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bit long but please help, really hurt

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by randomflag, Oct 23, 2012.

  1. randomflag

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    My friend confessed while very drunk that she had feelings for me. In the morning she couldn’t remember what she said but for months she kept on flirting and flattering me in everyway possible. When I had a problem, she was the first one to call and sort out my issues. She used to always comment on my clothes and that she loved aspects of my personality, she told me that she liked me better than everyone else in our group of friends and kissed me on the cheek. All this flattery was amazing and I felt myself calling her all the time. I began to get really attached and she slowly started changing her behaviour, she’d call and cry that bad things had happened to her in the past (she had to have an abortion and something happened in her family that she didn’t want to talk about). Something did not fit quite right with what she was saying, such as, she said she had an abortion 2 weeks ago from when I was with her and I knew that was physically impossible, because I was with her on that day. When I questioned her, she quickly said that she meant 2 years ago not 2 weeks. I explained to her that I was going abroad to live in a year and she started crying saying, please stay we love you too much.

    I quickly became attached (she played on my feelings) and found myself falling for her even though I’m engaged. I didn’t realise I was bisexual until this woman so I carried on exploring (to my detriment). If it was a man I would have stopped but I didn’t know that I could feel this way with a woman so I carried on.

    At a party, we got drunk and I started talking about going away, I explained to her that I was going abroad to live in a year and she started crying saying, please stay we love you too much. Something didn’t sit right with the tears (especially after the previous nights out so I challenged her and said, please, we all know that you’re acting stop crying (I was drunk). She turned really angry and asked if I had a problem with her. Partly because I wanted to apologise and partly because I had feelings for her, I kissed her. She just sat there and didn’t kiss back. I asked her whether she fancied me and she denied all the flirting and said not in that way.

    The morning after she was very angry and snapped at all my friends. I called her up to chat and I apologised for questioning her integrity. She said everything was fine and I thought that was it. I also told her that I was distraught thinking that I was going to loose my fiancé and friends in one day. She laughed loudly. She didn’t speak to me for a month and a half (silent treatment). In the end my friend intervened and told me that she was very distraught and angry and that they’d been chatting and it had never happened to her before and that I should get in touch. I thought Ill just get it over and done with and chat to her. My other friend had also spoken to her and said, look if you have feelings, just tell her. She got really angry with my friend over the phone, shouting that she was 100% straight and that nobody understood her. Expecting her to be really angry I got there and she was smiling from cheek to cheek. I asked her what was wrong and she said she didn’t want to call me because she didn’t want me thinking she was flirting with me (she said it with a grin on her face).

    Anyway, she called me the other day to hang out and everything was fine (but I don’t trust her one bit). This weekend I find out that they’ve all planned an outing without me. It hurts so much to think that she was the one that started it and wouldn’t even admit to my friends that she had been really flirting (winking, telling me that she wanted to have sex with me and telling me she had deep feelings for me and that I was very special).

    What do I do? I haven’t done anything wrong and I don’t want to give her the satisfaction of knowing she has made me sad, I think she thrives on it (especially when I told her about being distraught after I kissed her).

    Anyone have an idea on why she’s behaving like this?
     
  2. PinkTractor

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    Yes, I have an idea. She sounds like she has narcissistic personality disorder, or some other form of mental illness that drives her to play seriously twisted mind-games with people with no thought for the consequences of her actions, and no remorse for the harm she does to others. While mental illness is not a choice, her actions are hers to control, and clearly she sees no need to even try to rein herself in.
    Get away from her, stay away from her, cut off all contact with her directly--no calls, no texts, no emails, no hanging out. Nothing. View her as you would a toxic virus--dangerous, unhealthy, and potentially deadly to you. If group gatherings force you to be in the same physical space as she is, stay on the other side of the room, give her no chance to infect you again.
    I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but there it is. You have done nothing wrong. I'm sorry that it hurts, because it feels as though you have lost a dear friend. Take my word for it, she was never truly your friend, she never had the kind of love, compassion, and empathy for you that you felt for her.
    Life lessons suck. Some people are toxic. She is one.
     
  3. The Queen Bee

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    I gotta say... I agree with PinkTractor.
    That woman is toxic... and she likes the idea to put you down.
    She's like the plague.

    I honestly think if a friend is a friend... REAL, TRUE friend, they'll accept you no matter what. And definitely won't try to put you down.
    If she were really your friend, she'd be OK with you having a crush on her (assuming she's straight... which your friend is NOT) despite the fact that she cannot be reciprocate towards those feelings. And, she'd tell you easily... NOT grining and mocking you.

    She's toxic, hon... T-O-X-I-C.
    She's not a friend... She's just a waste of space (sorry, but that's what I think about toxic people).
     
  4. pinklov3ly

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    Yes, she doesn't even deserve your friendship, you seem like an awesome person and you can do so much better. It seems to me like, she likes the attention/sympathy from people. I know plenty of women like that and they can be quite scary. They can be extreme with their emotions and intense as well. She may very well have a mental disorder because her behavior is so sporadic and unexplainable. Stay away from her, she's not making you feel any better. They say misery loves company, so I don't know, but maybe she's envious of you. You are getting married, some women are very competitive against their friends and so they don't want them to beat them to do anything first. I know it sounds crazy, but just stir clear of her.

    She could very well be in denial about her feelings, but it'll be only up to her if she is bisexual/gay to come out. I surely wouldn't wait for her, she's not worth it; plus, she has some underlying issues going on.