I feel boring, fake and awkward in social situations.

(*hug*)

Wow, you sound like me! ^^; I wish I could offer you advice, but as I am very much in the same boat, all I can say is that you aren't alone. Hopefully we will get past this stage in our lives by continually trying to put ourselves out there. I hope... :icon_redf

 

First of all, this is far more normal than you might think. Many people don't have a first relationship - or even a first kiss - until well after their teen years. There is no "normal" age. And the way communication works now, it's entirely too easy to develop a pool of friends that live nowhere near you at all. So you're definitely not alone there.

I also think it's normal to have a sort of fear that we'll be uninteresting to people around us. This can come from a lot of sources - maybe anxiety about something specific happening in our lives. Maybe a more generalized (and usually unfounded) fear that we just aren't good enough, no matter what other people think. How would you describe this concern you have? Is it just a nagging thought at the back of your mind, or does it make it difficult to actually be social and interact with people, even those you know or who are being friendly and receptive?

 

I can also totally relate to this. I am very socially awkward and always the quiet, impartial observer. I usually only talk when I feel I have something of value to add, or when the conversation interests me and I won't feel out of place to contribute.

Which is seldom. I tend to hate the way words come out sometimes. Most of the time I feel it sounds better in my head. It's hard because I would like to feel part of everything. Even with family, I'm quiet. It makes me extremely uncomfortable when someone comments on it and I'm sort of forced to speak. I'm a friendly person though who easily smiles and I try to help people with stuff whenever possible, without expecting thanks or praise.

I also tend to feel fake sometimes. I don't know the exact reason for it but I guess it goes hand-in-hand with social awkwardness. You'd think that more exposure would help me improve my social skills but it pretty much just makes it worse, as I feel excluded and boring and just unwelcome. I don't know how to start a conversation or keep it going, so whenever I'm alone with someone, there are a lot of awkward silences unless they are feeling chatty. I'm a good listener though.

 

I can relate to many of you as well. Around my coworkers and friends I'm a regular jokester that is constantly talking and telling a new jokes I heard. In my theatre class at college though where I'm rehearsing the Wizard of Oz (I'm playing the Tin Man), I feel like I can't connect with any of the people, except on a "help me memorize lines so I can pass the class" impersonal level. Only one person in the class do I really consider a friend, I've known her for a year now.

I think it just involves putting yourself out more and being open to being involved in conversations with people. I used to be extremely shy around people before I got a job at the grocery store where I have to work with the public. Now I talk to people I can connect with on a conversational level and can maintain eye contact. Keeping eye contact with people used to make me feel extremely uncomfortable, it was like I had an unusual fear that they could read my mind through my eyes or something! lol

 

Think of it this way: you feel boring, fake, and awkward, but I actually am!

To be serious, don't worry. To be honest, I'm not sure I'll even ever get to have sex at this point. I don't know, there's just something about me people find vaguely repulsive socially. I try, but I always somehow fall flat on my face in social situations.

 

yea im pretty much in the same boat like for me its like if im on drugs or drunk i can talk to people but if im not then i just feel weird around people then again i have like a phobia of people in general

 

I'm very familiar with how it feels to feel boring and awkward. My previous boyfriend dumped me without warning because he claimed things got “stale” and “boring” between us, and that was a serious blow to an already-fragile self-esteem…

Even before that, I hardly ever felt comfortable around groups of people and/or strangers. The conversation inevitably centers around things I have no knowledge of, and I clam up hard when it does. Even in online settings such as this, I'd start to say/write something and eventually think to myself, “Why bother? No one cares what you think.” It's a difficult thing to work past, I know. Like BloodyRose, I also have trouble feeling like I'm witty or engaging; most of the times if/when I amuse people, I'm just parroting something I heard/read elsewhere.

It's a hard thing to do, I think, but I do what I can to find people who are more likely to be entertained or interested in what I have to offer. Perhaps you can do the same, BloodyRose. I'm sure someone out there is interested in what you can bring to the world.

 

^ this is pretty much me. Trying to get over it though. Sometimes it is just hard to be myself. (*hug*)

 

Well Im 14 and i think I'm the most boring person ever. Lol, i have to hang out with a large group of people because its awkward if its just me and someone else because we have nothing to talk about/laugh about.

 

I'm like this myself. I usually just sit in the back and avoid talking with anybody. This is mostly because I go to an all boys school yet I see myself as a girl (too frightened to come out to my parents). I feel fake because I'm pretending to be something I'm not.

