I have been crushing on my best friend and current room mate for years now, and over the past several months it has gotten much much worse. What makes me so confused is that he does things that I feel like a normal straight guy wouldn't do, but I just don't know. I wish he would just be obviously straight so I wouldn't have any hope to cling to. For example, a few days ago we were in our room (our other room mate was also in the apartment) and he came up to me and said "we should pretend to make out when Bob walks by to play a joke on him." He is also really into competitive sports like football and basketball, and knows pretty much everything about them (players, etc.) and is decent at playing them. So that points away from him being gay (stereotypically at least). Another time, we were sitting watching TV with some other friends, and my foot was blocking his path to leave the room. Instead of just moving it, he gently brushed his hand across my arm in a sensual way. I asked "Haha why did you do that?" And he said he was trying to get me to move. I am just really confused, and I don't know what to do. I am constantly going through a roller coaster of emotions, with good days and bad days, and incredibly depressed days where I just want to lay in bed and wish life was different. What can I do? I don't want to lose my best friend, but at the same time I have feelings for him that run much deeper than that. I feel that there is no way for me to be happy.
Well, from just what you have told us there isnt anything completely obvious to point that he is gay, however, I will assuming that there was more to it. Either way, I would say that the first thing you have to do is come out to him. You cant expect him to show himself to you if you havent shown yourself to him. Other than that you can just try to push the envelope a little bit more. But honestly it might not give very useful result. I know this is probably advice that you were expecting, but it is really impossible to know how he feels unless he says it. I would come out to him at least, and take it from there.
I agree with Gen. There really isn't much you can do in order to know how he feels unless you make yourself vulnerable and available by coming out to him. I know that is some of the scariest advice, but there really isn't much outside of that in order to get anywhere with the situation. If it is too much at this time, then again like Gen said, try being a bit more touchy and flirty. If he tries to engage something that is a bit "gay," go with it and see what happens. And for the record you should have went for that "pretend make out" he suggested! With all that was said, however, it doesn't really sound like there is much evidence that he's gay or bisexual at this point.
Do you have a lot of male friends? Just wondering because they do have characteristics that you wouldn't necessarily tie to masculinity. It doesn't mean they're gay. I guess because i'm older now I don't understand the importance of wanting to be in a relationship that's unhealthy. Don't expect him to be honest with you if you're not honest with him, that's the key thing. Your feelings are incredibly biased because there's desire involved. If we were to assess how you interact with your friend, we would likely draw a different conclusion. I've been where you are, it's tough, but you have to start looking for healthy relationships and friendships. You can't really be justifiably concerned with his sexuality if you're not up front with your own. If you do talk to him and have a solid bond, try to tell him you're gay. I wouldn't recommend telling him you're interested in him, but try at least telling him who you are, because right now he has no idea.
