Well, there's this guy that I know from car meets that turned out to be gay. He popped up on a "phone app" I have and we went a few weeks without talking. I didn't know if he was down low or whatever, so I didn't approach him. He finally did message me, we talked about cars or whatever..We then began to talk more just about what we want out of a potential mate, etc etc. Over the last couple weeks we started talking on the phone.. Today I blatantly asked him, well.. I just said "I think you like me.." And he kind of stumbled a bit and admitted pretty openly that he did like me and that he wanted to pursue it.. I'm flattered, and he's not bad looking but he's not quite "my type" and the other thing is that I feel like i'd be fooling around with a friend even though we weren't even cool like that. What do you with the people who like you but you don't reciprocate those feelings genuinely. As some of you may know from my posts, I can give good advice lol. i'm not saying I'm clueless, just looking for perspective. The thing I can't stand is that I just wanted him to admit it for my own selfish reasoning, but I don't know what to do with that power I have now.. I have this thing where I kind of want that person to want me but I don't want to let it go, if that makes sense.. It's a bad trait to have. Little advice.:bang:
My response would be to flirt with him and risk crushing his heart when he finds out you don't have that kind of interest with him. I don't make smart choices though sooo yeah.
Yea, knowing that someone likes you is a great feeling and I can understand why you would not want to let it go. But at the same time, you're choices are to let it go, or be an extremely selfish douche. You've already admitted that he's not your type and that you don't like him in the same way he likes you. To know that and still lead him on would be insensitive and cruel. Think about the effects if you toyed around with him. He would just get that much more into you and be that much more crushed when you break things off (which you eventually would because you don't actually like him like that). To think of it as "power" is wrong itself. It's not power, it's the emotions of another human being. Could you imagine the pain of thinking that a guy you like likes you back to only find out he was messing with you and didn't care about you at all? You know it would be devastating. I'm going to to break out the old cliche...treat others how you would want to be treated. You know that you would never want someone to do that to you, so don't do it to this guy. Just be honest with him. Tell him that you're flattered, but you just don't feel the same way and want to stay friends.
Just tell him you don't feel the same for him. You'll only end up hurting him more if you decide to try this thing out and then break up with him.
Alternative A: Lead him on, make him feel amazing for as long as you lead him on, encouraging his feelings for you to take deeper root. Then leave him utterly confused, turning into feeling stupid and pain, which again will turn into anger if he's mentally healthy, allowing him to process the rejection sooner. Alternative B: Tell him he isn't really your type and don't give mixed signals about it. If he's got any sense, he will be temporarily disappointed, but appreciate your honesty and you may end up friends at some point in the future. Maybe he knows some guys that are your type. In that case, having a good standing with him will make things easier for you.
Oh no, I didn't leave him utterly clueless. He told me he wanted to be in a relationship and I told him that I didn't and didn't know when I would want to. I told him he was attractive, but I never told him I wanted to be with him. I think there's a difference. This is a person that I know, I don't want to hurt his feelings. I'm trying to avoid that. I just didn't know if it would be appropriate to just outright say i'm not interested in him when I'm really not sure. I don't discredit people on looks alone. It's just that so far.. I'm not ready for anything and to cap it off, he's not really my type. I guess i'm kind of looking at it like don't burn a bridge.. but I can understand this perspective for sure. I'm not in this position often. I expected him to say that he liked me, but he really REALLY likes me. And I didn't want to stumble him :/
I kind of agree with Jonathan. I've been led on before, and unknowingly led people on. It really hurts. If you lead him on, when he inevitably finds out what went on, you could loose the friendship and any chance you had with him. Being friends with someone is pretty damn awesome, don't throw it away! With friends if you decide you like him later you can always tell him and maybe something could happen. You never know! But it's your life, do whatever you think is right.
That's the thing though. If you lead him on in an attempt to shy away from hurting his feelings, you are only going to end up hurting him more in the long run. Telling him that you don't feel the same way and don't want to be in that kind of relationship with him at this point in time isn't burning a bridge, it's letting him know how you honestly feel. Telling him that doesn't mean that you can't change your mind in the future and decide that you want try a relationship with him after all. And if you're really not sure how you feel about him right now, tell him that. Let him know that you're thinking things over and are not sure about what you want to do yet. Just don't lead him on in an attempt to try to get out of hurting him, because that would only make matters worse.
