I apologize for the story, it has a point. So recently I have been watching a show called Degrassi, and it is what has made me so curious. I am intrigued and obsessed by the storyline of Adam, who is an FTM born as Gracie. This show is what really got me thinking about my sexuality and such. I don't know why, but I am obsessed. I've always been curious about being gay or lesbian or straight or bi. I always considered myself straight because I thought guys were cute. But then there would be time where I thought girls were cute to. I've found both sexes attractive I guess. I'm 19 and I've dated one guys during 11th grade. It barely lasted 3 months and we barely kissed. I've also kissed one other guy (in a musical, so it was a stage kiss) and I've kissed one girl, who wanted to teach me how to kiss for said stage kiss. They were both nice and I didn't mind that they were with different genders. I've never seen myself as someone that people want to date because I'm a bit on the chubby side and the guys never seem to go for me. But I've also had these weird moments where I wish I was a guy because I want to know what it feels like. I randomly find myself wondering what it's like to have something between my legs and have no boobs. I've even wanted to be a guy and be gay. I just don't know. I don't know if all the different things I feel are curiosity or if I'm something other than straight. I feel...I don't even know what I feel. And I'm too scared to even consider bringing this kind of thing up with anyone, my friends or anything because I don't know what I feel or how they might react. I just don't know what to do. So if someone read this whole things and has answers or feedback or advice, I will take any help. :help: ---------- Post added 29th Oct 2012 at 12:29 AM ---------- And I mean in middle school when my mom and aunt told me i should start wearing a bra I was miserable. I hated those kinds of things. And my period, ugh. I just, I was always a tomboy growing up. Always. I didn't even really "grow out" of it until late high school. I don't know if I started liking dresses and heels and bras or if I thought I had to. I always thought I looked kind of stupid. I just don't know what to do. I just...I'm so confused.
I love Degrassi, but back when they had the original characters. Anyway, I know exactly who you are talking about, how long have u felt this way? There's nothing wrong with questioning and you've come to the right place. I'm gay and I've known for a very long time, I loved the characters Paige and Alex on Degrassi--I'm not sure what season you started watching. I think you should explore your feelings by meeting people who are LGBT. I was nervous initially, but I'm out, proud and happy. Although, some days I wish I were straight--the whole equality thing. Whatever you do, don't allow anyone deter you from figuring out who you are, just embrace your feelings.
Thanks for the response. It's my first night on this site. To be clear, I just recently got into the show but I started all the way at the beginning, and I love Paige and Alex as well. Um as to how long I've felt this way I'm not sure. I mean, the topic of sexuality has always been interesting and I have a lot of gay male friends but none who are lesbians and certainly no trans. I've just kind of always felt a bit out of step with everyone and a bit cut off, I guess? I mean, I did the girl talk about boys and stuff throughout high school but now I feel different a lot of the time. And I was curious before Degrassi, but it opened my eyes to how curious I was. I'm just so nervous to actually talk to someone like face to face. It scares the crap out of me. I mean, everything is so confusing and complicated. Sometimes I just wish it were simpler.
sometimes its surprising how much stress can be added by trying to slap a label on something like this. it took me years of little hints here and there before i actually thought long and hard about it and realized that there really wasnt much of a difference between girls and guys to me. but nothing like this has to have a title. sexuality can occur on a spectrum, instead of trying to determine if "im gay" or "im bisexual" sometimes its easier to just let it go instead of fretting. just let yourself be open to the possibilities. If you are attracted to someone just enjoy the attraction, dont let it send you reeling with all that you think it implies. if sometime down the road you find yourself crushing on a girl just do what comes natural, most people would probably consider it bi but it doesnt have to have a name. Im sorry if im not making much sense, its a freeing notion once you are there but its usually quite the bumpy path finding out where you stand. just dont panic at every new development that you werent expecting. stay open
Thanks it makes perfect sense actually. I do put a lot of stress on myself when I really start to think about it and then I practically have these freak outs in my head. I panic. I think I'm going to plan to look into the LGBT club at my school when I go next fall. Maybe that would give me some ease. and some perspective.:icon_wink
Hi, i haven't seen the show so I don't have anything brilliant to say about that. I just wanted to say this: You are very young. Confusion is a normal part of being young, you just need time to grow into who you are meant to be. Perhaps it will turn out that your sexuality is a bit more complicated than other people that you know. That's ok. It just makes you more interesting and versatile. My best advice is just be patient with yourself. Let yourself think all sorts of things without freaking out about the direction your mind goes. Meet all sorts of different people, and learn from their experiences too. When something interests you, explore why. And most of all, Relax. You're going to be okay.
I agree, labels can be like a straight jacket. We are all different and we should not try to fit ourselves into neat little boxes. It is hard, and being 19 is a confusing time as well. You are trying to bridge the gap between high schooler/teenager and "mature, responsible grown up" ( and trust me, that title is elusive and I don't think you ever reach it until you are 83, at which time you can turn around and tell people you can do as you please and just continue to enjoy life instead of worrying about being a "grown up") There are a lot of thoughts, feelings and concerns all jumbled up and this is definitely a time when sex and sexuality come front and centre, issues wise. The main thing is, don't fret about it. Relax, and don't feel like you should be either one thing or another. This is a good place to start:Talking to others about your feelings in a safe environment. Allow yourself to explore the possibilities that lay before you but don't stress about having to be one thing or another. I know that for me, I felt completely alone in my feelings and I thought I was the only one who felt x or y, but when I talked about it here, I learned that there are so many others who do feel the same way and we have all come from different walks in life and come at issues with different perspectives. It is comforting to know you are not alone. You also talk of joining your school's LGBT club next year and I think this is a brilliant idea. Once again, you would be surrounding yourself with individuals who understand and support and can help you find other local support as well. Relax, breathe and remember you are not alone.
