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I came out to my wife and blew up my life

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by scott8088, Oct 28, 2012.

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  1. scott8088

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    So - I've always been kind of a weird kinky kid - when I grew up I was a bit gay - but I was raised Catholic - and gay was a sin. The entirety of my thoughts about sexuality were a sin. So I threw it in a hole - buried it - and tried my best to deny everything about me - because what I thought was sick and twisted and evil. It was gross and wrong and sinful. It was an abomination.

    So I created a version of me that was straight. It thought it was straight and I guess so did I - I would just try to keep things together - I could live a good life. I had relationships with women - but it was always difficult sexually. When I lost my virginity to a girl - I could not get an erection - I had to think of something sexy. Something gay. So this strategy was used from then on.

    As a man - you cannot fake it when there is no sexual interest - so in order to be a real man - you have to find a way to fake it. Or so I tried to make myself believe. I went from life rut to life rut - trying to make myself a man - trying to keep it together.

    My first experience with a man was a one night stand - while I was in a relationship with the girl to whom I lost my straight virginity. This experience was thunderous. It was visceral and wrong and it hit every button. I was disgusted at myself for doing this sinful thing - but I went back to it as my goto rolodex moment for years and years.

    My girlfriend saw the copious hickeys and evidence of just being rode the fuck out - and that shattered my relationship. I vowed to never ever indulge in this sin. It was evil. It destroyed this pure thing --- with a girl for whom I had only passing attraction. I cannot be gay. I have to keep it together. Thus began my periods of life ruts and self destructive behavior.

    When I was in a particular life rut in my early twenties - I met a girl that was very sexual - and I liked her for that. I liked that she wanted to play all the time - and that she seemed to like me - so I played the role and played the part. I made myself a reflection of what she wanted and I thought the reflection was real. I thought - awesome - I'm finally a man. I can finally be a man. I thought this me was real - but I always had the evil part buried in a hole. It was always in the background - this evil sin. But I loved Christina - she was really a good friend.

    She helped me get out of my mom's house, helped me get out of the rut I was in, helped me stop working at an "Adult Bookstore" ( I worked at an adult bookstore and watched gay porn all the time but I kept telling myself I was straight - just kinky ). She helped me to get to where I was. I loved her - she was my friend. I had sex with her all the time - but often in my mind, I was using the rolodex of sexual imagery that really turned me on - not her. I thought this was how everybody did it. I thought this was how you keep it together. I cannot be gay.

    So - she pretty much just tells me we are getting married. Her aunt was very domineering and engineered a wedding. She basically just created this marriage - and I followed along in the role because I was just trying to be straight. I like gay porn - but I cannot be gay. I watch straight porn from the perspective of the girl - but I cannot be gay.

    We marry - are married a year and she gets pregnant. I did not want kids - but now I had to find a way to pay for this. I quit school and got a job - to try to keep things together. We moved to a different state for this job - and I thought things would work out.

    I was miserable. I was depressed all the time. I was fat. I was using drugs constantly to just not be there. I was mean and horrible to be around. I loved her but I felt she was a shackle to something - but I resolved to stick it out until I was dead in order to keep things together. She left me and moved back home after a couple of years -- I thought it was over. I fell into a deep depression and malaise. I had these fantasies for years but never fulfilled them. Why not? She left me. I can try it.

    So I met a dude on CL - and that shit blew my mind. It was wrong and kinky but damn it was hot. I could not be gay - I just like gay sex. I could not be gay - I just liked really really gay sex. Afterward - I fell into a shame spiral. This was evil and disgusting and a sin in the eyes of God. This was evil incarnate.

    All the while - I was trying to maintain my marriage by sleeping on the phone with my wife - in the other state. I think she did it just to keep tabs on me. I felt like she was the straight warden keeping me in straight jail. It was not a jail though because I was straight - I cannot be gay.

