Hi. My boyfriend and I have been together around one month. And, we hadn't had a sex untill last night. We were watching movie together last night he started kissing me on top of me. I didn't expect but enjoyed since I trust him and am ready to let him into me. Whille he was chewing my ear I told him I want him to be inside of me. Then, he said "No...I'm...(I can't remeber what he said exactly)", but eventually he pulled off his pants. And I think he seemed decide to do what I said to him. We've done by changing into several positions and everything seemed going well. And out of blue he said he can't go futher, saying "this is too much for me, and I'm sorry but I need to be alone now to think" and "I can't get hard on and maybe I'm nervors". Yes, I left his place, trying to read his mind on the way to home. Next morning what I did first was checking my phone and texted him that I want him to be fine and or else then I would be really sorry for the fact that I might have ruined his (and my) first experience. Now, I'm thinking that when he said he's not ready I should've stopped even if I loved him so wanted more. I don't want him to go yet. On the other hand, I don't want to freak him out saying something right now. I hope I can specify what I want from this forum but I can't. I just don't know...
i guess the first step to this is to calm yourself. its much easier to think and decide when you arent panicking. when you panic you get wound up further than might even be the case. second, you can say something without being intrusive to the situation. send a text, tell him not to reply if he doesnt want to, just state your feelings, tell him that you are there and are worried. you dont have to just ask the problem outright but can say how if he is comfortable he can talk to you. comfort him and make him feel comfortable and dont demand a solution this instant but would really like to help him.
In the morning, I texted him "Hey. Its me. I just couldn't get a sleep bcause u are hurt by what happen last night. I really liked u and wanted to let you in to take me. Maybe it was my falult since i thought if "i" trust someone and am ready to let myself taken then that person "would" be ok too. But, i had gone too far and hate the fact that I hurt u. Im so sorry that you are confused and I can't forgive myself that was because of me..... Babe, i want you to be ok. That's all I want." It's the text I sent him in the morning and haven't got a respond. Do u think i need to do something further? I just..... want to talk to him to know what is going on and be with him even if i'm affarid that he might say he doesn't want to see me anymore.
Maybe he has performance anxiety , I guess try not to pressure him...I'm sure he feels like he has to get hard but, maybe yall could do stuff with him soft and assure him it's ok if he doesn't get hard, that way he can relax.
just wait a bit for a reply if he still doesnt respond just let him know that you care and are there to talk, leave the door open. i dont know how much sex means to you but if it isnt a focus let him know that you can do with out. sometimes it takes people a good while to get comfortable enough for any kind of sexual activity
I got a text from him "I wasn't really prepared to go all the way, because I wasn't quite sure that I liked you. Attraction is a tricky thing, and while I thought I really liked you last week, I realize that that moment of attraction was short lived. Your not the right person for me. I apologize for leading you down the wrong path. I tried to make this work, but I can't. I need someone I can open up to, androids I just don't feel that connection with you. Maybe I'm looking for the impossible, but it's something I have look for. I don't want to continue anymore. ---------- Post added 29th Oct 2012 at 10:00 PM ---------- And i texted him back. "Even im not sure how my feeling for you right now will be. But i can tell u that i had no gut to say how much i loved u because i didn't wanna scare u out. I didnt tell u that i really liked u at the first moment that i met u on the ******. U r the one who actually cared about me as a person not fuck pad and seemed to want to know me. I doubt that first time but i realized that how much sincere person you are who i never met. And i still you are the same person in there. But maybe you think im not that person. Im sorry if im not open up to u as u expected. I've hurt myself once i started opening up to other and was afraid of opening up. But you are the one finally i can lean on and open up. And that was the reason why i couldn't have told u the three words, i love u. Yes, babe attraction is tricky thing when the person whom you have feeling of is hiding something about his feeling. I never let other people take me before. I got a cold feet and ran out. But when you kissed me on the bed, at least i knew that this is the one i can count on now and let myself taken. You've shown yourself to me on everything without hiding but i haven't. I didn't express my feeling on you because of the purpose that i want to keep you. As you said attraction is tricky so you might be blinded what you are seeing in front of your eyes. But I'm sincerer than ever right now. I love you. "
well i honestly dont have anymore advice, i guess just remain sincere. looks like you have it handled best. good luck to you sir! let me know if it turns out
Here's what I'm getting from his text (and this is an interpretation pulled out of my ass, and therefore no guarantee of its accuracy): 1. I think he may still be dealing with some internalized homophobia and even though on the surface he might be totally comfortable with being gay, having gay sex, and in particular, penetrating a guy, makes it all too "real" and perhaps part of him isn't quite ready to accept that yet. 2. It's also quite possible that he has real problems with emotional intimacy. That, sadly, is true for probably a majority of gay men. So when it comes to being really emotionally intimate, which for some people (though not all) is synonymous with sex, it is scary and very intense in the feelings it brings up. Basically, it sort of forces vulnerability, and if you are used to numbing, vulnerability feels really scary. So telling him you love him may not necessarily help, if he's afraid of intimacy. It may be that what he needs is to back way off and be your friend... if the two of you can handle that sort of shift. Or he may need to retreat entirely. But one thing is near certain: being clingy, telling him how much you love/need him is most likely the least likely thing to be successful because, if I'm right, it is connection, closeness, and intimacy that he is most afraid of right now.
