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Ex deleted me from FB because I told him "I will wait for him no matter what"

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by lostinthought, Oct 23, 2012.

  1. lostinthought

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    My 1-week NC was going smoothly until today when I broke down and inspite of being advised NOT to contact him, I sacrificed my self-esteem and messaged him "YOU MEAN THE WORLD TO ME AND I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU.. I KNOW I MAY HAVE SAID SOME THINGS THAT HURT YOU AND I'M TRULY SORRY FOR IT.. YOU MEAN MUCH MORE TO ME THAN YOU THINK YOU DO.. I KNOW YOU MAY BE HAPPIER WITH OTHER PPL NOW BUT I WANT YOU TO GIVE THIS ONE MORE THOUGHT.. I WILL RESPECT YOUR DECISION.. JUST REMEMBER YOU'RE EVERYTHING TO ME AND I WOULDN'T EVER LEAVE YOU NO MATTER WHAT.. TAKE YOUR TIME.."

    He asked me to call him and sounded pretty cool and was telling me that he was missing me a lot but admitted he wouldn't call cuz of his ego and told me nicely how we should just be friends and only friends and what I'm feeling is only because he's the first guy I dated and it's the loneliness, not love, cuz we were not at all compatible. I asked him if he liked someone else now, to which he said I don't want to tell you right now because you will not take it in the right sense. So I told him I knew he did. So he tells me yes but it's independent of the fact that the two of us were not compatible. He said that it wasn't completely my mistake, its just that we had no similar hobbies nor could I handle him when he would have an emotional outburst, etc. I tried so hard to make him understand I will change, he's like 'dont make me feel like God asking for another chance and stuff, just try and understand it wasn't working and you're just feeling like this cuz you're lonely and emotional, think logically'.. I told him he doesn't understand my pain at all. After a while, we started having an argument over some other issue again and he told me that that is precisely why we can never be lovers, cuz i'm too stubborn and I never compromise, etc. etc. I was in tears because he completely misunderstood what I was trying to say (as usual) and was on the contrary, apologizing when infact he's the really stubborn and angry one who doesn't understand me and starts shouting at me for every little thing that upsets him like here. I still sacrificed all my ego/self-esteem and asked him for one last chance and he said no, im sorry. And asked me if I wanted to be friends, multiple times. Everytime he asked that, I would say "you're more than a friend to me"... ultimately he got pissed off and banged the phone down.

    Later, I messaged him that I HAVE FAITH AND I WILL WAIT FOR YOU, YOU ARE EVERYTHING TO ME. He messaged me YOU'RE JUST WASTING YOUR TIME, I LIKE SOMEONE ELSE, BYE...I repeated I WILL WAIT. He apparently got mad and called me up saying not to mess up his mind by saying things like that and that he will NEVER love me and if I behave this way, he will delete me from everywhere. I insisted that I will wait for him and hung up. Later, I see that he's deleted me from FB. Now, I am clueless on what's going to happen. It feels terrible that I care so much for him and he behaved this way. I could never be so cruel/heartless to anyone.

    Did he delete me cuz he's feeling guilty to make me wait and wants me to get over him? Or is he just being mean? I'm confused now that maybe I shouldn't have contacted him. But I just wanted to give myself that one last chance before he got too serious with the new guy. Because once he did that, he'd be gone forever.

    I'm so mind-f*d right now.. Ofcourse, I'm not going to contact him now but I somehow want him to contact me.. I think telling him I WILL WAIT is going to make him go crazy and he will keep thinking of me.. what do you guys think? I know I should not be thinking this way but I can never forgive what he's done... But I still care/love him deeply..
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Here's our story from the start, if interested:

    Nov 2011: He is the first guy I meet online, and we become great friends and start chatting everyday..
    Feb 2012: I meet him for the first time in person, then we start meeting every week..
    June 2012: We confess our liking for each other.. and start meeting every 2-3 days after work...

    June to August 2012: We start fighting a lot (almost every time we meet) over the pettiest of things, like if I'm watching my daily soaps when I go to his place, he feels ignored cuz he hates them...We have no common hobbies... I tell him he's selfish when he keeps refusing to go to the places or movies I want to because he feels they're not "good" although I always do the things he likes without a word because I like him so much.. he getting super-pissed off when I ask him to control his temper, etc and not get so angry at small things I say.. me getting pissed off when he tells me I'm too mothered or unknowingly puts me down because I don't have a job etc.. Finally we have a huge fight where I ask him not to care for me if he can't respect me.. he storms off saying he left so many better ppl because of me and regrets his decision for choosing someone like me who asked him to f'** off from his life and that kind of drama (when it's actually him who has all the temper/controlling issues).. 7 days later, I call him to say let's just be friends because I can't stop talking to anyone like that (he told me later that he took offence to that statement because I generalized him).. he agreed to be friends if I don't give him a hard time because he'd been losing his hair because of me, etc. etc... I said, yeah, let's be friends..