    Years before - when we first started dating - she found my stash of gay porn. She threw it all away. I think she thought I would straighten up if she did. I resented her for it. Those were mine. Those were special to me - they were what I used to feel the way I really wanted to feel. Our relationship became like that of a cop and a criminal - a mother and an indolent child. I tried to maintain the facade - but the stress of it drove me to more self destructive behavior. My weight ballooned. I was drinking cough syrup to get high all the time - to try to just stop thinking. I cannot be gay. My marriage is happy. I am happy. I like this person. I have to keep it together or they will know I'm g...

    I could never tell myself. I could never admit the evil. I could not be gay. I was married and had a very sexual wife. I was not gay - I was bisexual. Yeah - thats it.

    So the years crept by.

    We kept things going - with drugs. We both smoked much more than we should and drank much more than we should and ate much more than we should. We were both miserable - so she had an affair with the guy she REALLY loved. Her high school boyfriend - her true love.

    This was an assault on my cover. They will know I'm ga.... Im not gay.

    I reacted as though it was terrible - all the while hoping I could use this as a pawn when she found out I was having gay sex on the side. But I was not gay. I was straight. I was not gay. I had children to support. I had to keep it together.

    She went scorched earth and wrote her lover's wife and told her about the affair. I would never have recommended that. I wanted her to see him - I know she needed a real man and I was a poor substitute. I did not think she was just bomb the shit out of their life. Her lover resented her from then on - and they have never shared the same connection. I feel I am to blame for this - I should have told her then.

    But i could not admit it to myself. I cannot be gay.

    So I moved us to frickin San Francisco. Could there be any more gay a move? I was hoping for a new life - maybe to find a way - far away from all the people I know - that I can just look at the toys. I just wanted to look - it was just fantasies. Hell - even on the recruiting trips to SF - I was arranging gay hookups. I did not go through with it - I was always pretty sketchy and neurotic about it - I would tell myself - the problem is that the fantasy is never the reality. These are just sex games with myself - I'm not gay.

    I loved San Francisco - she hated it. I loved going downtown and would drunkenly hit on twink boys - then realize - shit I'm with my wife. But I was not gay. She hated every single aspect of the place. It was whacked out and fucked out.

    I met a man in SF - that said - "Gay is just a label - you are not evil. You are friends that have sex with each other. Love is based on that - and if you truly like gay sex - you could fall in love with a man". This thrummed a chord that echoed for the next year and a half.

    Then she found my yahoo account.

    Super Bowl Sunday was not a great day. My wife was unsatisfied. We both thought it would be cool to spice things up a bit. She set up an account at a swinger website and she went to my computer to set one up for me. The account was automatically logged in. She saw.

    She comes in screaming. Punching. Yelling. I get kicked out of the house.

    Part of me was in glee. I could be free. But the rest of me was desperate not to lose my kids. I wanted to maintain a relationship with them. I wanted to just keep it together for them. I could not divorce her there for financial reasons. So we tried to work it out.

    I told her the whole thing was just sex. It was not a real thing. I keep all that compartmentalized. I don't associate love and sex. I don't associate feelings with sex. I tolde her I was bisexual - and I really hoped I was. We had a 3 way with a guy --- and when he was playing with me - I was completely into it. I was more into it than I ever was with her. She saw that -- I did not want her to - but she did.

    For whatever reason - she decided I needed this occasionally - as pressure relief. I just wanted to give myself over to her to let her control me because I could not control myself. She said it was ok if she knew about it. So we went on a hookup - with her driving.

    I played with this guy and was incredibly turned on and hot - then saw myself from her eyes and was disgusted. I ran out and left - but the guy kept my number. He called me later that week while I was with her --- and that just blew all that crap apart. The balance was no longer cool - so she aid we are not going to do anything outside the marriage anymore.

    I immediately opened a new account.

