Hey, EC'ers! As mentioned in a previous thread, I have just gotten my first girlfriend after entering college. It's a little strange for me to think of, but I'm psyched nonetheless! So my main issue is this--how much time do you think it should take for me to develop a liking different than friendship towards my girlfriend? I know that I've never dated before and it's different for everyone, but I guess I'm just worried about things starting with her more into me than vice versa. I feel kinda guilty, but I'm not always thrilled about spending ALL my free time with her. I feel like I always have to call her to hang out when I'm not busy or I'll be a bad girlfriend. I've been getting exhausted lately from all these events and clubs to attend, plus it doesn't help that my roommate is a party, theater girl that's been causing me some stress. So, naturally, I just want some time to be by myself when I can and not worry about other people. BUT. We set up a system where we always get breakfast at 11 before my next class, and then I hang out with her after class until dinner. We're in all our clubs together, so I usually end up spending the whole night with her until I make some excuse to go to bed or she has me walk her back to her dorm. Thinking about it now, that's almost all the time I'm not in class from when I wake up. I'm also kind of uncomfortable after having a five-year unrequited crush on a close friend that all of a sudden I get into a relationship that just seems....too easy. It's probably just me and my masochistic way of thinking, but it kinda feels like we're just pretending and we're actually friends because I didn't earn it. It's too simple, to just meet a nice girl after all these years (not to mention a real lesbian, not bi or questioning), have her be cute and kinda into me, decide to date and not have to hide out relationship. Am I just being paranoid? I like her and I'm glad all our friends and acquaintances accept us, but she's kinda...all over me in public, and I'm not sure if I like that. >.> It's funny, though, because she's actually really bashful. After asking me to be girlfriends she told me she was so stirred up and nervous about it she was shaking all the way back to her room, and the other night she practically fled up the stairs after kissing me on the cheek lightly. But besides that, we basically turn into that stupid mushy couple joined at the hip that everyone can admit to being a little embarrassed by just being in the same room. I'm not really into that--I like more subtlety and discretion. I get frustrated sometimes because all of a sudden she'll walk with her arm around my waist or put her head in my lap or start nuzzling my neck while I'm working or something--all the time. Today I just wanted to blurt out, "stop touching me for a second, please! I need to type!" but I don't want to hurt her feelings. I DO think she's cute and I DO like to cuddle sometimes, just not excessively and in front of our friends all the time. I also don't want her to take it the wrong way and think she's doing something wrong by bringing it up. Any advice would be highly appreciated!! >< I don't want to have qualms about my first relationship over silly little things like this!! :help:
From the sounds of it, you guys don't seem to have too much chemistry between you guys. Its not because its too easy or not, but maybe it was too easy because you really didn't like her too much. Every relationship needs healthy boundaries. You have to be able to be apart and still happy and without feeling suffocated. If you are feeling like you need your alone time then you need to talk to her. Tell her how you feel, that is not her but you just want to be alone, and it should be fine. If she overreacts, then just stand your ground. Of course the amount of time spent together and alone changes for every couple, but the rule is that if you are uncomfortable with the time then you need to voice that concern. But yeah, those things aren't silly or little. They affect you, your mood and your whole day. They are important
