Ok, first off: I hate having a straight crush. I keep telling myself it's so pointless, and I'm just hurting myself by liking her, but I just like her so damn much! :icon_redf We're really good friends, and spend almost our entire day together at school. Unfortunately she's a really touchy person, and she is always hugging me (and she doesn't hug very many people), and is really close to me physically (all of our friends basically don't have personal space), which isn't necessarily bad but my body keeps going to into "omg my heart is going to burst out of my chest" mode. And she has been playfully flirting with me lately, I'm pretty sure she's straight, and she just does it to be funny, but that just brings in a whole new level of frustration. :bang: I'm not out to her yet, and I don't know if I should tell her. I kind of want to so maybe she'll stop flirting with me, but at the same time I don't want to because I'm worried it's going to screw up our friendship. I know she's perfectly fine with gay guys, but I don't know how she'll react to having a close friend that's a lesbian. :tantrum: AUGH! This is so aggravating, I hate that there has to be this delicate balance! I just want to be 100% sure she's straight; that might make feelings easier to put aside, but her flirting is making me more confused. Should I come out to her? Should I try to find out if she is definitely straight or not?
im not in a realthinking mode right now,so i really dont have any advise for you,but i will say i hope somebody or yourself can find an answer for you. Hope it works out for you
I had a friend that did that too. She would flirt with me and she was very touchy feely. Even though I wasn't really attracted to her, I got uncomfortable when she tried to touch me. She must have noticed, well that and the fact that I never talked about guys because she kept asking if I was gay. I finally answered her question with a yes one night, and so now she knows. She doesn't get so touchy feely with me anymore, a good and bad thing I guess. I would say if you feel comfortable with her knowing, then go ahead and tell her. Yes you might risk losing her as a friend but it might save you continued heartache down the road. Just do what you feel is right.
iv read many stories similar to your experience with your close friend who maybe infact straight...what i would do from reading other stories...is somehow bring up the topic of lesbianism while you are talking to her alone, say like, "I saw this show on Tv where a bunch of gay women robbed a bank and got away with it" (somthing like that)and ask her what do you think about "gay girls"...and then she will give a response...if its a concrete harsh response then yes she may probably be straight...if its an iffy response like she really dosent want to talk about it...then maybe she is infact gay or ail bi...but then you have to take into consideration the other aspects like...she could just be giving you a strong response like..."I think lesbians are bad" (or somthing worse...dont want to bash gay girls on here lol..all gay ppl are awsome to me) but from a strong response she could also maybe defending herself self consciously as she maybe attracted to girls as well... what i am suggesting..just bring up the topic of gay women somehow when you are alone and talkin with her...and see how she reacts and really look deep into her EYES...and her BODY LANGUAGE...and VOICE TONE...and how VALID HER RESPONS SEEMS TO BE...and then you decide if shes defending/hiding her own gay sexuality or if she really does not like gay women...just use some tact and bring up the converstion and see how it goes.. if it dosent seem to go well maybe you should not tell her right away that you are gay...wait till the relationship is stronger and maybe she wont even care if she turns out infact a straight girl and will still value you as a good friend...but before you tell her you are GAY...view the signs ...then make your ultimate descion...that way you wont loose your friendship if you value her as a close friend...:lol: GOOD LUCK!:lol: keep us informed of what you do!
I have this same problem too. One of my friends is very touchy. I just would say if you don't want to jepordize your relationship with her to not say anything and try to get over her. Now...if you come out to her and she is bi/gay then maybe something can happen...
Aah, don't we all "love" straight crushes... As far as finding out if she's straight, you could try working the subject into your conversation and seeing how she responds (like Andrew said). If she's fine with gay guys, I can't see her having something against lesbians. Another way to see if she's straight is to come out to her, and see if she does the same. Yeah, I haven't actually met any gay guys that way, but it's always worth a shot... lol Oh, and just FYI, I've had a crush on my best friend for a year and a half, now. I've known he's straight for a year. He's known I had a crush on him for a week. Luckily for me, he was fine with it, and we're still friends. My crush on him is just as strong as ever... *sigh* Best of luck getting over her. If you figure out how to do it, I'd love some advice.
Thanks for the advice everyone! I know I'm going to come out to her eventually, since I hate keeping things that important from my really good friends. I don't know when I'll get around to it, but I'm really hoping she'll be fine with it when I do tell her. I may try to see how she'll react by bringing up lesbians in conversation (as some of you mentioned). So, we'll see how things turn out, and thanks so much for all your advice! (*hug*)
if you trust her as a friend, i would definately come out. i came out to a friend recently, and then soon after told her i slightly fancied her :lol: crikey, that was awkward, seeing as she doesn't really like me back and i don't even know her orientation. but, because we have a strong friendship, it hasn't come between us, and now we're even more close. but the whole "is she straight? argh she's hugging me again" is a real stinker - this friend has recently got extremely huggy with me, and i don't quite know what to think about it :S this would be easier if i knew her orientation. so, basically, if you trust your friend as a friend, i would come out / ask her orientation / surrepticiously investigate like andrew says good luck!
The first guy that I was ever in love with (literally in love with, unbeknownst to him) was straight, as far as I know and it royally sucked. If you think there can be a chance I say go for it, but don't lose your head and don't break your heart over a lost cause. Good luck!
I would say your should definately come out to her but... bring up lesbians and talk about what she thinks of it or tell her you read something in an article or your mom brought up a weird topic today after school when driving home and then start to ask her different ideas about it and if she is totally fine with it tell her. Or if you are almost positive she will be ok with it let her know that you are going to tell her something that means a lot to you and etc.. and then tell her. But when you say if you want to find out if she is definately straight or not, I would say you shouldn't do that. People react differently all the time and I have a friend that seems like he might be gay but i'm not sure and he reacts different all the time and sometimes you will think he really is but other times he doesn't seem like he coule be at all, and your friend might act the same way. And also i'm not sure what you were thinking about how you would find out if she's straight or not but if you mean like trying to kiss her or do something like that to her definately not do that. I've thought of doing that to my best friend lol but I know I would really not do it unless he did it first because he used to be really really really close to me. Anyways, good luck!
One way that I've used to find out if someone is gay is to just come out to them. That seems like a great chance for them to come out, if they're ready to. I mean, I'd suggest doing it in a somewhat private setting, so they feel more comfortable to come out if they want to. I'd definitely discourage trying to kiss someone to see if they're gay. If someone randomly tried to kiss me, I'd probably freak out, a bit.
