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FTM name-help-encouragement

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Myra48, Oct 28, 2012.

  1. Myra48

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    what do you guys think of the name Vincent? its between that or skyler right now. im going to order my first binder as soon as i get my mailbox at college. i cant wait to get the binder but im also scared. im scared of what my grandma will think. she already told me not to get one and she didnt think i would go behind her back and get it myself. i dont know what she would do if she found out. another thing that bothers me is that she cant differentiate between being gay or transgender. she thinks that by getting a binder and having a flat chest, that im telling the world that im gay. she also wants me to carry a purse. i cant handle what shes doing. why cant she just leave me be. im almost 19 i should be able to live my life the way i want. all i want is to be a man with a deep voice and flat chest. i dont understand why she cant accept that, or at least try. she wants to give me estrogen to make me straight and happy being a girl. i also dont know how to talk to her. she just ignores the fact and i cant bring it up. how should i talk to her about it without her flaring up.
    i guess im just asking for encouragement and advise here
    thanks
     
  2. Myra48

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    please somebody give me advise. ive wanted to hurt myself all day, and im afraid that i will
     
  3. Pret Allez

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    Ignore your grandma, and do what you need to do for your mental health. I am glad you got a binder, and I hope you get to it first. People don't really understand transgender issues or even think that transgender identity is even legitimate. You'll just be told that you're gay, and you "just think you're a guy." That's gonna come from people who don't understand and don't want to. You're a straight guy, and nobody can take that knowledge away from you.

    I'm sorry that I don't really have advise for you other than to ignore people who don't understand. You're a very valuable person, and I think this is a good step for you.

    On names, I like Skyler more than Vincent.
     
  4. LightningRider

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    First things first, do whatever you feel is needed.

    Your gran can scream up the high-heavens and lowest points of hell, it's not going to change the way you feel nor can she control you as you are a grown up and have the right to make decisions for yourself.
    Honestly, I don't see a situation where you can sit her down and talk to her without her flaring up. But it's obvious that you do need to talk to her about it.
    I'd suggest waiting until you get your binder, you might feel more confident once you have it. And when you do talk to her about it, don't obey the whole "respect your elders" crap. Everyone deserves respect and just cause she's your gran doesn't mean she can disrespect you.

    Be vocal.
    Be assertive and tell her you have a right to be heard and she should listen. If she starts yelling, remain calm, just sit there quietly and pretend to listen. Once she stops, start off from where you were.
    Just because she has a little rant doesn't mean you aren't allowed to say what you want.
    You can always shout over her and tell her to stop interrupting you but I quite like the keeping your cool thing. Showing no response usually gets people's attention more than responding.

    Be confident.
    I know it's easier said than done, but keep reminding yourself that you have a right to be the person you want. You deserve to be happy. You want this. It's your life and you aren't some toy for her to play with and dress up.
    Look her in the eye when you talk to her - if you can.



    Now onto the more pleasant stuff. n_n
    I have this link here which I've shared on this site in other thread before:
    Five Things To Consider When Choosing A Name
    Also try writing out your signature. :slight_smile:


    Hope I've helped a little.
    If not, well hey, I tried ;P
     
  5. HatterMad

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    Yeah my gramma is sort of like that too.
    She says she's ok with me being gay and all but every time anything goes poorly for me she blames it on my being gay.

    I like the name Skyler better then Vincent, but this is your name, and it has to feel rite fro you. Vincent has a lot more nicknames to chose from, too.




    Well now I'm sorry it took me so long to reply. I had this open for an hour with other messages, but it takes me soem time to reply.
     
    #5 HatterMad, Oct 28, 2012
    Last edited: Oct 28, 2012
  6. GayJay

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    Could you not try printing off some imformation about transgenderism, then leaving them lying around so she has the choice to read them or not to.
    Yeah I can't really give you much advice, cause am kinda in the same position.

    And as for the names I really like Vincent although eveyone seems to prefer Skylar don't know about in America but here Skylar is a girls name. And like the boys version is Tyler or Kyler. So yeah for that reason I prefer Vincent, and Vince is pretty cool.
     
  7. smprob

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    Why, it's your body and your binder, no one has right to worry about what others do under their cloths or with their body, not even your grandma even how close she thinks she could be to you. She def has her own body to deal with if she wants to. Above it all it's your life. If your grandmother wants to give you estrogen to make you straight, let her know you already have enough in your body as you're pre-op( or as to how you're born) and that getting more in your body may give you side effects, tell her you know better about it and Just ignore whatever she has to say on it. She can't force you to have it, right.

    Anyways getting more estrogen will only make your body grow to be feminine, so don't let her have her way with your life.
    It's hard to come to terms with people who show no tolerance. Best way to deal may be by ignoring her every time when she tries to change you to what she likes or when brings up the talk about you being gay and how to make you straight, showing you've got no interest. She may not get worked up if it's not always on her mind like a challenge, so you will gain some freedom. If not you should just keep her away from your transition and girlfriend updates and discussions.