Ok, So I've come to a point in my life where I am still not quite sure of my sexuality (although all signs point to gay), but I at least have PERSONALLY accepted myself. (!) Anyways, I live in a generally conservative community and am almost completely in the closet, I discussed it with my mother once and the results were not great but she ultimately said, among less postive things, that at the end of the day she would always love me. My absolute MAJOR problem with my sexuality, and in life in general, is that my friends won't accept me. I've told ONE of my girl friends that I was bi leaning towards gay, and she had once been with a girl so it was really easy. She was my best friend but we have significantly grown apart. My absolute best friend (who I have been best friends with since Grade 1) is a guy. He is a really sporty guy, and sort of like a "frat bro" or something like that. I have a fairly feminine personality, although we've always been close throughout the years. I already have a dream to move away to New York City to start anew, which my parents support due to my dream career, and I will leave most of the people behind. However, I of course want to keep in contact with my best friends. But I am so worried about coming out to them, what they will say, how they will react, when I should do it, etc. I've figured it's best not to come out to them until I am 100% sure of my sexuality myself, but everyday situations give me constant anxiety. For example, me and that best friend went on a college visit recently. We had a great time and stayed among a frat. I had a blast and he had a blast, but I probably would not be accepted in that community if I was "out", which is ridiculous but it is in fact the society, or part of it, that we live in. In short, anytime I my best friend asks me about a girl I like, hooking up, or even talking about staying friends in the future, I feel a pit in my stomach because I want to be friends with him forever but I wonder if my secret will tear us apart. Sorry for the long post, but this is the BIGGEST issues of my life, currently. I would just like to add that my mind is NEVER at peace. Constant worries about being abandoned by my friends because of my "secret" are always running through my mind. I've accepted the fact that I will lose many acquaintances, but it is my best friends that I am worried about. Thank you in advance. :bang:
Remember that if they were your best friends before, there is a strong possibility they still will be after you come out. I recently told my best friend of 39 yrs that I am gay, and he said "it doesn't matter who I sleep with, he will always be my wing man". So if you guys have been friends for a long time then the chances are great that you still will be. Besides being comfortable with who you are helps a lot with being a good friend
Hey, Welcome to EC . Accepting yourself is a good start. You sound a lot like me, the main reason I won't come out is because I am afraid that my friends will no longer be friends with me. It's horrible when friends talk about girls, a topic they see as "normal", because you have to just lie and say "yeah she's hot." The best advice I can give you at the moment is that coming out is something you will do in your own time. You know who you are and there's no need in making yourself feel ill with worry. You can't help who you are, it's just the way you were born. This site is really helpful as there are lots of people in a similar situation to you. Have a read of some stories and share some more of yours. You aren't alone, there are many of us just like you . I'm hardly in a position to give the best advice about coming out as I still haven't managed to do it myself yet. But I'm sure others will be able to give you good advice. Hope this has helped, and just remember, being gay doesn't define you, it's just a part of who you are. There is no rush to come out if you don't feel ready yet.
I'd like to respond to you both. As for the first response, I'm very happy your situation played out that way. It is possible, and possibly even probably, that the reaction of my friend may be similar. But there are such a wide array of responses, some negative, some positive that could occur that it worries me as to what my individual best friend will have to say. They always say to prepare for a negative reaction, which I would do, but if a negative response was actually received it would be devastating. As for the second response, I thank you for your clarity. You made me feel much less alone, and I'm glad you reminded me that I should be in no rush. Thank you both for your advice so far! Best of luck to you both (&&&)
I am a pretty impulsive and rash person and I can't deal with worrying about ambiguity for too long. So if it were me, I would just come out to him and find out his reaction that way. I know it seems risky and there's a chance of getting hurt. But I'd rather do it fast, like pulling a bandaid off in one go. If it's going to hurt it's going to hurt whether you drive yourself crazy worrying about it or not. And if it does go well, all that anxiety is done with. Either way I would rather have it over with. You should do what feels right to you and take it at your own pace. But I thought maybe you could think about this strategy, too.
That's a "strategy" that I'd definitely consider, but I don't FEEL as though I'll be ready to come out anytime soon. I mean I'd LIKE to get it over with, but I just don't feel good about doing it yet, although, like I said, I'd like to have it done :bang: :dry:
