Every day I feel worse emotionally and physically. I want to avoid everyone and just have time to myself. A lot of people in the military just don't understand and they'll never bother to understand. I just want to be home already or just sleep through all these problems. I want to go back to seeing my family once again and have a normal life and actually start over being the real me instead of just pretending to be someone I'm not. I'm avoiding everyone as best as I can and the problems just persist with work and in my free time. My free time is starting to get overshadowed by problems I face at work with people. I feel like I'm getting worse emotionally because it just feels like mind games everywhere with everyone. The doctor they sent me too has concluded i have an anxiety and sleeping problem. I keep hearing you're "never off duty and you're always working 24/7" and it gets annoying and i'm starting to feel terrible and scared whenever I get called or talk one to of my supervisors. No matter how much I try to make my life better, it just gets ruined by this "work" and I feel worse than ever. I've been wanting to let this out, but I'm hesitant about it because whenever I talk about it to anyone at work it makes things turn out bad. I've gotten so used to how things work in the military that I just don't bother asking for help anymore because the people somehow make stuff like worse een when they try to help.
I admit, the closest I've come to military experience is NJROTC, but isn't there a military therapist, or even (ugh) a chaplain you could talk to about this?
Yes, I'm seeing a military therapist already. They told me I have an anxiety problem brought on by the stress at work. I'm leaving soon because of it. If I mention something about being Gender Confused, it might turn out bad. The chaplain in my unit is secretly a homophobe but he won't say things in public. I talked to him once. Never want to do it again.
Well, I'm glad you are trying to seek help, even if the help provided isn't enough. It sounds like soon you will be able to return home, and can devote more time to this and seek further help by someone more understanding and qualified. Wish there was something better I could say. I'm sure a mod would move it if you asked.
I'm pretty lucky though i'm getting help for my anxiety. It's just getting worse spending my life in this place. Everyone I know and love is back home and I'm missing out on their lives.
How about taking some Yoga or Meditation?? Jogging and cycling for hours have a huuuuuuuuuuge cathartic effect on me. Vent and ranting help to. Do it with us... In here you have a group to understands, at least to a degree, what you're going through and that won't be judging or looking down on you. The chaplain is not gonna be a good person to rely on. The therapist maybe. Aren't they suppose to keep it a secret?? How about if you tell a therapist outside???
