So I keep getting this nervous feeling every so often and it's starting to happen more frequently. I think my mind is trying to make me come out to others. I want to make sure if I do this that it will be to the right people. If I come out to someone and have a bad reaction, I feel like I will be devastated! I strongly feel that I am a woman inside though and she is begging to come out. I want to just let it all out and become the woman I am inside but I am too afraid of the criticism. Writing in here has definitely helped me cope with this Dilema, however, I feel like it is starting to eat at me some more. Has this ever happened to anyone else on here?
I've actually been feeling that same urge to get this out and completely into the open as of late. It's been intense enough that I'm pretty sure I'm going to accidentally out myself and its a little nerve racking. Case in point: I all but outed myself at work last night. This girl started talking about the differences between men and women and of course I couldn't help but get involved. I always have to get involved... Anyway, she started talking about how men don't get this, or how they don't get that... Basically differences in the way the genders communicate. I turned it into a bit of a debate, saying I do get this and that. That should have been it, all well and good. If anything, the five or six others would have maybe thought I was just more perceptive. That's when my mouth ran away from me and for some reason I blurted out that, and I quote, "I don't really fall into the conventional gender norms." At the very least I drew attention to something that I've done everything I could to hide. I said that. I stopped immediately and just kind of made a couple of comments to get the debate going again so that nobody had time to think about it, but it came out of nowhere. I certainly hadn't planned on saying anything like that. This has been really close to the surface for me lately though, and like I said, there's definitely a part of me that just wants this out, to hell with the consequences so that I can be the person I'm supposed to be. I'm also finding that, although I'm afraid of criticism as well, I become less and less so the more I let the woman inside have control of my mind and actions.
That's exactly how I feel. Like its going to slip out or I might forget to cover my tracks when I dress up and all. It's definitely nerve racking.
... exactly .... ---------- Post added 23rd Oct 2012 at 09:16 PM ---------- well took me over 8 months trying to work myself up to start to tell people worked everything out in my head but just made me more nervous you can guess haw people will react, but you really dont know luckily for me, everyone i told has been supportive, both friends and family (though they are the ones i expected to be more supportive, ill let you know how the people im not so sure about will react, when i actually do if you want) its a big secret and it eats at you, its relieving to tell people, but then people know your secret that you kept hidden for years, so it gets awkward and at least for me nervous about it, it eventually goes away as you get more conformable, but there are always more people to tell ... kind of gets overwhelming though it is totally worth it to actually feel free and yourself and nothing is holding you back, even if only in front of certain people and only part of the time hope this helps and talk to me more to figure things out if you want, it helps me just as much as you ^w^
