It's been eight months since I started questioning my sexuality, and it's only been recently that I've decided to come out to myself and accept that I am in fact one very gay lady. I've told two of my friends, one close and one not so close but bisexual. It would seem that I might think about coming out soon and getting it over with. However, one of the biggest things that is keeping me paying my rent on my Narnia summer house is the general homophobia of my classmates and sometimes even casually from my friends. Being still in senior school (a freshman in American terms, and a Year 10 in England), comments such as 'You're such a fag' 'No homo' 'You're so gay' 'Dick muncher' and 'Lesbo' are rife, as well as others. Pretty much all of these are aimed towards gay guys, and despite being a girl, I am terrified that if any of them found out about me they would turn on me and start bullying me. I have never been particularly popular at school, and have managed to keep out of the way of the populars, but the last person to come out at my school was my friend, who is a bit more weird than me in general. People reacted in different ways-most people tactfully pretended it didn't happen, whilst others made comments behind her back. One individual sent her emails of conversion therapy sites, and told her it was unnatural and she should stop. Now she has dropped even further in social standing, and the homophobia continues. Although I have always given off the IDGAF attitude at school, whilst managing to keep to social norms, I am painfully self-conscious and could not bear the thought of being ostracized or actively persecuted. I know a lot of other LGBT people get much worse from their peers, and I feel cowardly for not having the guts to stand up to people and say 'Stop talking crap about the gays, 'cause I'm one of them.' I was wondering if anyone had any tips to help me man up and stop caring so much about stuff like this.
One thing you must ask yourself is: do you even like these people around you? And does their opinion really matter to you? Will it matter in a few years time? Or when you leave school? Who do you really want approval from and who do you really want to be accepted by? I'm sorry if this just seems like answering a question with a question but this is my philosophy for life. I find once I can answer these questions what to do next becomes clearer and I feel better about it. And also remember, there is no pressure to come out, make sure that you are happy and that it is the right time for you.
Hey, I can't answer all of your questions, but a few things from my experiences. I got to a point at school where I just didn't care anymore. I was closeted at home and was tired of self censoring. I knew who my friends were. I adopted the theory that if I cared for someone and they cared for me, then what they thought mattered, otherwise why did their opinion count. I won't lie and say that was easy to do. It was hard to walk into our packed common room and realize that I was the topic of conversation. But it was harder to hide, to censor my pronouns etc. With coming out in school (or a workplace etc.) I think you have to accept that people probably will make comments behind your back (not necessarily bad ones) and you probably will be the topic of gossip at least for a little while until something more interesting crops up. That said there is a difference when it becomes name calling/bullying/intimidation Are your friends supportive? Will they be there to stick by your side?
I just think of how stupid the person is and if I really need to I ask them to stop because they don't know who they could be hurting. I also think that it is usually poorly educated people who use terms like that because they don't know how to express what they feel with an actual word.
