Okay so my name is Kass and I am a fourteen year old girl and this is my first time here Heres the problem….Ive kinda been depressed since high school started….I don't really have that many friends…. and they all use me for my smarts anyway. So i became depressed. And during my depression i started thinking about my love life. Ive never had a real boyfriend or kiss! It makes me feel left out. Ive had guy crushes before only 2 or 3 major ones though. Lately, my attraction for guys is practically zero. I love to hang around guys, I'm athletic and i just get along with them more easily ya know? And whenever they want to get close to me…physically wise….I always back out and feel incredibly uncomfortable….idk why!!! Its so annoying… i went on a date last saturday (my first) and i felt so awkward and the guys as good looking and everything and it was horrible i had no attraction for him whats so ever. Now girls, i think since I have been obsessed with thinking Im gay I've been looking t girls and thinking there attractive…and theres this girl in my Spanish class who I don't know what i feel about her. She's always smiling at me and i feel uncomfortable.. but yet she interests me. idk. I can actually see myself in a relationship with a girl! I feel like i would be more comfortable…..but I don't know why. I don't dream about any girl or go out to impress girls. Its weird. I told my mom all of this since she's the only person i got and she told me if I was gay she was 100% supportive and all she and my father wants is for me to be happy. They wouldn't care if I was gay at all. Lastly, (sorry this is so long) :eusa_doh: Im not homophobic at ALL, i have a best friend who's gay and i admire them! But i don't want to be a lesbian myself, I want to be in a relationship with a guy who i feel comfortable with and that i fall head over heels with, and someone to protect me and go on vacations with and have a family. But yet i have no attraction for any guy I see. All my friends are hooking up and i find that so awkward! So can you guys please help me? When did you first know if you were gay or not? Thanks!!!
Hi Kass! I just wanted to tell you I think you are so brave for being honest with yourself so far! and with your parents! I completely understand that you are probably pretty confused, and trust me I've been there! I have found myself turned on and excited by girls, but ever dated one, and only dated guys my whole life. I think it's possible that you just haven't found the right guy yet, sometimes it's about more than looks and you just want something deeper. It's also possible you like girls and guys, but if you really take the time to think about things you'll be able to sort through all of your emotions. Just don't be afraid to come to the realization that you might be a lesbian or you could end up not accepting it until much later in life and it could be much more painful. You've been so brave already! Don't give up now!
Thanks for the reply Yeah it was tough telling my mom, but i tell her everything and she was kind of like " So what if your gay, just be happy!" And I was happy knowing that if i do turn out to be gay or lesbian i would have my parents full support IM just SO CONFUSED. Its so hard for me to go out with a group of girls and not think about it! IM always asking if she came up and kissed me would i enjoy it or not..? And its been putting a huge damper on me Im more afraid if i come out i would lose all my friends….there kinda the people who say they won't judge you but will behind your back. Plus, i don't even know if i am gay!! Ive never had a relationship with a guy or girl… i just feel more comfortable around girls. Less skiddish. I feel so dirty and naughty around guys….i would feel guilty it I did anything with them. But i truly want a loving husband and a best friend who i can marry…. and someone to protect me. Again thanks so much!! Its easier to talk to someone who has some experience or knowledge
I would say take it slow and who you like is who you like in the end you can have preferences, but everyone is on the scale of gay to straight (well maybe not asexuals, but that is something else) and with the kissing thing, you don't know until you do I only kissed girls until last year, but one of my friends kissed me, in order to get a girl to kiss me the end result was the fact that i was thinking about the kiss from my friend more than the kiss from the girl, and also later someone recalled that day and i completely forgot about the girl XD I'm still attracted to girls, though more just the fact that girls are pretty and hot but guys are who i want to date and be with forever (though Ive never dated anyone) now I'm the opposite, I'm more comfortable around guys, and awkward around girls ... you have to figure it out yourself we can try to help and talk to you about our experiences and what we think but what maters is what you think and your own experiences good luck figuring things out ^w^
Valerie - thanks so much for the response And I'm more comfortable around guys just hanging around as friends, i can be totally normal/myself. With girls, i usually hang with the more "popular" girls and i feel like they judge so much and whatever. But physically and romantically i feel completely awkward around guys…i try to avoid them as much as possible and i don't get it. STORY OF MY WORLD RIGHT NOW. I really want to live forever and get married with a guy….girls just seem more relationship type right now…..like i wouldn't mind kissing them or hugging them….guys i just can't.
me ... I'm more comfortable around guys just hanging around as friends, i can be totally normal/myself (mostly). With girls, i don't have any friends who are girls, just ones i know through my friends. physically and romantically i feel completely awkward around girls…i try to be friends with them and hit on them (though don't really want to, stupid being born a guy >.>) at the same time. ... kind of feel like that talking to you right now ... i know weird -.- STORY OF MY WORLD RIGHT NOW. I really want to live forever and get married with a guy … girls just seem more relationship type right now…..like i wouldn't mind kissing them or hugging them ... guys i can but not to the extent of girls. so similar and different, I'm also confused and in the middle just used yours as a template since i saw similarities with me ^.^
I struggled with this for the longest time. For me personally, I was trying to like guys because it's easier and more acceptable in most circles, including my family. You may genuinely like guys and guess what? That's fine and it's also ok if you like girls. Being fourteen is hard enough without all the added pressure of needing a label for your sexuality. Have fun, like who you like, and don't worry too much about who is dating who. I know it seems like you are the only single one around but you aren't and that doesn't make you less important or something. P.S. Now that the mini rant is done, if you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to hit me up.
I think you should most definitely slow down, you're still young. I accepted myself at 19, although I denied it vehemently. I didn't want to deal with it. I think it's awesome how you're so young yet brave to have acknowledged your feelings. Being honest with ourselves is often quite difficult, so I think you should make the effort. Do so, by hanging with more girls; I had mostly female friends growing up, some I even crushed on. I found out that I just like women more, it's an on going process, so take your time.
Thanks, my mom says to just be happy and whoever I like/fall in love with so be it. If its a girl, then whatever I guess ill find out who my true friends are. And i don't even know WHAT i feel. I get butterfles/uncofortableness around this one girl….but I'm not sure if I like it or not. I don't dream about her or anything, or try to impress her. And guys…I feel like all they want to sex so as soon as they try to hookup with me i feel dirty/uncomfortable/guilty. Is this normal? I can not see myself falling head over heels for a man, even though thats what i desperately want. For some reason i see myself being in love with a girl and sometimes that puts me down. I just want to know what I am.
guys will be guys and want sex, for the most part I know from personal experience >.> its hardwired into testosterone dominated minds though I hated the fact that I felt that way _._ so never acted on it when I was, probably around your age I did have feelings that I wanted to be with a girl, but always felt dirty about it now, I'm just wondering if you can see yourself as a guy dating girls ... this post just made me realise exactly how similar I felt at your age if you can't, well that's fine too, just trying every point of view before I decided I wanted to transition I liked girls, but always felt dirty around them guys were nice, but probably denied the possibility of dating them ... I also want to know who I am, its a work in progress