I transferred schools this year, and, by coincidence, the girl I liked at my old school, lets call her Rachel, transferred to the same school as me a month or so later. (Almost my entire grade is transferring out of my old school.) So for the first part of the year I had an almost relationship thing going with another girl, but that turned bad fast. And now I'm back to liking Rachel. The problem with this is she is so nice and gorgeous and cool and genuinely popular, it's intimidating. And I am so shy and socially anxious that no one notices me ever. I have no classes with her, and we rarely talk, but we do say hi to each other in the hallways, and I'm pretty sure she's queer. What I'm wondering is what I do now. It scares me to talk to her, and I feel like I don't have a chance with her, but my heart refuses to give up.
Why is she out of your league? Just because you're shy doesn't make you a worse person. But since you're still in high school, I would counsel against any action. You never know what might happen when you're still 17.
Sometimes the most desirable people are the most lonely, because everyone who likes them thinks they're "out of my league" and they don't stand a chance. And if there's anything I've learned here at college, it's that often the "coolest" people are the ones who are least sure of themselves, but they play it cool so that no one knows that. So while it's normal to feel intimidated by that surface coolness, that's all it is: surface. Beneath that surface is a regular human being with insecurities, fears, and who is probably also looking for someone special. You might find this post I wrote a while ago helpful: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/support-advice/56450-looking-relationship-simpler-than-you-think.html
Owen, I've heard that advice before, and it's probably true, but it's always hard to believe. And that post is great. I can't imagine how long it took you to write it.
Hey! I can help you here! In high school I was popular I had the coolest friends and we were te best looking the wealthiest. The only people who would ask me out were people who wanted me to have sex with them. I was not out in highs cool but I did had a a few guys take me out with no one knowing. People calle me a slut due to the amount of girls I hung out around people would graffiti my locker and right things on it. Now I can Handel my self I never let any one see that i was hurting inside. And I can tell you right now that the populate you talk about are feeling confused, feel pain, have fears, and are just regular people. Infact most "popular" people are so insecure we do everything to hide it so we try to look the best on the outside so people then feel jealous of us and the jealousy is what we crave an what we love. We love to be looked up to and like that people fear us. For me I talke to everyone by grade 12 because I was so sick of the drama invilved with popularity. And when I talked to regular normal smart people they had almost no drama in their life's and were happy with thenselves for the most part. And most of the time popular teens have problems going in in there heads or at home which is why we drink and smoke and do anything to make people like us. It a sad sad life at least for me I hated myself I hated being mean to people I was suspended 4 times for bullying and starting fights and expelled once. I was such a bad person and honestly I wish I never met any of my friends. So what I'm getting at here is that just because she's pretty and popular doesn't mean she won't like you. You might think she's getting asks out all the time but like was said above people feel the same way as you and are scared to ask and get rejected. But Seriously I would ask her out. Be cool aroun her don't get nervous you know talk about similar things. (Never gossip it gets you no where trust me :O) I was in so much trubble because I talked about people and that usually what popular people do because they are insecure with themselves ok but don't be scared of her
Alexander gives some great advice. I'll add a couple pieces to it: -- It might be best to first talk to her away from her group of friends. In high school in particular, appearances are everything, so she might respond one way in front of her friends, and another way one-on-one. -- See if you can find some sort of activity that isn't a "date" that you could do together. Such as working on some sort of school-related project or volunteer activity where you could ask if she'd like to help. That takes the pressure off, because there are no expectations that it's a date, or either party is showing "interest." It can be as simple and ridiculous as "Hey, I need to go to the store after school, would you like to go with me"? -- Putting yourself out there is taking a risk and making yourself vulnerable. And that's a really, really good thing. That's where the real ability to find joy in your life comes from. You won't always succeed, but trying is always worth it.
I'd consider my current best friend (and former crush) to be out of my league in just about every area. Looks, socializing, athletics, you name it: He's better than me at it. We don't even have a whole lot in common, but somehow something keeps us always coming back to each other. If he wanted to he could easily ditch me and hang out with his other 500 friends and think nothing of it. But he doesn't, and I'm certian he won't ever. Sad thing is, had I not known him since before grade school, being the way I am now, I'd undoubtedly be too intimidated by his popularity to talk to him at all. And It'd be sad cause I'd never know how great of a friendship I'd be missing out on. Thanks to him I understand that popularity doesn't need to be the near impossible to overcome barrier some make it out to be. If you think she's nice then by all means use whatever you can to start a casual conversation with her. Even small talk like asking to borrow a pencil or for help with homework is better than nothing. If her reactions are kind and inviting then there's no reason to be afraid, what have you got to lose? You'll either wind up advancing the conversation from there and getting to know her better, or find out she's not the right one for you after all if she does something mean or intentionally makes you uncomfortable. I think that's what shy people fear most about talking to the popular crowd, and most of the time it's irrational. Usually you can tell how approachable a person is just by watching the way they act around others. If she's nice to everyone else most of the time, then just ask yourself, why would she be any different around me? And what's the worst that could go wrong when I approach her? If you can just get her to see you as someone kind and friendly who enjoys her company, then I'm sure she'll open up to you sooner or later.
I'd so what chip said ask her to do something like workout after school most of the time poplars focus on appearance and we work out like crazy. Ask to chill on the weekend or chill after school. If you have class with her be her partner male sure to ask her or get her attention like right away I remember I had multiple people asking me to be their partner for projects. But like I said I think she will be flattered by you asking her out or to hang out like I've said before you know the only people who ever asked me to do anything were people who wanted to "sex me up" or have me "sex them up" (LOL I had to put it that way). I have one question though do you know she is a lesbian? If she's hanging out with a group of popular pretty girls and she's not out yet or not conformable even if you ask her alone she may still say she isn't jus because she doesn't want you to mention it my mistake I tenement that was my biggest fear when a guy would ask me "out" (sex) I was always nervous the he would tell someone and most of the time because I wouldn't have sex with him or her they would lie and say we did so I had rumors about me having sex all the time at first I was so hurt and upset eventually I came to terms with it and just dealt with it. But ya I would ask her in private and tell her you won't tell anyone and that you find she beautiful and ya good luck hun
