Last night I was at a Halloween party with a few friends and a guy came up to me and started dancing and the next thing I knew he was kissing me, this part is very hazy, I was completely drunk. We then went upstairs and started to have sex, mind you I'm still completely drunk and I was consenting at first, but more like I had no clue what was going on so I went along with it, but then three other guys came in and each had their turn with me. I said 'no' and 'stop' a few times but they continued anyway. They made me blow them and this something I told myself I would never do but I was drunk and I felt pressured with no way out. After this me and the first guy went back to his place where one of the other guys came into the room, and they both took me at the same time. At this point I am in no way consenting and have no clue what is going on. One of the guys was incredibly rough and he choked me for almost the whole time, I have huge bruises on my neck because of it, which still are painful. I started sobbing in the middle of it and when they asked me what was wrong I told them I was gay but that no one knew and they just kept going. I just want to die. Whenever I close my eyes all I see is these guys and all I can hear are their voices, yelling at me to take it. My sister told me to go to the police but I don't want to make a big deal out of this and I wouldn't be able to recognize three of the guys anyways. I'm just so lost and I feel so numb. Also, I have to work tomorrow with these huge bruises on my neck and I'm going to have to explain to my boss what they are from. I hate myself so much. I'm so fucking stupid and weak and I can't believe this happened to me again. I don't think I've ever wanted to die so badly then I do right now.
Aww Hunni. (Hugs) I think you should go to the police. Can you recognize any of the men? If you choose not to go to the police, please find a crisis centre or counsellor to talk to. I'm sure a local hospital would be able to put you in touch with one.
But what would the police do? The guys would deny everything and then they would tell everyone I went to the police and I just don't want that to happen. I've contacted RAINN before but they didn't really do much or say anything that helped me. I'm thinking about going to a counselor but I'm afraid my parents would find out if I did that.
Firstly - you need to go and get your physical health in order. Go to a doctor asap and get yourself checked out for pregnancy, disease and any tearing etc. What these arseholes did to you is unacceptable. EVEN if you consented to start with (and FYI, if you were drunk or it was under duress then it doesn't count as consent), the second you say no they HAVE to stop or it is rape. No excuses. Go to the police anyway before the evidence is healed up. You can always choose not to go through with a report later. Your parents will not find out if you go to a counselor. You need this help. Honestly, go and do this for yourself. I'm not sure what your situation is, but many universities (colleges?), schools and similar have counselors attached to them. Even a number of larger businesses provide this service. I would also recommend a self-defence class. Even if they don't help you, the feeling of empowerment you get from knowing you can deliver a mean left-hook is worth it. Look into the laws in your area regarding what you can carry around as self-defence. I tend to have a personal alarm in my handbag at most times, at the very minimum. Rape is NEVER okay, and it is not your fault. Send me a message if you need to talk. It'll all be ok. Read this: http://stopviolenceuw.wordpress.com/2011/08/23/consent-while-drunk-is-not-consent/
I'm pretty sure my doctor's office is closed on Sunday's and I just called my gynecologist and they said they're open 8-5 so I may go after work. And I may look into seeing a counselor at my college when I go to school on Tuesday. Thank you for responding.
Not a problem. Remember you can also go to emergency - they will help you. The most important thing is to ensure you're ok. The rest can come later. If you want to convict, then with evidence is best and they can get dna from you if it's available. While that's intrusive, it will strengthen your case later if you decide to go ahead with it. All the best, stay strong.
I don't want to convict, the thought of doing that terrifies me. I took photos of the bruises on my neck just in case, though. Thank you so much.
I personally think you should go to a counselor ar a minimum and the doctor asap. Contacting the authorities is up to you, but just remember, the fact that you were drunk doesn't make it ok and the fact that you know these guys almost makes it worse(on their part). They felt like they could take advantage of you. Your parents would probably surprise you and support you. No parent wants to see their child a. taken advantage of and b. hurt in any way shape or form
I actually did end up telling my parents and they were really supportive and I'm glad I told people but I still feel so ashamed and embarrassed. Now I just have to go to the gynecologist to make sure i'm still clean, I'm hoping to go tomorrow but I'm not sure because of the hurricane. Thank you so much for your support.
There is a hotline you can call for support, advice, etc. It's called SARN -- Sexual Assault Response Network. Google it and you should be able to find the 1 800 number. Very courageous that you told your parents. I'm sorry about what happened to you; It's not your fault in any way.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. It it absolutely not your fault. This happened to you because those guy are horrible people, not because of any weakness on your part. There is nothing for you to be embarrassed about. I'm glad you are able to tell people and get help. Take care of yourself. If you want to talk to someone, you can message me.
Wow, I'm really sorry that happened. That was a completely core evil thing they did to you. They made a humanity-surrendering move. I understand if you don't want to go to the authorities. It's ultimately for you to decide how best to emotionally recover and move on. And I can't concur with others enough here; this wasn't your fault.
Those bastards. I really feel like I'm losing my faith in humanity sometimes when I hear things like this. -hugs- stay strong and you'll get through this. I really admire you for telling your parents. I don't think I'd be brave enough too if it were me. So well done. I'm glad you're gonna have them to support you And I hope those awful guys get what they deserve.
Yeah, I contacted RAINN which is a rape crisises center, they have a 24/7 online hotline, they're really supportive. Thank you so much, though. Thank you so much, it really helps to hear that because I still feel like it's at least semi my fault, even though I really know it's not. Thank you, I really, really appreciate it. <3 I don't know how anyone could do this, like what the hell is going on in their head. So fucked up. Thank you so much, though <3 (*hug*)(*hug*)
