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Advice on Coming out?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by HeyBeard, Oct 28, 2012.

  1. HeyBeard

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    Hello Everyone, I was just looking for some advice about coming out to my friends and family. I'm in college now and most of my friends seem like they will accept anything about me, but I'm not sure because they mess around with he whole "Gay" subject a lot, calling people fags and what not. As for my family, they are all Christians and I am an atheist, and gay, so those don't really go well together. even worse though, my dad is a really against the whole gay thing :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    With all of this into consideration, I realllly want to come out, but can;t bring myself to speak anything about it. I want to start out with my friends and eventually work my way to my family. I just need to know how to "start".

    I'm getting more and more comfortable with the fact that I am gay, but feel that maybe I should start off by telling them that I am bisexual, or would that be bad considering that I would technically be lying?

    Thanks for listening and I will greatly appreciate any advice everyone has to give :grin:
     
  2. Lance

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    I would start out by picking a friend that you trust and who you believe will be accepting of you. I wouldn't come out as bisexual if you really aren't. It's misleading and I hate to say this, but it's sometimes not taken as seriously depending on who you're telling and how they feel about it. It's easier just to get it over with the first time and come out as gay if that's what you feel you are. To start you could just simply say to the person that there's something you've been meaning to tell them and pick a time and place where you'll both be alone.

    If you live at home, I'm not sure I'd advise telling your parents just yet. Being atheist in a Christan household is bad enough, but add on gay and it doesn't sound too good for you. If you have any reason to believe that they might kick you out in light of hearing the news, then I'd wait until you're on your own and not dependent on them.
     
  3. Stridenttube

    Stridenttube Guest

    I would start by coming out to a friend that you are close to and would think would be accepting. The first person you come out to is usually the hardest, it really does get easier every time. You say you really want to come out but are having a hard time saying anything. Just know you don't have to come out in person, you can call them or write a letter, call them, or do what I did and just come out in a text message. Just say you have something you need to tell them. You'll most likely find that after you tell your friends that they mostly stop calling things gay and stop calling people "fags" because it changes people's perspective when they find out they know someone who is LGBT.

    And I wouldn't tell your parents just yet if you are still living at home.

    I wouldn't come out as bi, because then you will have to come out again later to tell them that you are not. Best of luck! :thumbsup:


    Darn! Lance beat me to it!
     
  4. Ruby Dragon

    Ruby Dragon Well-Known Member

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    It's great to know that you have such awesome friends, so coming out to them first is a great ice breaker. It will ensure you have a support system going before you come out to family.

    When I started coming out, I also began with a few friends. It was via text messages because then I didn't have the courage to do it face-to-face yet but I just really needed to come out. With the first friend, I just said, "I don't like men" and with the next one, I actually said the words, "I'm a lesbian" and so forth. It became easier the more I did it and eventually I decided to tell my parents. But I came out to them in a letter. We are all Christians so needless to say, they took it pretty hard and are still struggling with it. It'll take time though.

    I think to avoid confusion later on, rather than saying you're bisexual and then coming out as gay, just start by saying you're into men/not into women. That basically tells them you're gay but not in so many words. So until you become more comfortable with what to say and how to say it, you can go with that. Best of luck to you :thumbsup:
     
  5. HeyBeard

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    Thanks everyone :grin: I am very very happy and will definitely try the text message method. I am going to college right now and am living on campus, but I will still wait to tell my family due to the fact that I am only 17 and am still somewhat reliant on some money situations.

    Thanks again, I really appreciate the advice more than you may think ^_^
     
  6. Lance

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    Good luck. :wink:
     
  7. HeyBeard

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    I just wanted to update you guys on how my day went so far using your advice. WELLL for one, I told 5 of my friends and they all said that I am their friend and they will support me in any decisions that I make :grin: To add on to my already awesome day, the guy I had a crush on, came over and engaged in a conversation with me and asked for my number! So im going to get to know him more :grin:

    Just wanted to thank you all for the advice again, it means soooo much to me <3
     
  8. Stridenttube

    Stridenttube Guest

    Congrats on coming out! It's awesome to hear that it went so well for you! :icon_bigg
     
  9. Ruby Dragon

    Ruby Dragon Well-Known Member

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    Wow, that is awesome news! Huge congrats! Hope it keeps going smoothly for you :slight_smile:
     
  10. Lance

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    That is wonderful news! Try not to scare the crush away. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  11. HeyBeard

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    haha thanks again everyone for all of the support and advice, you guys help lift a huge burden off of my shoulders! I'll try not to scare him away haha, I'll keep you posted on how things go ;D