving in couple of months. When ever it comes up he bring that he would call me and things. But i don't encourage it, i joking say i will delete your number. It doesn't get awkward though. Telling him about my sexuality isn't good idea. He wrote personal thing the FBother day. Which scares me what he might write, besides he knows my non-immediate family to well and i am not out yet. A closure would be good though so i don't think about the what if's but i don't know how i can tell him without major consequences.... ---------- Post added 22nd Oct 2012 at 11:14 AM ---------- Jim your right its not easy to end it. All the attempts to disconnect him made it worse with both of missing each others to much. He has a lot of baggage and since i met him i changed. I lost my desire for flirting and having fun. ---------- Post added 22nd Oct 2012 at 11:19 AM ---------- To be honest i lost my desire for relationship when i found out two girls and three guys that i thought were friends turned out actually wanted to be more then friends. Two of them even made sexual advances. It sicken me to think they saw me as sex toy. I use to be promiscuous but i stopped that because it wasn't a good life. It brings a lot of stress and you lose your time on it. But i.have the feeling i jumped from obsessive behavior of promiscuous to obsessive thoughts on a relationship.... just a thought.......