 

Maybe your not all that confident.

Stop focusing on what other people think of you and be yourself, you'll find some genuine people that you get along with.

When dealing with people that you really don't click with it's easy to just be happy around them, this doesn't mean being fake, just put on a good vibe.

No one is necessarily boring, some people are just more conservative than others. Try loosening up, and don't try to be funny if you don't think what your saying is funny(i.e don't be fun and goofy for the hell of it).

I never feel boring, but I know how it feels to be awkward and feel fake, because I am a closeted male. I generally get along with people and find I make friends that I don't want too easily.

I just try to avoid explicit conversation about the opposite sex to avoid feeling fake. Everything else about me is real, I don't suppress anything but my sexuality. Try doing that.

Personally what you sound like is someone who is depressed not boring, your general lack of interest in socializing and overall unenthusiastic view towards other people reminds me of anti-social behaviours depressed people display.

Not saying you are clinically depressed, but perhaps being in the closet isn't help. I know it doesn't for me, and that I am very anti-social because of it, I am social at heart though and somehow fight it, so you can too. I also live in a rural area so there are far fewer people to socialize with. What it seems is you live in one of the biggest cities in the world, so there has to be someone in there for you.

Also perhaps you are too critical of other people? Which aids in your avoidance of socializing with them.

The exclusion part is definitely thanks to your sexuality and closeted lifestyle.

Honestly as stereotypical as it seems, and I know you didn't post online to get responses you could read in a Chicken Soup for the Soul(or whatever) book. But try just loosening up, that being, having no shame, and not caring about other people. Being relaxed and comfortable with yourself is an attractive personality trait. People avoid others who give off negative vibes and seem to be more "effort" to socialize with.

In short people are lazy, they don't approach those who seem they may have to work at to get to know, they go for the easy open-armed people who are willing to accept anyone. So maybe try having positive body language, a relaxed facial expression, say "Hi" to people you regularly see. If I am walking down a hall and I see someone coming towards them I always say Hi, they don't always respond but those people are dicks and I just get a laugh out of them.

Try also not getting offended from people if they say homophobic stuff, I give everyone the ignorance benefit of the doubt, and I can't say myself if I was heterosexual that maybe I would say homophobic stuff without actually being homophobic. So I try not to let that stuff get at me, if not it empowers me more because I have to put up with that shit.

There are a million reasons why you feel awkward and fake and boring, but they all boil down to you not being able to be yourself.

I work with drug-dealing, thug "wannabe", and I still find a way to get along with them and socialize. I am a white homosexual nerdy male, who some how is friends with a bunch of "thug" life kids from government housing complexes, so I am sure you can suck it up and be friends with people you never thought you'd be friends with. I'm from a white small town, but am one of the only white kids at my work, and I'm sure I'm one of the only homo's too, but I still get along with them without feeling fake. Jamaicans are some of the most homophobic people I've met and I still manage to feel comfortable around them.

So you never know who you may get along with until you open up and let people get to know you. I would've never been friends with all these city kids if I hadn't decided to get over the fact I'm gay and in the closet, and that I can still try to live a decent life for now and that you have to be thankful for what you got, and ANY company is GOOD company.

So yea try loosening up. You honestly only live once, you aren't going to be where you are forever, so you mind as well make some connections if you can. And if some people aren't down with being you friends they honestly are probaly stuck up losers, because the majority of people I know are good people and are willing to "friend" almost anybody, you just have to be willing too friend them too.

The key to making friends and being yourself though is respect, you have to respect yourself, and you have to respect other people. Accept differences of opinions and pretty much anyone can be your buddy.

 

Let me share my openion here. You said, " I used to think that it was just because I was in the closet, and it was a manifestation of some personality suppression." I think that's precise analysis and I agree with it.

I also want to add one thing. What makes people happy varies depending on the person. I think you might be feeling the awkwardness because you haven't been able to find what makes you happy the most. In my opinion, most of the times, that's a sexual intimate relationship with the one who you're in love with. Especially for men around your age, I think. I too struggle with a similar situation. For me, my religious beliefs add on and I feel stuck..

I think when we know that we cannot get what we want the most, we tend to lose interests in any other things, and most of the times, it happens unconsciously. I feel like that is why you're feeling isolated and awkward. I totally see this kind of loss of interests, in myself as well.

I'm sorry that I don't have a perfect solution for you, but I think you need to keep trying to find friends who you can express your honest feelings and opinions.