    I wanted it so badly - even though all my experiences were ultimately shitty - I wanted it so badly. I wanted it deep in my core. I wanted it with my soul. but I could not be gay. I was not gay - I was kinky. I was a pervert - but definitely not gay.

    Besides - I fucked up and made myself fat and disgusting. No one would want me. I was rejected by a guy that I thought was moderately ugly - and that crushed me. I resolved to make myself attractive - forget my wife. I want to be out. I want to be free. I need to get myself to a point where I can - both physically and mentally.

    I embarked on a crash course of diet and exercise to try to both convince myself I was straight and in an unhappy marriage and to try to be more attractive so guys will be more apt to hook up with me. Christina followed along - but she gave up quickly. I resented her for that too.

    I was good though. I managed to avoid actually doing anything for close to 6 months. I would fantasize - but I would not DO anything. She was being faithful to me - so I should be faithful to her.

    I needed to get us back to our home state so we could divorce and she could be out of my life. I was so tired of this warden telling me I could not feel this way.

    So I took a job that got us back to the deep south - the place I hated. I thought this would help keep things together. I wanted out of the marriage on the one hand - but I did not want to ruin my children's lives or Christina's. I thought I could just ignore it all and just be ok. I would just try to be ok - suck it up - do the job - pay the bills - raise the kids - and then hopefully die soon.

    Immediately when we get back - she sleeps with her old boyfriend. I did not blame her. I eventually got so pent up that I had a hookup - which blew my mind - then I tried to just not do it again. I'm not gay. I'm just sexual. I'm trying to keep it together. I need to do the job - stay straight - and hopefully die in a car accident so my kids get life insurance. The constant tension was just gnawing.

    Cut to a few months later. I have arranged a hookup - and I get a text I did not expect. She goes apeshit. I give in - tell her about my account. She demands to be allowed to be neck deep in my exchanges with these people again - I feel I deserve this - but I hate her violating my desire to be gay. We should have split up ages ago - but somehow we are still stuck together.

    She decides she will arrange hookups for me. She will monitor all exchanges and set all rules. Was the warden going to let me let my freak flag fly? Of course - this was just a lure. She kept drawing me out - playing along. She topped me and acted like a man to me - which moderately turned me on - but a big part was missing. And I also felt shame. These parts were never supposed to mix. She was never supposed to see how much I like it.

    Last weekend she arranged a meeting with an incredibly cute guy. He liked me and I really liked him. I could not get it out of my mind. I could not get the idea out of my mind. I could not get his parts out of my mind. It was like a floodgate opened. I was staring lustily at every dude with big shoulders I saw. I was checking out the guys at the gym hard. I was not gay - what the hell was happening?

    I come to her crying. I'm trying to keep things together and play the role - but these shit is breaking down. I beg her not to make me do this. She tells me its "OK" if you're gay. I tell her - no - its not. I don't think I can maintain this facade if the truth is out. I think the facade will crumble like old leaves. I cannot acknowledge it and then - i blurt it out.

    Atomic Bomb explosion.

    Her first words - "I know". Her second words - "We need a divorce". The warden had set a trap. She lured me in and then sprung it on me when I was trying to tell her I would go all the way gay if I had a hookup with the hot guy. But maybe this was right? Maybe this whole thing was bullshit. Maybe we should get a divorce. She pretended to be supportive - but the anguish was building. In her eyes - the gears were turning and the hate was roiling up.

    She told me its ok to have a hookup. She said - go ahead. She texted the dude to start. She told me to look. So I did. It was awesome. I was excited and happy. I felt like she freed me from this prison - that I could actually be me. I felt like I could actually maybe feel both sex and love and actually feel. But when I called her to tell her the exciting news that yes - I think I am gay -

    She was not excited. She was livid. She was disgusted. She was repulsed. But she acted like she was cool with it.

