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How to stop girls from liking me?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Closet88, Oct 28, 2012.

  1. Closet88

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    As I've said in previous posts, I would love to come out soon but am just not ready yet. One of the problems with being in the closet and not really meeting any of the typical gay stereotypes is that a few girls have been attracted to me over the years. I usually manage to put them off by saying stuff like "I don't want a relationship at the moment" or "I'm kind of seeing another girl but you wouldn't know her."

    I tend to attract older women. I don't really know why, but there's been a couple of occasions where older women have made a pass at me and I've had to try and put them off. At the moment a girl I work with has been texting me and saying we should go for a drink some time. She is 10 years older than me and I've tried using all of the excuses I usually use, but she just doesn't seem to take no for an answer. I will tell her I'm not looking for a relationship and she will be like "me neither, I just want a bit of fun." When I mentioned the age difference she said "I could teach you a thing or 2."

    Now telling her I'm gay is not an option. I also can't bring myself to say I'm not attracted to her. She's said in the past "do you not like me or something?" And being the type of person who doesn't like to hurt people's feelings I replied "of course, you are gorgeous."

    How can I get the message across that I'm not interested without telling her that I'm gay? And does anyone else in the closet also have this problem?
     
  2. burg

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    ''How can I get the message across that I'm not interested without telling her that I'm gay? And does anyone else in the closet also have this problem?''one girls been texting me to hang out over last couple of weeks.i didn't reply last time kinda got a bit of guilt about it.(prob not best i give advice).there is one bi girl i told i was gay a few months ago.we have been mates for years.more than once i would wake up with her in my bed.i was avoiding her because i didn't want to be in that situation.she is pretty hot i found it pretty hard to tell other mates why i never slept with her.especially since they tried hard to get with her.anyway she asked if i was asexual but i came out and said na im gay.im glad i did shes been great about it.i still wake up on odd nights with her in my bed .but i like it now it feels someones on my side.
     
  3. Gen

    Gen
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    Many people have these types of questions, but the real answer is that you cant. Women/Men/Everyone will always be attracted to someone. It doesnt matter if they will never feel the same way. It doesnt matter if there are horrible people inside. People will like.. People. Especially with gay men and women, because we can form close relationships with the opposite sex without feeling any attraction, which cant always be said on both sides.

    With this women specifically, it would be a little difficult to put and end to it without simply saying this like "you are interested". There are nicer ways to put it, such as "I just dont want ____right now" etc, but she will probably take it as you not being interested. If it hadnt of gone this far you might have gotten away with I'm seeing someone, but its a little late for that. Sorry, it sucks. Trust me, I cant even count how many times I have had to do this.
     
  4. Caudex

    Caudex Guest

    Ha. Nice problem to have, I guess. But I guess since she's old, not so nice. You either have to just suck it up and say you're gay or keep avoiding her. Your call.
     
  5. cutieboy201

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    ive had the same situtation b4 and all i did was ignore her and talk to her normally and when she pulled a move i would just say "Im not lookin for a girl right now" or "I dont think we should date but we can still be friends"

    (!) Dancing banana to cheer you up ^_^
     
  6. Thyker

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    I have the same problem as you. I am very comfortable around women and don't mind being myself. Unfortunately, they take this high level of confidence around them as attractive I suppose.

    This past summer at my work, there was a girl that I became friends with. Well, she ended up getting my number off FB and started to text me. She was texting me with stuff like "You're cute.", "You have a great personality.", etc. I tried to do what you did and explain to her that what she was saying was very kind, but I was just not interested in a relationship, etc. I ended up ignoring the text messages that revolved around a relationship. The only way it stopped was for it to run its course and the crush will die. That's the only way it has ever worked for me.
     
  7. Closet88

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    Hey, thanks for the advice guys. Caudex, it would be a very nice problem to have if I was straight or if it was guys interested in me :slight_smile:.

    Cutieboy, that's what I've been doing for a while but she just doesn't seem to be taking no for an answer. I think this may result in me having to be cruel to be kind eventually. I dread going to work because I know I will see her and it will just be awkward because she just doesn't give up!

