The questioning of my sexuality is beginning to drive me insane. I’ve literally only just come to terms with being gay. Like, accepted it and embraced it and even told a few people. But that’s all been set back with a recent occurrence in my life; I met a girl that I think I'm attracted to. I rated 4 on the Kinnsey scale and I thought that was pretty accurate. Mostly gay, but open to the idea of women. I never thought that classed me as bisexual though because I never had an interest of seeking women out, at least not on the same level as men seeking me out. I thought that the chances of me meeting a girl that I would be attracted to were pretty slim, but apparently I was wrong... I mean, if I put it into a statistic value, it furthers my case of being gay even more. I’m attracted to around 1 out of 10 guys. With women however, it feels like I’m attracted to 1 out of 1000. That doesn’t exactly feel like enough of a claim to be bisexual, right? However there’s the emotion side of things to consider. I’ve always felt far more emotionally close to women and, before thinking I was gay, I did have many attractions to girls that were purely based on their personality. It honestly felt like an attraction at least. Whereas with men, it’s the complete opposite. I’m attracted to mean physically, but emotionally I find it really hard to connect to them in that kind of way. So it feels like men = strong physical attraction, minor emotional attraction and women = strong emotional attraction, (sometimes) moderate physical attraction. I mean, I’m starting to hate labels. I don’t want to say every time someone asks me ‘Well I’m mostly gay with a chance of straight’, you know? So what would you class me as? Bisexual, gay or..?
I think bisexuality would be sort of 50-50 or 60-40 (either way). I rated 4 in Kinsey's too... I'm definitely more towards the girls side. I consider myself a lesbian... and I always come out as a gay woman. But, my closest friends know that it's not uncommon for me to have crushes on guys. I rather not say that to most people, 'cus the bunch of question will start and sometimes I don't feel like answering. But, yeah. I have had crushes on guys. Like physically, sexually, romantically and emotionally attracted to some specimens... Hmm... For me it's like... I really like the protectiveness I can get from guys. IDK... Also, there's an emotional level with guys that I like that, again, it's related to how protective they can be towards me and how they can challenge me in more physical scenarios (I love trekking, jogging, sports in general). I also like male anatomy... *shrugs* I know... But, honestly with guys, the sexual attraction I feel towards them slowly goes away once things get more intimate... and so, I push them away, because I no longer feel attracted to them that way. If it's an asexual relationship, then my platonic feelings could go on forever. Sort of like an "either or" type of situation. I mean, who knows? Maybe, I'll fall for a guy. I doubt it. But, again, I can't discard the possibility. But, for the record I'm a Gray-A Lesbian... I think to connect to people in an emotional level is more difficult. Personalities have to match to a degree... Don't sweat too much over that. If you're bisexual, you should be able to fall in love for both. Unless, you want to be picky and called yourself biromantic bi-ish homosexual... I think you're in a similar situation. Chances are you're platonic feelings will start to fade away, if you are intimate with a girl. Maybe not. I might be wrong. Personally, my biggest sexual crush with a guy didn't last longer than less than half a year. That's how I know I should come out as a lesbian and not bi. Also, if people ask me that very especific question, I say: "I'm a lesbian... but there is some level of bisexuality in me".
This may take some time to determine, but a lot of us bisexuals have times when we're really straight, times when we're really gay, and times when we're pretty even. For me, it can be days to months. I hear a lot about this Kinsey scale. I think it's a good start, but I think it's too one dimentional. I like to think of a bar graph with two bars: a straight bar and a gay bar, and these two bars fluctuate independently of each other. The height of the bar inticates how attracted I am to it's respective gender at the present moment, and a high number on one side doesn't mean a low number on the other side.
This is very interesting. I often hear from bisexuals that they alternate. Depends on the moon or goodness knows what.