    I said I was sorry I said I was not going to do it again or talk to any of these guys. She said - no - you have to explore this side of yourself. So - thinking I had permission again - I talked to this really cute guy - and we really had a connection. I felt like a giddy school girl talking to him. It was electric. It was the most satisfying conversation i had had in years. I felt so attracted to this guy. I felt a real crush on this guy. I always associated gay with sick and disgusting. Could it really be ok?

    My walls were fracturing. I used sex with Christina to keep my cover. I hoped if I appeared to really like having sex with her - she would stay close. This worked well until I told her about the way I fantasize about guys - or me as her - for all of our marriage. After a couple of days of not having sex - I kind of lost track of the role I was using to interact with my wife. I lost the skin - I just felt it insincere.

    This made her more angry than anything else. Now she thinks it was all a lie - and I think I agree with her. I feel sorry that I could never come out. I never planned on coming out. I feel like she dragged me out. I was just going to continue to try to control it and suck it up until I was dead - which was hopefully soon. I'm not gay. This is just my way of getting out of a bad marriage.

    My mannerisms then started to show. I stopped pretending to be so butch and just let myself be myself. Relaxing felt good - but she then did not recognize me.

    She now feels that she never knew me. I'm a stranger that is wearing the body of her husband. I cannot say she is wrong in this.

    We are stuck in the same house till May. For the past week I've been trying to consol her and to support her. I really hoped she would just say - I know - and we could be girlfriends. She never was satisfied with me - so I thought the feelings were mutual - but we had good times. I wanted to still be friends. I held her and slept in the bed with her - after 15 years of marriage - and tried to tell he I was always there when I know I was never really there nor did I ever want to be.

    I feel i betrayed her. But I don't know when I could have pulled the trigger - I never really knew myself until last Monday.

    Now - a week has passed. I want to still talk to Michael - but I don't want to continue to pluck the chords of hate in my ex wife's heart.

    We are still legally married - and I live in the upstairs guest bedroom. I don't know how this will work out - its been pretty tense.

    I assume she is going to go scorched earth on me with the kids. We live in the deep south and I think they will definitely give her custody.

    What sucks is that I made all the money in the family. I will have to get her a house for her and the kids - and me an apartment - and pay for both. I have all her bills I have to pay. I have all her credit card debt. She can barely pay gas and electric. I know this is going to crush me financially - but I'm sick of trying to care. I want to be free so bad - I just can't stand it.

    Part of me hopes she gets awarded full custody. I was the one that was the mother and father to the kids. I woke them in the morning - I put them to bed at night - she hangs out. I make dinner, I make the meals and do the household chores - she crashes on the couch.

    DOes anyone have any advice? Has anyone ever been in a screwed up position like this?
     
  2. Chip

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    Hi, Scott.

    Welcome to EC. First, you're in the right place. There are quite a few men here that have been in circumstances very similar to your own.

    It sounds like it's not been very long since the bomb dropped, so give your wife some time. While at some level she's known for a long time, on another level, her denial has been pierced.

    When anyone goes through a significant loss, there are five stages
    denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance.

    In your case, I think the denial got blown out as soon as you admitted it, because she knew all the other pieces. So she went straight into the anger.

    I *think* that when she calms down, she'll realize this is for the best, and you can both move on with your lives. Also, even in the south, and with you being gay, very few courts would award her sole custody of the kids. If you have to, you can get a child psychologist to testify that it wouldn't be in the best interest of the kids, but it probably won't come to that.

    The main thing now is, just try to stay as calm as possible and let the anger work its way out, and then -- hopefully at least -- you'll be able to talk about it in more reasonable terms.

    You'll probably hear over the next day or two from a number of guys who have directly been in your situation and can offer some additional thoughts.
     
  3. 55

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    Hi, Scott. Welcome to EC. Your story is gut wrenching, beautifully written, and very close to my own!

    I wish I had time to write a lengthy response, but I don't today. Sorry. I do encourage you to read my threads, which I started writing a year ago this week. You'll read about my history, coming out process, and how I was feeling a half-year after coming out.