    Sept 2012: We started meeting as "friends" again and all the good times were back.. emotions and words in control.. But what happened now is I started liking him again and felt that things weren't as bad and could be sorted by mutual understanding but I didn't tell him that just yet (I'm very optimistic in life, although I know his issues were too strong for me to deal with)... However, I later learnt that he had already started dating some old friend of his (whom he liked but couldn't date because the person had gone abroad for studies)... I was mentally disturbed and frustrated.. I asked him to let me go away so I can heal from this.. He explained to me how he was far happier now and could never love/be attracted to me anymore after what I said but he wanted us to be BEST friends.. I said that's not possible.. he was upset first but later, he sent me a message.. "YOUR FRIENDSHIP MEANS THE WORLD TO ME AND I WILL WAIT, TAKE YOUR SPACE"
    (I was not really happy about that because somewhere inside, I wanted him to come back)... so the NC started..
     
  2. Lance

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    I think he honestly deleted you because you were being a bit clingy and "crazy." Obviously he's moved on and is not interested anymore in anything other than being friends since your relationship didn't work out. But you keep trying to hold onto something that isn't there and he just got tired of it so he cut ties altogether. I don't mean any of that in a harsh way, it's just what I think is going on.
     
  3. Chip

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    I agree with Lance. I'd be really creeped out if someone did that to me, because it would be clear that their boundaries weren't very good.

    So when you have someone who has sloppy boundaries, the only solution is to set really solid ones. In this case, deleting and blocking you.

    Take the hint. Let him go. Move on. And you might also take the opportunity to consider having a couple sessions with a therapist to explore your feelings and behaviors and see if there are some issues you need to work on.
     
  4. spirithawk

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    Basically... yeah, time to move on and let things go.

    He's not interested, and he's told you, multiple times, but you keep insisting on more. He got upset, probably because he's getting frustrated with repeating himself.

    The first breakup is probably the hardest to get over.
     
  5. lostinthought

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    I am realizing now that it may have gone against me but it went that way for good. Because, if he didn't delete me from his FB, ALL and trust me ALL my actions there would be dependant on what he would think. As in, I was planning a trip to Egypt so I could put up the pics on FB and show him I moved on.

    NOW, I will be doing the things I ACTUALLY WANT without being influenced by his presence.

    Secondly, I just had a dream in which I found the solution to how I'm feeling. Prayers. It actually wasn't meant to be because he's definitely not the right person for me.

    Him not deleting me would always keep on my toes again, whereas NOW I am going to actually start healing myself with the prayers and not an iota of his presence around. Infact, I don't even feel NEGATIVE towards him anymore as soon as I pray.

    So although telling him stuff like "I'll wait" may have been wrong and sounded clingy, him deleting me from FB is the best thing that could happen, now that I look at it. Do you guys agree?
     
  6. Mirko

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    Hi there! For your ability to move on and to leave it behind you for good, it was probably the best. In some ways, him deleting you from his fb friends list, he helped you to start moving on.

    Concentrate on yourself! It sounds like you are on your way. :slight_smile:
     
  7. lostinthought

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    Absolutely! He's done something I could never do (deleting him).. However, it hurts my ego a lil bit so I feel negative towards him and I don't know how to deal with that..
     
  8. Mirko

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    Hi there! Having that feeling of being hurt will linger around for a little while.

    There will be times and days where you will feel good to great, while on others something will trigger a thought o memory that will again make you have some negative thoughts/feelings towards him. That is part of moving on.

    In an earlier post you mentioned wanting to heal yourself. You will do so by continuing to live your life, and do the things that you enjoy pursuing. With every day that passes you gain more distance, and eventually you won't have these negative thoughts/feelings towards him and won't think about him anymore. (*hug*)
     
  9. Chip

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    Agreed. Not much more to say here. Just work on your own issues, since it's clear you're holding onto this way longer than he has.

    Just start doing new things, finding new friends, and continuing on with life... and the feelings will eventually pass.
     
  10. lostinthought

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    Great, thanks... I keep evaluating in my mind things like:

    -what I should have said, what I shouldnt have said
    -if this went wrong or that went wrong
    -whether I am feeling good or bad
    -should I hate him or like him

    blah blah blah... constantly!

    Thanks for all the help folks!