I'm looking for advice on this subject, as I have no one else to turn to. I'm an 18 year lesbian. Sound a simple enough statement, right? Unfortunately, the only person who knows it is me. I've known I was gay from around the age of 15 (I was a bit of a late-starter!) but I don't dare tell anyone, for fear it'll get back to my family, who are predominantly homophobic. The few friends I have are all heterosexual. I've never been on a date, had a relationship (with a man or a woman), or even a flirtation; no one has ever paid me any attention of that sort before. Until now, that is. I've only ever kissed three guys, all in the space of these last few months, all whilst I was on night's out, all of them whilst drunk. The first two were obviously looking for one night stands, and no way was I going to give in to them (I'm still a virgin). The third, however, seems to be more serious, as the guy in question is now wanting to meet up for drinks, etc, next week. I won't lie - I felt sick when I read his text. I know that sounds rather OTT, but I did. I was hoping that he'd have disregarded what happened, but it seems not, and I don't know how to put him off going down that road? I'm not the callous sort who can just flat out refuse someone who might be getting their hopes up. How do I let him down gently, without having to tell him I'm gay? Or should I just meet up with him? It may end up being a one-off, and he might lose interest. Any advice? I'd really appreciate it.
Hey I think that if you just explain that you were drunk when you made out with him, and that you're not actually interested in investing yourself with somebody. You said "he might lose interest" - you want him as a friend? If not, then I don't think it matters? If so, then be frank. He might actually be awesome and supportive down the road, who knows? M ps. Adressing your sexuality: I don't think it needs to come up at all in this situation. As for coming out, I can't say I'd be of much help if you need advice on that.
You're right - I do need to tell him I'm not interested. I guess that I'm just getting panicky over it because I've never been in this sort of scenario before. Hopefully, he'll be okay about it. Thanks for your help
I know how that feels, I felt so bad because I forgot to tell the guy who approached me that I was gay. I felt so embarrassed. We texted for a week and then I stopped texting him, I pretty much told him that I was only interested in being friends. When he approached me, I thought he was a female stud lol. He looked like a girl and some studs or butch women have unisex names. Once I found out she was a he, I automatically put him in the friends category he just didn't know I let him down easily, there were no hard feelings. He was cool tough.
Easy. Tell him you're not ready for a relationship. You'd love to be friends. With men, anything other than YES is a rejection, so there's no way for you to soften the blow lol. Just make sure he knows you'd like to stay friends.
It's a little complicated for you, since you mention you're not out to anyone yet. But I agree with the others, just tell him you're not interested in dating right now and that you'd like to be friends. I came out to two of my (male) colleagues because they seemed interested in me. One of them is forever inquiring about my love life and whether or not I'm seeing anyone, and would always try and think up some lame excuse to try and lure me over to his place... Not going to happen. The other guy and I often have casual coffee together just for a nice chat and a break from the office, and sometimes I drive with him and we get KFC and go eat it somewhere. I started to get the impression there is more to it though because he would often hint at it by saying something like, "so-and-so said they saw us together and now thinks you're my girlfriend" or the most recent was, "she (woman at work) asked me what's going on between us" - I realized then and there that I needed to come out to him before he gets any funny ideas. I haven't heard anything from him since. But that's his problem :lol: So yeah, when things seem to be going out of control, you need to start thinking about possibly coming out to him. It'll be a hard blow but best for everyone. I feel bad about it but I don't want to lead someone on either.