    Also read threads by other members like Maxx, NomadicDave, Kneedragger, JimL, Solost44, and Tracker57. There are others whose user names escape me now, but you'll come across their great support and advice while reading my threads and the threads of those I mentioned.

    I'll put out the word to some I've been close to that there's a new member needing advice and support. I hope you'll hear from some of them, but as with all of us eventually, I think some of them have moved on from EC.

    Anyway, Scott, you are not alone! Our journey through this mine field of an existence is tough. I'm glad you found this site and I hope it will provide you with some of what you need to become the man you were born to be.

    Please post a message to me in this thread or to my wall once you've had time to read some of our stories. I wish you nothing but the best!

    (*hug*)

    55
     
  4. Mitchell

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    Welcome.
    Quite a long message....

    Hopefully you will find friends here.

    I'm sorry you had to go through that - it can't be an easy thing to go through. I guess it's good, you're accepting who you are... but it must be sad, at the same time.

    I wish I knew what to tell you...

    Anyway, welcome.
     
  5. Jim1454

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    Scott, Welcome to EC. You've come to the right place. I am someone who has been in exactly the same 'screwed up place' that you're in. There are A LOT of parallels between your story and mine. I used gay porn but couldn't admit that I was gay. I get married because my girlfriend set the pace and let it be known that she wanted to get married. I continued to used gay porn when she wasn't around. Eventually I got online - chatting, cycer sex, phone sex, web cam sex, and eventually meeting the guy for sex.

    I also grew to hate myself for what I was doing. The self loathing caused me to be so depressed that I couldn't live with myself or with my family. That is what eventually drove mr to counselling, where I spilled my guts out. I started to acknowledge to myself that there was a problem. My sexual activities were so frequent, so obsessive and so compulsive that I identify as a sex addict.

    I soon admitted to my wife what I had been doing - and of course she was furious and devastated. We soon separated. But she also soon came to realize and accept that I was still a decent person and that I didn't o what I had done on purpose. She has been very understaning and supportive. So give your wife a bit of time. She was fairly accomodating during your marriage, maybe she'll be the same as your ex.

    I'd suggest that you both get counselling - inividually and as a couple. You're going to continue to be parents together - so you need to know how to get along and communicate. It helped us a lot.

    If she is understanding, she won't 'out' you to anyone unless you're ready. That should include your kids. Have a conversation with her about that. I waited 2 years to come out to my kids.

    Just know that while things might look bleak right now, they'll get better. I idnt have any hope at all when I was where you are. I was a gay, divorced, overweight sex adict. I was convinced that my wife and kids would be better off with my insurance money - and that I had nothing to live for. I WAS WRONG! And if you feel that way, while you're justified, you're wrong too!

    I got into recovery. We sold our house but we bought two smaller ones. The kids adjusted to us being apart, but I was still very involved in their lives. I met someone and fell in love. He'd been married to a woman before too and also had two kids - similar in age to mine. My ex met someone new as well. They got married 2 years ago and we attened their wedding. We got married one year ago (I'm thankful that I live in Canada!) And they attended our wedding. It really DOES get better in time.

    I'll leave it at that - as I'm typing this on my blackberry and my thumbs are starting to cramp. But stick around. Feel free to write again here - or to me directly, or to the other guys mentioned above. Read our stories.

    You're through the worst part - coming out to yourself. You've come out to your wife as well - the second hardest part. Just keep moving forward - you're on the right path.
     
  6. NomadicDave

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    Whoa!

    Scott,
    Chip is a rock on these boards and is always right, or at least in my circumstance. I've been married twice both around 14 years and suppressed being gay. I bought into the social script that says you are weak if you are gay, you are somehow flawed. Nothing could be further from the truth. Just take it one day at a time right now and you will be amazed how you can get through the tumult that is your life right now.

