I'm having a really hard time tonight. I broke up with my boyfriend of four years at the beginning of the summer in order to figure out my sexuality. What I had no idea of was how badly I think he wanted to get out of the relationship and how quickly he would forget me. We had been living together for two years. We decided that we would remain friends and try to make a friendship work. And I really thought that was going to happen because we've been together through thick and thin and more than anything we were best friends. We had talked about ways of making this post-split friendship happen, that it would involve a lot of communication and, eventually, figuring out dating. I started subletting to a woman he had found online. Red flag, right? But I trusted him since he said she was in a sixteen year relationship and also an improvisor (which is what we both do and it's a pretty tight-knit community). She was coming over from England for a summer intensive and would only be here for five weeks. We both joked about him getting with her, but through the joking, as well as in honest conversation, I made it clear that it would hurt me a lot if he did. He helped me move out and a week later she moved in. He stopped wanting to talk in any sort of depth with me and, though we saw each other and hung out, something was wrong. I wanted to give him his space assuming he would eventually want to talk. After she moved out he left me a late night message, crying into the phone about how lonely he was. When I called him the next day he was fine and didn't want to talk long. Well, long story somewhat shorter, he eventually told me that they had started a relationship and he was in love with her like he had never been before. He expected that I would be happy for him and felt no remorse. Over the past few months I have tried to make a friendship work with him, but I can't do it. I want to make them both hurt so bad. I want to tell her boyfriend, but I can't. And I know it would be wrong to do, but that is the way my thinking has gone. My ex almost physically assaulted me when I told him I wanted to tell her boyfriend. He thinks he saved their (the British lady and her beau's) relationship. He has also gotten into spirituality in the past few years and thinks this is all leading towards his becoming a better person. As of yesterday I have told him I want to cut off communication. He also told me he is going to ask out one of my friends. WTF!? I texted him tonight out of anger and it feels dumb. How could I have loved someone for so long who is like this? How can I get over this extreme jealousy that I am feeling? Good lord! What a mess! Can someone help me please?
i mean honestly i dont think he wants anything to do with you if he moves a girl in a week later after the split i mean im not trying to make you feel down but come on thats kinda self explanatory if i was with someone and moved out then a week later they were with someone else all moved in n stuff i would cut all ties cause obviously they didnt want to be with me so i would definitely cut him off and find someone else to hook up with i mean you can find someone new theres plenty of fish in the sea
Wait a minute. You're the one who broke up with him after a four years relationship to figure out your sexuality. That's perfectly fine in itself, but you can't expect him to just wait for you to figure out if you want to take him back or not. You're not together anymore, he is completely entitled to have whatever relationship he wants to have with whoever he wants. I understand that you're hurt that he started a relationship so soon after your breakup, but I suppose that he had known for some time already that you were questioning about your sexuality. It's not impossible he had started to move on already, even before you broke up. I can see why you're upset he fell in love with someone else that quickly but that might not have been very easy for him to see you leave to figure out if you love men or women. That can be pretty unsettling for a guy self-confidence. And besides, you can't decide who you are falling in love with. He was freshly single, he may have been feeling vulnerable, he found a woman he clicked with and he fell in love. You can blame him if you want to for starting a relationship with a woman who isn't single, but all in all, that's not your business anymore. You lost your right to have your word in his love life when you broke up with him. I know that what I am saying isn't exactly nice to hear and can sound harsh. I realize you're hurting and you're jealous, but you should realize that he has moved one since you broke up with him and now the only thing you can do about it is to move on too. The best thing for you to do would probably be to let him go. Stop seeing him, stop calling him, stop texting him. Let him live his life and try to find a way to live yours. That's easier said than done I know, but at this point you can't expect moving backward, all you can do is to try to move forward. Take care, Cécile
Thanks saosin13 and Eleanor Rigby. I feel pretty stupid. I guess that I am having trouble moving on. Over the summer I was suicidal, for no real reason other than that my life felt like a mess. I've been better for the past couple months but now it's all starting to creep back in. I'm seeing a therapist and doing yoga, but it's like I can't stay ahead of the emotions. I tried a rebound relationship with a guy, but that only hurt more. I have a date set up with a woman this week, but I have found I am totally uninterested in the idea of dating right now. I know break ups suck, but I thought that since I was moving on to figure myself out that I would feel much better about it.