    And Thyker, I think I have the same problem as you! Because I have no sexual attraction to these women I come across as really confident, making jokes and just being me. I've never really though about it like that before. Your story sounds similar to something which happened to me at university. A girl got my number off Facebook (I have since hidden my number on facebook) and was texting me. The problem was he friends were having casual sex with my friends so my friends thought we were a couple. She was texting me one night to come to her place because she was "lonely" and I just ignored it. It was really awkward seeing her in the future and my friends would ask why nothing would happen with her. I'd use the usual excuses though like "I'm kind of seeing another girl." And I know this one sounds terrible but I also said "I'd never go with her in a million years, I can do better."

    I think I must come across like Jack Black's character in Shallow Hal with the ridiculous excuses I use to avoid girls!
     
  8. AAASAS

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    I don't have facebook or a cellphone at the moment,and this makes it easier. Girls really are put off when you don't have a facebook or cellphone to contact on, they really are superficial sometimes.

    I've basically stopped girls dead in their tracks when asked if I have facebook or a cellphone
    they usually say "How do you live?" and I reply "In Reality" and they usually find that too extreme and out dated.

    I know it sounds ridiculous, but honestly just try that, making contact really hard is the most off putting thing you can do to a modern girl.

    I don't know there is something about not being actively involved in social media that makes you seem like a weirdo, even though I think people that are over involved are the weirdos. I prefer to get a real phone call or someone to show up at my house.

    This is though extreme, because most people have narcissistic tendencies and enjoy facebook and texting useless substance lacking messages to eachother. So yea, thats one sure fire way, but it also does mean losing some friends(but hey if you need a cellphone and webpage for someone to call you their friend then they really aren't a good person).

    I'd trash the facebook, or at least make your settings as private as possible.

    I basically never have to come up with a reason for not meeting girls because I've made it so hard to. Whenever someone asks I say "no cellphone, no facebook" and they don't even wonder anymore, I'm that "tree hugger" even though I'm really not in their eyes. I'm sure if I lived in the city I would meet people that thought it was "cool" to not have that and pursue me more

    Also maybe you are just really attractive and are going to have to deal with this even if you are out of the closet? Ever think about that. Girls are attracted to attractive gay men, almost always.

    Maybe your personality is really attractive too. I have this problem, girls are always telling me they want me to have their kids....etc. Try not being so friendly. I am not threatened by girls cause I have no attraction to them so my comfort around them may be taken in the wrong way, and you may be giving off the same vibe.

    You are most likely a likeable guy and this shouldn't be a problem with you, I think most people would be happy to get so many self esteem boosts on a regular basis. I mean to even post a thread about having girls approach you too much should make you feel good about yourself.

    One thing I do is keep my hair longer, as people tend to call me jew fro when I do(I have very curly thick hair more like Roman curls, but there aren't many jewish people around so I get called it out of ignorance(anyone with curly hair is Jewish to my italian aryan town).I find girls are less friendly with me with a big head of hair, not saying I am dirty about it, girls just like "pretty" boys, and having a head of hair suggests I'm less aesthetically driven, and therefore shuts off a lot of girls.

    I don't know, stop being attractive.
     
  9. Closet88

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    I love the way you guessed that I have a Facebook without me actually saying I do haha. :slight_smile:

    I don't really use Facebook as a means of communicating and barely use my phone. It's mainly just there for convenience. The main way I communicate is probably via email when I'm at work. I could probably live without Facebook but don't think I could go without a phone. I've just become used to having one. And funnily enough I have lied to girls in the past that I don't have a phone :slight_smile:.

    I don't have enough self-confidence to say that I'm attractive. I have been told by girls that I am but I really don't see it. I come across as naturally friendly I think. Although I don't really have many friends I know a lot of people who will hopefully see me as a nice guy.

    And yes, I do have short tidy hair. I've tried growing it in the past but it just annoys me after a while because it gets so messy. And I will try to stop being attractive if this is how I'm perceived haha.