    Your wife has played a huge part in manufacturing your guilt. She is complicit in much of your story. In other words, it is not all your fault. She has been toxic, abusive, manipulative and bullying, among others...time and therapy will reveal this but, I'm not a therapist and understand these are my flawed views.

    I wish you well and suggest you keep posting.
     
  7. jimL

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    Hi Scott,

    First, your a really good writer. You sucked me in and I couldn't stop reading.

    Holly shit man, I cant believe how you have been treated by this controlling and manipulative person. I don't know how, but you have to get as far away from her as possible. It's really too bad that you have kids....if not for that you could just get in a plane and fly back to SF and live how you should. I came out a little over a year ago after 23 years of marriage. I am learning to accept myself, you can to. I will say that it does get better, and in your case it can't get any worse. Good luck and let us know how it's going.
     
  8. Omla

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    So intense.
    That's some life shit, man!
     
  9. Caudex

    Caudex Guest

    You should become a professional writer. That was amazing.
     
  10. FemCasanova

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    It takes two to tango. She could have handled it differently. When I kept reading, I felt so bad for you, that she pretended to be supportive, and yet contributed to making you feel these feelings of guilt and shame. You have had a really long struggle, but on the bright side, it seems to me that you are now finally at a point where you could possibly move on with your life, into the right direction. And the right direction would be the one that makes you happy, in which you don`t have to be depressed or feel bad about who you are. When you start taking those steps, you can find acceptance within. This part of you that wants to be with a man, is NOT evil. There`s nothing evil about it. When you love someone, who give of yourself to them, and that can never be evil.

    *Hug* Welcome to EC, glad you found us! If anyone can prove that being gay is not the same as being evil, it`s this group of kind, generous, accepting and lovable people, who cares and can relate to what you are going through.

    And thank you for sharing your story. There are so many out there in the same situation as you are in, you are not alone!
     
    #10 FemCasanova, Feb 19, 2013
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2013
  11. greatwhale

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    It's been a week now that I have come out to myself, and it seems that I have gone through the entire set of the stages of grief that Jim1454 talks about. I can assure you that if it wasn't for my upcoming divorce, after years of a sexless marriage, I would probably still be in that miserable place "for the sake of the kids".

    You've had it rougher than me, but I also live with an abusive woman, I can't wait for this to end.

    Over this past week I have poured out my soul into this God-sent website, I am so glad that there is support and kindness here. I have a tough few months ahead of me, but I truly do not feel alone anymore. With their support, I have already found the courage to tell people who and what I am.

    Check out my blog posts if you like, I think they speak to what you are going through.
     
  12. Motov

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    I know your story all too well, I've fought that same war, and finally accepted the truth, there was no changing that part inside that wanted men, no matter what I did, tried to fake it until i make it, blab it grab it, profess and possess,...etc. and never even dented my true desire. The day i said to myself "I'm a 3 dollar bill" was the same day my internal war ended.
     
  13. Ditz

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    I think your story is a lesson to all why its important to be true to yourself. I'm sure things will settle, but right now both you and your wife need to step back and think of your Children. You both screwed up, irrespective of who did what and they are the ones who are going to suffer.

    Your kids need a stable platform, they need both parents in their lives even if it means that mom and dad is divorced. I truly hope they don't become a bargaining chip in all of this but you owe it to your kids to sit down with your wife and try to figure out the best road forward to give your children a solid upbringing.

    I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but both of you will need to figure out how to do this.
     
  14. Chip

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    Keep in mind this thread was started in October, and the OP has not been back since early November. It's unlikely he'll see any of the responses.
     
  15. Ditz

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    Oops... I didn't see that...
     
