Basically, I've been dating this girl for almost a year, and I really love her. We're so compatible, and being with her is like heaven for me. Recently, she befriended this girl that's new to our school, and I really didn't have a problem with it until a couple of weeks ago. This girl is really 'hands on' I guess, and likes to hug people a lot, but there are times when I've seen her smack my girlfriend's butt. I'm not sure if it's in a playful or sexual way, but it really bugs me, and I hope that's understandable. It's becoming a real problem, because I've tried to talk to my girlfriend about it and she just gets upset, and she said that this girl (let's call her J for now) is really depressed, and J touching my girlfriend like that 'makes her happy and gives her a reason to laugh' according to my girlfriend. Even though my girlfriend knows how much this bugs me, she doesn't want to tell J to stop. I don't even know what to do. I love my girlfriend, I don't want to break up with her, but I really don't want J to be touching her like that. Any suggestions? :help:
I have a suggestion, but I'm afraid you may not like it, and I'm sorry for that. If this person, J, ever touched you in any way you weren't comfortable with, you'd have every right to stop it cold. The thing is your girlfriend's body does not belong to you. Ultimately, it is HER choice to decide if something is or is not acceptable. You have told your girlfriend how you feel, and asked her to stop it, and she has given you her reasons for not agreeing with you. That is the extent of what you have the right to do, other than to break up with your girlfriend over this. From the sound of it, you adore her, and everything else is fine, so that might be a bit extreme. Either your girlfriend will tire of the butt slapping, or decide it is unacceptable, and stop it OR she won't. Maybe she will tire of having to adapt her friendships to meet with your approval, or else face repeated confrontations with you if she doesn't. Please understand I don't mean to sound cruel or harsh. I understand this genuinely bothers you and causes you pain. But I think what causes these feelings is that you feel insecure or jealous, and that makes the feelings *yours* to deal with. You can't go through life expecting everyone you love to stop every behavior that makes you uncomfortable. To begin with, it's not right. To end with, it won't work.
I think it's your girlfriend's responsibility to say something, otherwise it could get out of control. Like, borderline sexual harassment, especially if your girlfriend does not like it. It isn't her job to make other people feel better by allowing them to touch her inappropriately. I think she needs to speak up unless she enjoys the attention she's getting from J. I wouldn't be okay with someone touching my girlfriend's butt. However, if my girlfriend liked it then maybe I'd consider being single.