  16. Sinopaa

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    Oh hun...I so wish I could hug you right now. Your story brought me to tears. T^T I know all too well what it is like to be forced into a role you can not play. I struggled for 20 years trying to repress being a girl and play the part of a straight guy. It's a miserable existence having people not know the real you. My first piece of advice is to stop beating yourself up. None of this is your fault. You were brainwashed by a religion into thinking being who you really are is a sin. If anything, you should be given credit for holding onto your pretend part as long as you did. It takes a very strong person to pretend to be happy when you are forced into that much misery. Be proud that you found your way out of that labyrinth of a closet.

    My second piece of advice is to not roll over and take being judged or punished. Just because you became the real you doesn't mean you should lose everything. Even though your marriage was a lie you still worked hard to provide for your family. And I'm sure that you still love your children very much. You deserve to have no less than part-time custody of your kids. You have sacrificed more of yourself than any other father possibly could for them. So please don't let your ex be the only victim and take everything from you. You are just as much a victim in this situation as she is. Always remember that the root of all your problems is the BS the church has indoctrinated you with.

    It was never Gods will that you live a lie to make him happy. Yet religious blowhards have turned a few Bible verses into this crusade to convince you that being gay is some unforgivable sin. Romans 3:10, Romans 3:23-24, Matthew 7:1-2, and Romans 2:1-7. states the truth behind fake Christians "anti-gay" teachings best.

    Romans 3:10 <As it is written: "There is no one righteous, not even one>

    Romans 3:23-24 <"for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.".>

    Matthew 7:1-2 <“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.">

    Romans 2:1-7 <You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge another, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things. Now we know that God’s judgment against those who do such things is based on truth. So when you, a mere human being, pass judgment on them and yet do the same things, do you think you will escape God’s judgment? Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, forbearance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance?

    But because of your stubbornness and your unrepentant heart, you are storing up wrath against yourself for the day of God’s wrath, when his righteous judgment will be revealed. God “will repay each person according to what they have done.” To those who by persistence in doing good seek glory, honor and immortality, he will give eternal life.>

    It is clear in the Bible that regardless of our sins we are all equal in Gods eyes. Everyone in the Catholic Diocese, including the Pope himself, is no higher than you to him. Yes, the Bible does say that being a homosexual is a sin; but to him everything we do is a sin. We have all managed to equally fail in some form or fashion as it is impossible to meet his standards. All the Bible says is to believe in him and ask for forgiveness of your sins. So don't feel guilty about being gay or let others try to force you into feeling bad. And definitely do not roll over and take undue punishment for coming out. Live your life the way you were supposed to and continue to be a good father.

    My third piece is to let your past go. It is impossible to rewrite history for the better. And don't let your past dictate or hinder your future. Continue to build a healthy relationship with your kids. Try to be kind to their moms side of the family. But do not lie to them or others about why things could not work between you and your ex. The truth is going to be hard for a lot of people to accept. Heck, a lot of people who have known me for years are still struggling seeing me in a dress. What matters is that you honest with yourself from now on. Don't lie to yourself or others about being gay. Lying to "save face" or not hurt feelings only adds more pain.

    My last bit of advice is to find some positive people in your life for support. I highly advise finding a local GLBT group. They have programs for people who are suffering the same way you are right now. If your family or current friends reject you, find new friends who can become like your family. But please don't try to go through this alone though. Changing your entire life is as stressful as trying to live the fabricated lie. Just remember that everything you are doing is for the better of yourself and others now. You deserve support and love through this tribulation just as much as your ex does.

    If you ever want to talk we are all here for you. Good luck on your new journey. And always remember to be true to yourself! (*hug*)

    ---------- Post added 19th Feb 2013 at 02:03 PM ----------

    Ah damn it! And I just wrote a text book response back too! :tears:
     
  17. GuidingLight

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    Sinopaa, Your post had an impact on me. I appreciate your wisdom :slight_smile: Thank you.
     
  18. Sinopaa

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    Really? :3 Ah, thanx hun! (*hug*)
     
  19. Ianthe

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    I'm locking this before anyone else wastes their time.

    If anyone objects, please post in Ask the Staff.
     
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